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Original poster

Should I marry him even though he's a git?

82 replies

hollyj · 16/01/2007 20:42

My dp of nearly four years (have dd 15 months) "proposed" to me at the w/e. I have wanted us to get married since dd was born, don't know why exactly, just like the idea of us all having the same surname and being properly recognised as a family, plus I could call him my husband instaed of that hideous word partner.
So it all sounds good but here's the problem. He didn't get down on one knee and tell me he loved me or anything. He basically said we should get married to make me happy. In a discussion later he said he didn't really want to get married but knew he wanted to be with me forever and if that was what I wanted then he would do it.
Well I wasn't exactly bowled over with the romance of it all. Now I feel like he has ruined it all and how can I marry him knowing he doesn't really want to and he's doing it as a FAVOUR. Jesus Christ I'm not some sort of charity case..
Should I just go ahead even though his heart's not in it? or try to forget the whole sorry affair and carry on as before? OR elope with a Jude-Law-lookalike who appreciates me

OP posts:
shazronnie · 16/01/2007 20:44

Jude Law

Don't gey married yet - wait til he is ready too.

SoupDragon · 16/01/2007 20:44

He's not doing it as a favour, he's doing it because he loves you, wants to make you happy and because it's what you want.

Tortington · 16/01/2007 20:44

tell him you've had a re-think. "i too think that, umm well, perhaps its best if we dont make life commitments, i mean who knows right?!"

Pruni · 16/01/2007 20:46

Message withdrawn

RustyBear · 16/01/2007 20:48

Well, he's not traditionally romantic, but he did say he knew he wanted to be with you forever, which is probably as romantic as some guys get Maybe he just doesn't really want a wedding, but won't mind actually being married....
So how do you feel? Do you know you want to be with hom forever?

bandstand · 16/01/2007 20:51

is he rich? go for it..

JanH · 16/01/2007 20:52

"he didn't really want to get married but knew he wanted to be with me forever and if that was what I wanted then he would do it."

I think that's one of the sweetest proposals I've ever heard!

FioFio · 16/01/2007 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/01/2007 20:56

That sounds very romantic to me

My DP proposed to me whilst very drunk and wearing a flashing santa hat. It could have been worse for you, believe me

moondog · 16/01/2007 20:56

Oh that down on one knee stuff is so naff.
I didn't really want to get married but my dh did.
We are both very happy.

Pruni · 16/01/2007 20:58

Message withdrawn

Original poster
hollyj · 16/01/2007 20:59

Jan, I suppose it is romantic in a way and the thing is I don't want a big white wedding, in fact I hate the idea of the actual wedding (everyone looking at me, having to wear something other than jeans, stress arranging it) but I want to be his wife. If there was a way to fast forward to being married I definitely would.

Shaz, but I don't think he'll ever be ready, he just doesn't believe in marriage (Irish Catholic rebellion)

Pruni, that's my big fear - that it'll mean as much to him as a nice day out at the zoo or something.

Oh no now I'm even more confused

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/01/2007 20:59

could have been worse is a pants reason though.

if he doesnt really want to then i wouldnt becuase i wanted to.

and i dont think its romantic in the least. it sounds very begrudging

moondog · 16/01/2007 21:00

I would have gone right off my dh had he gone down on one knee.
Cringe.

Original poster
hollyj · 16/01/2007 21:02

He did actually try to get down on one knee but i yanked him up shouting, shut up, shut up, you don't mean it!

Could I be a bit of an ungrateful cow?

OP posts:
Tortington · 16/01/2007 21:02

theres a middle ground i think. one can be romantic without that.

Original poster
hollyj · 16/01/2007 21:04

thank you custardo, it was begrudging and of all the times to not be begrudging, surely a marriage proposal is one?

OP posts:
aviatrix · 16/01/2007 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bandstand · 16/01/2007 21:05

aww, he was trying so hard you didnt want the romance, so he took it away.. aww. do you lurve him?

MamazonAKAfatty · 16/01/2007 21:07

tell him to go away and re think and when he really wants to marry you he can ask again...in a far more romantic fashion...then you will consider his proposal

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/01/2007 21:09

Aviatrix, im inclined to agree with you....sorry hollyj.

Original poster
hollyj · 16/01/2007 21:11

Aviatrix, I see what you mean but I think my reasons are romantic (not that there's anything necessarily good about romantic) - I want to feel like we're a proper family - I dind;t write it like that before because I thought it might be offensive to non-married families - and I think it's quite irrational of me BUT it is I think romantic.

But yes, I am being harsh, aren't I? He was being really sweet. I just wish that it had been different and he was excited. he hasn't told anyone about it and hasn;t mentioned it since it happened. the only time we've talked about it was when I brought it up.

Also he says he won't wear a wedding ring because he doesn;t like jewellery, which I suppose is fair enough but it's not like any old piece of jewellery, and he doesn't want to tell his parents for a few weeks. It just makes me sad that he isn;t remotely excited

OP posts:
bandstand · 16/01/2007 21:11

right... do you have to have romance, you either want to marry him or not imo...cynical person that i am

JanH · 16/01/2007 21:13

Offering to get married because you want to couldn't be less begrudging

Come on holly, off you go and get down on one knee and propose right back at him (unbegrudgingly )

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/01/2007 21:14

Its a selfless act Jan, quite right

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