DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

I woke up feeling bloody miserable this morning, no alcohol last night, but lots of junk food.

But you lot with your talk of rewatching sober have made me remember that I have GOT and Breaking Bad box sets to re watch whilst sober (as I can't truly remember a lot about them), so will dig them out this evening. I'm also watching The Living & The Dead on I-player and really enjoying it, its written by the same people that did Ashes to Ashes and Life on Mars.

Slim I think a lot of people do say "I don't drink, but thanks" but I think there is an expectation for people like us that we'll be delighted to accept an offer of a drink, and we need to get people to see us a bit differently.

Hi all. Rubbish night sleep so rather than lie awake worrying I caught up on lots of sober blogs and re read Jason Vale. Also revisited AJ and feel more positive this am, if a bit tired. Hope you are all well, I am rewatching GoT as well at the moment. Xxx

Slim good question about my sister who doesn't drink - It's never crossed my mind to observe what people say or how she reacts. Thinking about it she's just very matter of fact. She never says 'I don't drink' just politely refuses and asks for an alternative. She never ever explains why she doesn't drink. There's no reason why she doesn't drink expect that she just never has. She used to refuse gifts of wine in work as it was a waste but so many people got offended. Now she stockpiles them and gives them away (to me!).
I think in recent times it's more acceptable not to drink for so many reasons. I have friends who have taken up competitive sport in later life and don't drink because they are training. Lots of people with little kids drive on nights out because it's more convienient.
Glad I've been listening to spa type music to aid sleep. AJ reminds me now of my last failed attempt of being dry

Hello everyone.

I'm still here and on day 15. Still feeling sad - a really heavy, mournful, deep-down sad, Very tearful. I've been depressed before and this is not it - it just feels like sadness.

Is this common? Is this a PAWS thing?

I was reading one of the other threads in this section - the one about the alcoholic parents wanting to come to the wedding - and seeing some of the posters say there's no cure for alcoholism, it's like asking someone in the desert dying of thirst not to drink water - and how much hatred there is for people with alcohol problems. I think people have a right to feel whatever they want and it is true - drinkers do treat people awfully sometimes and they deserve the consequences of it and other people shouldn't have to put up with it. But some of those posts just made it sound like there is no hope at all.

I saw that thread too onewhite. I was itching to respond but I didn't because I was so wound up by what I had read. It just feels really personal. This board is evidence that there is hope and a sober future can become reality.

I am sorry you are feeling low. It could be PAWs but whatever it is I would say it is completely normal. 15 days is fab.

glad it's good that you are feeling a bit better in spite of a crap nights sleep.

Hello to all you other lovely ladies. I am at work so I can't name check everyone. X

Thanks for the tip AbsoluteBeginner I found the no count option on the AJ app and it was much better, thanks.

I had a rubbish night's sleep too last night - woke up at 3am needing the loo, then lay away for at least another hour, probably longer. I'd been hoping that was a thing of the past, but I expect it'll take a while for my sleeping to really improve.

Stocked up with treats today - including Belvoir Raspberry Lemonade. Had a little taste just to make sure I like it, and it's lovely. Nice and fizzy so perfect in a wine glass with lots of ice on Saturday eve to chase away the cravings. Or maybe even tonight...

Was going to head over to check out the mentioned thread, but am now thinking perhaps I'd best stay clear, from the sounds of it, it's very negative and unhelpful. Hope it hasn't lowered anyone's mood even more?

I don't think it is negative and unhelpful really - the poor woman sounds like she has been treated abysmally and she is getting really great advise about not enabling someone else's poor choices. Can't fault that really.

I guess it was just some of the statements about alcoholics being hopeless and beyond help and not worth bothering with. I guess that is probably true for a lot of people. I am not saying anyone has a responsibility to clean up after an addict. But I am feeling in need of help to be better.

I can't change anything I did in the past and I did some bad things. Not awful bad - but bad. And I think I have had friends distance themselves from me because of my drinking and I'm only just starting to think about it and notice it all. I can't blame them - it's my behaviour that was the problem - but I want to change and it's really really hard when you feel so low and ashamed.

I am doing well though. I am 15 days today.

Hello everyone,
onewhitepillow I feel like you as well - ashamed and very sad - have a hand hold and
I feel utterly dreadful today - I "only" drank for one evening last week, after a very long time of being sober - admittedly I did drink a lot of red wine (and behave dreadfully :( ) but even so I would expect to have felt less ill after 5 days clean and lots of tlc? Although rubbish sleep for the last 8 weeks probably isn't helping, nor is the ongoing stress :(
On a more positive note, I have found a local counselor who can see me this week ( cancellation :) ) She is someone I saw many years ago over a different issue, and is very good. I am nervous, though

And I went and read that thread as well. Wish I hadn't now as I am feeling really guilty over the way I have behaved both in the past and last week.

I guess the guilt can be good - it can stop us going back there. It's the shame I find hard to deal with. There's nothing positive or motivating about shame.

@glad have a handhold right back. Do you know what made you decide to drink? Was there a particular trigger? Did it creep up on you, or was it a snap decision?

