Meeting to talk things through with newly separated H today. First time I've seen him since we split.

[YoJesse]

Me and my H separated a few weeks back after he became unstable following a drink /drugs binge over the course of a day whilst we had 3 year old ds with us. He's been battling addiction issues on/off for years (and to a lesser extent I have to but am sober now).

We've agreed to meet this weekend one to one to talk things through without anyone else like family or SW there (we have sw involvement) as we both think we need to speak honestly and personally just us). Ds is away with family at the moment so will not be confused to see Daddy.

I'm still feeling sad about the breakup and already cancelled meeting him last night as I feel weaker in the evening. I don't want to fall for any bullshit about how he's going to change etc. It really is the end now.

Any advice or tips on how to handle a tricky first meeting with an ex?

[Costacoffeeplease]

But you shouldn't be like that at all, ever

[Costacoffeeplease]

You felt so crap after he left on Saturday. How come he was back today, or did he never really leave?

[YoJesse]

Obviously I was lying about the stability thing. That's my theory.

[YoJesse]

Who are you then?

[Costacoffeeplease]

You've got to stop lying to us, to the authorities, to your mum but most of all to yourself

This is more than you can handle, you need more professional help than you've had - and you need to kick your ex to the kerb - permanently

[Dozer]

You sound like you are trying to justify using because you were "doing the right thing" (even though you weren't really - you were using, prioritising your H and lying) were caught out so may as well carry on using. And blaming circumstance, others, anyone but the actual person responsible - you.

And saying you're OK because you're not as bad as your H.

That's addict logic.

[YoJesse]

Sorry, I didn't mean to pry myinlawsdidthisthebastards I just feel so shat on right now.
dozer it's just normal normal logic. I get I have issues bit really??? And I'm no where as bad as dh.

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

Evening all - just a reminder of our guidelines and that we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

[YoJesse]

I'm really sorry.

[YoJesse]

Sorry Olivia, sorry inlaws. Genuinely. I crossed a line.

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

Your nowhere near as bad as Dh It's not a competition you know. Not one of you, your son's parents, are putting that little boys needs first.

You are waiting till the minutes he's out the door to contact your Dh and get him round and take drugs. you then said that you regretted it and had learned your lesson. Then again got him round, took more drugs (cocaine too? ) and got drunk.

Your mum said you have to sort yourself out then move in with them. Yet your line of thinking is, Iv lost d's I might as well continue getting wrecked. Instead of, I will sort myself out and move in with them. Sounds like a perfect excuse to me!

[smilingeyes11]

why were you with your dh today? And taking drugs again too?

[YoJesse]

I don't know. Because things have got as shit as they can

[YoJesse]

Because I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic and my son shouldn't be with me right now

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

How had they got as shit as they can at that stage? You were separated yes. But you were last week too. You still had your d's, albeit he was with your mum till you found childcare. You have your job. You had no addict, abusive husband to deal with. No money that could of been spent on your son being wasted on drink and drugs.

So, after regretting seeing him at the weekend you got him round again and got wrecked and now quite rightly have had your son taken away by your mum. Now things are shit. But thats only your own actions you have to blame.You actually came on here tonight and tried to blame us for what's happened because we told you to tell the truth. Even though you never "truthed it out at all" your mum caught you off guard.

Of course you do have the capability to sort yourself out once and for all. For your son's sake. But, I'm sure you will use him being taken away and making things shit as an excuse not too. Just like my cousin who is also an addict has done since her children were all removed.