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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I feel like a bunny boiler but...

115 replies

Rup3rt · 03/06/2016 09:21

So I met a guy, we went on a date a couple of nights ago which went really really well (he said so as well so wasn't just me haha) ... Since said date we have been texting pretty much constantly (obvious gaps when we are busy/asleep etc but generally have always been messaging)

Yesterday, business as usual, I had work in the evening and as I was going into work his last text was us discussing our second date and him saying he wants to take me somewhere really nice and that he's gutted he won't be able to see me for over a week. I reply then go into work... Come out of work, and had a message from him in reply... And then another message just making general chit chat about 2 hours before. Replied when I got home... And he opened it and ignored it! But at the time, I didn't think much of it. He was moving house that day and was probably busy. I'm sure I'd hear from him later. But later, this morning, nothing. But he had been posting on Facebook last night, an emotional post about him moving house. So, I liked it then sent him a message saying aww did the move go well then? Are you feeling all emotional? ... And again! Open message, no reply!

So my question is, would it be weird to maybe give him until later this evening and if I don't hear ask him? I'm not normally like this after a first date and feel like a bit of a bunny boiler, but I just don't understand how you can go from planning a second date and all the like, to not even dignifying my messages with a response, all in the space of 2 hours?? I'm not thinking an angry rant or anything, perhaps just a little sort of 'jokey message' like 'was it something I said?' ... I guess it's more for my sanity than anything really as I know deep down its hardly going to change anything... I am just going out of my mind trying to work out why the hell he has just done such a u turn all of a sudden and whether it really is something I've done?? I don't think he's ever completely ignored my messages!

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 03/06/2016 23:46

Agree with those who said he's lying and is now backtracking. Ignore him at your peril.

SoleBizzz · 03/06/2016 23:47

I bet she is chatting to him now Grin oh dear

SuperFlyHigh · 03/06/2016 23:49

I did wonder about that Sole even though she said she'd avoid him...

Cynical lot aren't we?! Grin

SoleBizzz · 03/06/2016 23:53

Oh she said she is going put tonight...but hmm lol

icedcherrytea · 03/06/2016 23:55

Hmmm. If he really likes you he would've arranged the second date regardless of moving out. Not ignored you for hours. He then texted and said you were ignoring him....rightio. more like he was busy texting someone else and got bored then reverted back to you where he left off.

Sorry to be so cynical but if he was really interested and into you, he would be making more effort.

Let him keep the charger to remember you by. This boy has got time waster written all over him.

He's just not that into you the book or audio book is an eye opener. Not the film. That's crap.

Good luck OP. My dating days were full of filtering out the twatty shits too.

Storminateapot · 03/06/2016 23:58

I'd probably give that the benefit of the doubt, but I'm too old for snapchat, I don't even have it. If you really think there's something, ease it back a stage, but no need for binning as yet. We're talking a few hours out of contact here, my goodness I know I'm getting on but I was relying on payphones and handwritten letters in the early stages of my first serious relationship and I'm 'only' 40's. Grin

bakeoffcake · 04/06/2016 00:10

Not marking place for an updateGrin

I expect op is out with him now.

SoleBizzz · 04/06/2016 00:22

Don't know of I'm allowed to do this but...

I feel like a bunny boiler but...
Storminateapot · 04/06/2016 00:36

That assumes that they think like we do. They just bloody don't. One thing at a time. Yes, he's passively looked at stuff online, but his mind was on moving house (pretty massive) and no room for composition of texts that sound right to someone he's just met but likes.
He did get in touch today. Good lord, was the guy meant to have been composing sonnets while he hauled furniture??
Give him a break for today at least.

kennypppppppp · 04/06/2016 00:52

shit, this shit is difficult, but speaking from very recent experience, leave it. just move, geographically, from your phone and the less you think about it, in a few days it'll be different. (am also giving this advice to myself. although not necessarily taking it)

different different. different woo hooo or different wtf. but at least then you'll know what's what.

Rup3rt · 04/06/2016 01:13

Hi all, I just got in!

Thanks for all the faith in me Wink

I didn't spend my night chatting with him. Yet still somehow I am absolutely fuming!!

So I decided I wasn't going to spend my night out glued to my phone and that id reply to anything he sends when friends were either smoking/toileting...

