DS1 now knows that mummy & daddy are going to live in different houses

[messyoldmess]

I was hoping we would both tell him together, but it appears H broke the news last night while I was at a friends house.
DS1 was sent home from school sick today & on the walk home he suddenly said "I know you & daddy are going to live in different houses soon"
I was a bit taken aback & asked who told him, to which he replied "Daddy told me, he said it's because you both want to be rich like nanny & gaggy." (Not sure where that came from!)
I asked how he felt about that idea, & he said "Okay, I will be able to sleep at your house & daddy's"
I am relieved he seems to be taking the news quite well, as I was worrying a lot about this, but I feel a bit angry that H didn't let me know he was going to do this.

Oh blimey - a letter has turned up for H, which he might not be too chuffed with!

Is he home? Perhaps you could arrange to be out with the boys when he's likely to read it.

He's seen it & read it. Not best pleased & is going to get himself a solicitor first thing Monday morning (about time!) & is not happy with my solicitors approach!

He has now gone out

Well, there's a surprise! I suppose your solicitor's approach would only be acceptable to him if the letter said you'd like to start again.

Have you seen the letter?

i think is about being a man that made him say that to ds. the fact he got his money box shows he should never have said it,.

i am not with ds 5 dad and dont want to be. causing big problems - me not knowing what to say to him - how much info to give etc. when to see a child pshchologist about it - she told me to say his dad with working or living abroad . ffs. i dont want ds to think people go to work and dont come back. i certainly dont want to go down the road of totally lying. and to think she gets paid to gibv advice like that. hasten to add i didnt take it.

good luck MOM you sound wonderfully balanced and sure your doing the right thing. your boys are lucky to have you. i too was brought up with two parents that drank, argued and mum had loads of affairs. all three kids and adults would have been so much happier if they seperated, she would take us to a battered wifes home for a couple of days but always go back to him. this is why i didnt stay with ds dad i think. its caused me so many problems in my life thats for sure. good luck.

Can't believe you were encouraged to lie, MSM!!!

I have seen the letter & don't think it looked that bad tbh. It could have been a lot worse!
I asked my solicitor to phrase it carefully, which I feel he did. I also pre-warned H it was coming.
He wasn't very happy after reading it & was in a horrible mood for a while, but then he went out & I have been out with a friend all afternoon, so not seen much of him.

Glad the letter's arrived, MOM, I think that's an important milestone.

From the things you've told me about the violence of your upbringing, your mum has absolutely no room to criticise you, not that she would ever admit it. Well done for giving your boys - and yourself - a chance to break the cycle.

mysonsmummy

I'm aghast, truly aghast, at the child psychologist. She's a disgrace to her profession. Well done for treating the suggestion with the contempt it deserved. I wonder what awful advice she's given to clients who weren't as sensible as you? #shudder#

MOM, I can't think of a better way to handle it than you are doing. Children need and deserve honesty, though with tact and consideration obviously. It's inevitable that they'll act up a bit with this uncertainty going on and will need extra hugs and such. On the other hand they continue to need structure in their lives, especially now the structure is so radically changing; they don't have the right to go off the rails because of this, and it isn't good to allow them to. So don't feel so guilty you abandon all discipline, spoil them rotten etc - not that I really think you would.

(I'm the least structured person in the world, myself, but I know that's how it SHOULD be done...!)

DS1 has been a bit off the wall in the last couple of days. He has started to really play up & I don't know to deal with it.
Yesterday when I asked him to tidy up his books, he said "You're not the boss of this house, daddy is!"
I guess it's all a reaction to the news, but I'm finding it really hard.