Meeting to talk things through with newly separated H today. First time I've seen him since we split.

[YoJesse]

Me and my H separated a few weeks back after he became unstable following a drink /drugs binge over the course of a day whilst we had 3 year old ds with us. He's been battling addiction issues on/off for years (and to a lesser extent I have to but am sober now).

We've agreed to meet this weekend one to one to talk things through without anyone else like family or SW there (we have sw involvement) as we both think we need to speak honestly and personally just us). Ds is away with family at the moment so will not be confused to see Daddy.

I'm still feeling sad about the breakup and already cancelled meeting him last night as I feel weaker in the evening. I don't want to fall for any bullshit about how he's going to change etc. It really is the end now.

Any advice or tips on how to handle a tricky first meeting with an ex?

[Ingray]

Good luck jesse. The real you is in there somewhere.

[YoJesse]

I'm sorry to everyone on here.
I'm sorry to my mum.
Mostly I'm sorry to my Ds.

I can't excuse anything. I can only say that whilst I've been posting here until this thread I've been telling the truth (or at least the truth I've been telling myself). I've had a few slip ups, spoke to my d&a counselor, owned up to it on here and picked myself back up. Now I realise this currently isn't a 'slip ups' this is much worse. I wasn't drinking /using to this extent till my mum was looking after ds. I'm not excusing it.I'm going to take myself off mumsnet now completely and get my head in the real world. I want to sort myself out and be able to look after my beautiful, sweet boy properly.

I'm genuinely thankful to all the posters here both kind and harsh.

[Choughed]

Poppy none of that gives you the ability to judge whether this woman will be successful or not in recovery.

I hope you don't make such snap judgements with people IRL.

I've got plenty of experience with this issue myself. Including dragging my unconscious friend through the doors of A&E when she overdosed on heroin. She recovered and is completely clean now (for 25 years). I've also watched friends throw their lives away.

I know enough to say that no one on this thread can categorically tell what Jesse's outcome will be, as you so flippantly asserted.

[P1nkP0ppy]

Some may recover but the trust is gone in my extensive experience of years of working with families of drug and alcohol addicts.
I also have personal experience with a close family member.
I'm neither arrogant nor flippant, just sad that yet another young woman has decided to lie to so many well meaning people on here.

[Choughed]

Op will never take responsibility, it will always be someone else's fault and lying is her norm.

Poppy you cannot know that. Drug addicts and alcoholics do recover. There's plenty of them on Mumsnet. You cannot know whether OP will be one of them or not and to state unequivocally that she isn't is arrogant and flippant.

[P1nkP0ppy]

Op will never take responsibility, it will always be someone else's fault and lying is her norm.
Thank goodness that poor little boy is out of her hands, long may that last.
She's only being falsely remorseful because, thank goodness, her mum caught her out, otherwise she'd have been stringing everyone along for umpteen more posts/threads.
You must think mners are total mugs Jesse.

[Choughed]

Jesse, please keep being honest and asking for help. No one will condemn you for that.

Being a self-confessed drug addict and an alcoholic is better than a lying, deceitful drug addict and alcoholic.

You are suffering the consequences of being honest for the first time and it's hard but necessary.

Try to imagine your son as an adult standing in front of you. What would he say to you?

[Dozer]

Take responsibility, get some RL help.

[goddessofsmallthings]

Your crocodile tears don't cut any ice with me, Jesse.

You've led many well meaning posters a fine dance. I'm no more and no less well meaning than they are, but I'm not taken in by your lies.

Using an analogy from one of your other threads the lift is still going down and it remains to be seen whether you lose your ds, or lose your life through drug/alcohol abuse, before it reaches the basement.

[YoJesse]

I just thought that you'd might like to know that ds is safe and away from me. I wasn't after a pity party. Actually that I care about all the posters opinions are saying and I care a lot what you have all posters said shows I care a lot. I'm sad to the core and obviously am struggling to talk to my 'mum' friends about this

[Costacoffeeplease]

She never cries - but she cried today

And you're still fucked now by your posts.

Wake up

[YoJesse]

Exasperated. It doesn't feel like That in my mind but I'm trying to see it from my mum's eyes. She (who never ever cries) Started crying (pretending she was angry actually was crying. . It wa s bad.

[YoJesse]

Thanks, I can't do wrong for doing right, I know I have a problem and I'd I'd denied it I'd have been tawn down as if I'd admitted it I'd have been blown apart.
As it happens it feels like my soul is being drowned right now.

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

How had they got as shit as they can at that stage? You were separated yes. But you were last week too. You still had your d's, albeit he was with your mum till you found childcare. You have your job. You had no addict, abusive husband to deal with. No money that could of been spent on your son being wasted on drink and drugs.

So, after regretting seeing him at the weekend you got him round again and got wrecked and now quite rightly have had your son taken away by your mum. Now things are shit. But thats only your own actions you have to blame.You actually came on here tonight and tried to blame us for what's happened because we told you to tell the truth. Even though you never "truthed it out at all" your mum caught you off guard.

Of course you do have the capability to sort yourself out once and for all. For your son's sake. But, I'm sure you will use him being taken away and making things shit as an excuse not too. Just like my cousin who is also an addict has done since her children were all removed.

[YoJesse]

Because I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic and my son shouldn't be with me right now

[YoJesse]

I don't know. Because things have got as shit as they can

[smilingeyes11]

why were you with your dh today? And taking drugs again too?

[ExasperatedAlmostAlways]

Your nowhere near as bad as Dh It's not a competition you know. Not one of you, your son's parents, are putting that little boys needs first.

You are waiting till the minutes he's out the door to contact your Dh and get him round and take drugs. you then said that you regretted it and had learned your lesson. Then again got him round, took more drugs (cocaine too? ) and got drunk.

Your mum said you have to sort yourself out then move in with them. Yet your line of thinking is, Iv lost d's I might as well continue getting wrecked. Instead of, I will sort myself out and move in with them. Sounds like a perfect excuse to me!

[YoJesse]

Sorry Olivia, sorry inlaws. Genuinely. I crossed a line.

[YoJesse]

I'm really sorry.

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

Evening all - just a reminder of our guidelines and that we do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.