All was rosy and well and texts were fine, then suddenly he starts going all snappy. So I just said (I'd had a few drinks) okkkkk someone's not very jolly tonight. What's the problem? And got 'I think ive just got myself annoyed because I thought you had ignored me all day' ... So that really got my back up and I responded with 'seriously?' Followed by a screenshot of the 'opened' snapchat and saying here you go, this is all I could see. I thought you were either busy with your move or ignoring me.. Either way, I decided to leave you to it. Sorry if that's a problem.

He replied 'no I know, I must've opened it if it said that and didn't read it..it's all totally my fault' ... So I said 'right so if you know it's totally your fault then why the aggro with me?' ... No reply Hmm

I can't even put into words how annoyed/frustrated/confused I'm feeling right about now!

OP posts:
Feetofleather · 04/06/2016 01:20

Oh dear! How annoying! It's a shame but drama llamas like this bloke are often addictive, as you never quite know where you stand.
However you have the collective wisdom of millions of women!

Feetofleather · 04/06/2016 01:21

Think you're dodging a bullet here OP.

YoureSoSlyButSoAmI · 04/06/2016 01:23

He's a twat. Dump and move on.

meowli · 04/06/2016 01:28

If you're getting this rubbish after a first date, I dread to think what it would be like if you were in a relationship with him. I agree it sounds like a lucky escape.

icedcherrytea · 04/06/2016 01:33

He sounds like hard work already. Jeez.

Sorry OP. Please don't waste anymore time on this prat. Fizzle him out.

Be happy. X

Ginkypig · 04/06/2016 02:00

Iv just read the thread and your last post makes me want to scream so loud that I shatter glass fucking run as fast as you can and don't ever look back

His back is up by your perceived behaviour so he treats you like shit. You have to send him proof he's in the wrong before his attitude towards you changes.

To add to my point you thought exactly the same as him (that he hadn't been in touch) but did you treat him badly or make him feel like shit. NO!

hippiedays · 04/06/2016 02:29

I read as far as page four...... this guy is immature and doesn't want or is incapable of an adult relationship.

I spent over ten years with this sort of fuckwittery believing I loved someone who blew hot and cold before I finally moved on. BWhen the same guy got someone pregnant, he still sent texts, his child is now five and he still texts even though he is living with the mother of his child.'I regret ever having met him, such an absolute waste of my years and worst of all the signs were there from the very start.

Move on, meet a nice decent straightforward guy and forget texting/snapchat/Facebook. If you want to contact him, pick up the phone and talk. It really cuts out all the misinterpretation and misunderstandings.

Cabrinha · 04/06/2016 07:02

I'm despairing that your last sentence to us is not "so fuck him, I've deleted the number and won't be replying again".

Very very best case scenario that he really didn't see the message (and that's a steaming pile of horse shit - your texts too?Hmm) and he was annoyed at you not being crazy about him...? He's shown you that his reaction to that would be to get shitty with you. Nice. And not just shitty in the initial re-contact. Last night after you had already established this "error" (bullshit) he was was STILL sending you snappy messages.

You need to have a good look at yourself. A boyfriend should treat you better than any other person in your life. And yet you're prepared to let him treat you like shit.

First time is his fault. Staying in touch and letting him carry on - well, you have to take responsibility for that. Are you choosing to let him treat you like this? Why?

And FFS, just but a new phone charger. What price dignity?

bakeoffcake · 04/06/2016 07:21

I hope you've deleted his number and snapchat etc after last night.

He's a nasty wanker!

DaveCamoron · 04/06/2016 07:29

He sounds like a twat, please tell him to get lost.

DorindaJ · 04/06/2016 07:56

What Cabrinha said.

FriendofBill · 04/06/2016 08:00

This is after one date.
What's this going to look like in one year?

Make the right choice OP.

missybct · 04/06/2016 08:01

My red flag alert went off at him saying he was annoyed at you for "ignoring" him. Talk about overreaction, especially as it's probably bullshit as he read the messages anyway.

Agree with PP - way too much hard work, I wouldn't consider that kind of bullshit months into a relationship, much less after one date.

RedMapleLeaf · 04/06/2016 08:07

Too. Much. Drama.

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