You are taking care of yourself so well - the clean eating and resting and getting to see a good counsellor. You deserve all of that care and nurturing you are giving yourself.

Feel better soon. And let's stay away from that thread.

glad lets have a good plan for tonight.

What are you going to do?

I have a bit of work I need to do. I am going to read a bit too, have a bath, and do some knitting. I slept really badly last night so I am turning the lights out at 11pm and tucking myself up in the dark with a not-too-scary but gripping audiobook.

one I had yet another another bout of external stress brought on by a family member - unavoidable as I had to deal with it. When I got home I went out to a resturant with a friend ( planned outing, thought I would be ok after 180 days AF!) and got very upset when asked about my day (dreadful)
So I then drank. I did exactly the same last time I lapsed 120 days before that - different friend. I rarely go out but they are obviously big triggers for me!
Moral - stay away from places with alcohol especially when upset or vulnerable. Don't get cocky about my sobriety :)
I am doing similar to you - out in the veg patch for a bit, eat early, bath, watch Outlander on Amazon, some patchwork then bed early, :)

And yy to not reading any more of the thread!

onewhite sorry you are feeling sad, in your last post you say you are thinking a lot about your past actions. Emotions you may of suppressed with alcohol are more raw now you are sober and aware? I know I'm doing a lot more thinking.

I told my dm today that I no longer drink she was very pleased. There is a very strong history of alcoholics on my df side of the family. My df is now 3 months sober.

glad I think some friends you need to be very careful around. I have a few who I know will be massive triggers.

I think you're right efc - there are some things I am reflecting on that have happened years ago. I'm just sad about them. A normal kind of sadness, I think, but one that I really haven't allowed myself to feel before. I think it is okay.

Then there's shame, and grief for all the time I have wasted and money I have spent and how often my kids have seen me pissed.

glad without going into too much detail - I have an event this weekend that basically ticks all my trigger boxes and I know myself less well than you and my sobriety is fragile and new. I am terrified. I can't get out of it, so I need to think and plan and put some strategies in place. I will do that. REALLY want to live a different kind of life from now on.

What patchwork are you going? I think being creative is really helpful. Making something beautiful out of little jagged pieces - that is what you are doing. And I am making something useful out of a tangle. It's all very appropriate when you think about it.

glAd patchwork oh how lovely. I'd love to make a gorgeous quilt for my DD but no idea how. Maybe one day. Going to sneak a look at the other thread now - maybe we should send lucy in as the voice of reason

one can you just not go? Sorry if you have already said why you have to.

Profound words! Making something beautiful out of little jagged pieces - that is what you are doing. And I am making something useful out of a tangle. It's all very appropriate when you think about it. I love this :)

efc yep you are so right. She was kind, but it was the "there there dear, let me pour you some wine" sort of "kind" and before I could think of a reaction I just ...did it :( And then I did it some more :( .Still. Stopped after that evening so I am trying to move on and learn from it. She has a history of being a drinking buddy in the past so I guess I really should have thought the evening through and not gone.

Absolute I wouldn't go back tbh ... but just be warned :(

And I am now sitting here a bit stunned. I just had a conversation with DH while we were drinking tea. I (gulp) asked had he noticed I had not been drinking for quite a long time ( been drinking AF wine and cider when we are drinking together) and he said he had ( he wasn't around the evening of the wine witch episode last week)
He then asked if I found the presence of bottles of wine (he drinks but in moderation) in the house to be a trigger. (I don't, have not had a drink at home for 9 months, despite there sometimes being the odd bottle in the house.)

I said I didn't but he then said he would clear them all out and not drink at all if it would help me to carry on being sober :) I actually said I was fine if he had the odd beer ( I cannot drink beer due to being gluten intolerant - it makes me very ill indeed and even at my worse I was not so daft as to drink it, however desperate)

But he has now gone AF as well, to help me and to improve his health, and asked what else he could do to help as he had been very worried about me :)

I have dreaded that conversation for so long ( no idea why, as DH is lovely and very supportive of me) but it just happened, so naturally. I told him how long I had been trying to moderate, how I couldn't do it and how I felt the only way was to just not drink, one day at a time.

Never thought I could actually reach out for help like that from anyone. Has certainly lifted some of the feeling of shame and anxiety I have been feeling about it all.

Glad that's wonderful news! :)
Absolute just been over to read the other thread mentioned.

IMO they aren't just talking about parents with alcohol issues but with other more toxic parenting approaches too. All sounds very familiar to me and the advice being offered I would say too!

Thank you Lucy I am so stunned. No idea why, we have been together for so many many years and been through such a lot, I should have realized he would always have my back.

glad . :)

That's great news glad, well done for sharing .

pillow if you really really HAVE to go, and a sudden stomach bug / toothache / flat tyre won't cut it , then I would plan the whole thing through in your head. Who you will talk to, what you will drink, what you will say if anyone asks you why you are not drinking, and crucially HOW you can leave early if necessary, or even how and where you can take a break, leave as little as possible to chance

Lily 🌷 X

glad that's great. I'm really pleased. I know that sense of relief very well. I'm sure this will make a big difference.