DRY 13

[lilybetsy]

This is the thread for all those who are living, or committed to living, life free from alcohol.

I will quote a sober poster "I'm fitter, slimmer, richer, happier & healthier"

Go sober warriors !

Hello Dr I thought I saw you on the ward rounds this morning congratulations on 30 days and welcome.

I ran 5k this morning and it was really hard and I know that is because of last night's gin.

I am fasting today so will try not to drink this evening.

And my biathlon is Friday so I really shouldn't drink tomorrow night either.

Not sure I am in the right headspace to quit altogether though. Unfortunately.

Welcome DrPiggle and Mooching

vxa - I think it is absolutely crucial you step away from any drains and stay close to positivity. I find that if all around me are struggling then suddenly I do too but if I look around and see people conquering all sorts in their life then I feel a bit of a wimp struggling with something. I am a bit of a sheep as well and do tend to follow the party if I can...

This thread has REALLY worked for me, so many people are managing what I thought I couldn't and they are managing it without too much complaint or struggle so it has been a bit of a kick up the posterior for me to get on with it too!

I gave up smoking last year and put on nearly 1.5 stones and have felt awful and my decision to give up the booze was also driven by the desire to lose weight. I have therefore combined the AF with low carb and tried not to replace the sugar which has worked for me. I know it doesn't work for everyone but I just couldn't handle putting on any more weight, also the less sugar I have the less I crave and it makes the alcohol cravings less I am sure. You can still have snacks and not deprive yourself but it kind of levels you out a bit which I am sure helps....not sure you have low carbed before but yes the first 3 or 4 days is hard but after that it is by far the easiest "diet" I have ever done.

Mooching, with the greatest respect this thread is for those of us that are intending to be completely dry and abstain. If you are unsure if you want to abstain completely maybe the Brave Babes thread would better suit your needs at the moment? They are equally supportive but are still drinking throughout the threads and are mainly trying to moderate their drinking rather than abstain.

Thanks Lou - I agree,

Mooching, you're very welcome to lurk here, but brave babes feels like a better fit for you - I know I lurked on both threads for ages till I hit a point where I knew I needed to properly give up - they're a lovely bunch over there, and will be in a better place to support you.

Personally, I'm being a bit silly with sugar at the moment - taking the 'I'm cutting down on 100's of calories so I can splurge on sugar' approach - I may regret it, but it does seem to be making me not miss alcohol so much. I think I'll cross the sugar bridge once I'm more secure in my sobriety...

wonders what a sugar bridge would taste like

Hi DrPiggle WELL DONE on 30 days sober, thats a great achievement. Is it your 'first go' at living sober?

Loubi you talk a LOT of sense ! stepping away from emotional drains/ stressful situations (as far as we are able) is very important. It wont be forever - look at Lucy managing that nightmare weekend without drinking or wanting to drink. But for now - maintaining sobriety is number 1, and its much harder when anxious, distressed, afraid etc.

Matron you sound very resolute and very positive, I'm impressed you are managing whilst away, and not being lured back. This is really fantastic especially when it seems that you are surrounded by people who feel uncomfortable with you not drinking. I completely agree you notice a whole new level of conscious and unconscious interactions when you are sober and others are not. I generally also feel much more in control - although at the moment also a bit edgy.

finnish you are also doing FAB, and i think you should enjoy being quiet and gentle with yourself. How is your sleep ? Past the magic 14 days, has it improved at all ?

I'm ok. Stressed with several work deadlines all at the same time. and lots of extraneous 'things' happening, lots of stress at home with DS1, although DP and I seem better at the moment. My new Seedlip has just arrived (working from home this afternoon) and also my Botonique - these things make me smile.
The feeling of not wanting to drink, comes and goes at the moment. Its feels nebulous and fragile, but I do believe if I keep going and do not have ANY alcohol, that feeling will flourish and grow. Last time I made a mistake, thinking that the odd day off (only two in 8 months) wouldn't matter, but I think it starts up the cravings again, weakens the resolve, is just another excuse to 'moderate' and is generally pointless and self destructive. For me at any rate.

Toniht I have yoga. I have a LOT more productive time than I did when I was drinking, and although at the moment I am doing very little with it except watching crap TV, and idling my time away on Mumsnet, I am aware of it, and the potential to use it productively some time in the future. This time I'm not in a hurry. I want to lose weight, to be productive, to achieve many things, but I am prepared to wait for my body and mind to be ready, I know I can and will achieve those things, but right now I just need to be sober and do the things that support that goal. Hence i am doing yoga, but little formal CV exercise. I am not making a huge effort with my diet, nor committing to much socially. On my terms rather than how it used to be - eg going for walks with BFF rather than drinks. Enough ramblings.

You are all in my thoughts

Lily xx

Matron, I am sure I may well be completely projecting here, but there are thing sticking out at me from your posts that feel very familiar and are adding up to build a certain picture. I feel like your sense that people are uncomfortable with you not drinking; and that you are more perceptive to digs, and better at self protection when you are sober; and that you say you have always felt lonely though surrounded by people…. I feel like there is a dynamic here where you are serving some purpose in a group (your family?) that isn’t really serving you.

My sister thinks I am weird, prickly, paranoid, difficult. But as we all get a lot older and gain some perspective on the past I can see how incredibly useful it is for her for me to be a fuck-up. When I am a fuck up, we can at least agree on that. It keeps me humble, able to accept help, and laugh at myself. When I refuse to fuck up or agree that I’m a fuck up, it’s messing with her status quo.

Thanks for the warm welcome!

Lily, yes, this is my first attempt to stay dry. I've tried to moderate before, with little success. Attempts at dry months always failed sooner rather than later.

I've realised that my relationship with alcohol is problematic for a long time, but it's taken years to the point where I am in the right place to give it up altogether.

It's taken a complete change of mindset. Every time I normally would drink, or crave a drink, I try now to examine why I want to drink, and what benefit there is to having or not having that drink.

Usually, the answer is that I want to drink simply because I am used to having alcohol in that particular situation. I've also found that I crave drinking a lot when I am simply thirsty. Sparkling water usually sorts that.

As for the second part of the question, the answer is simple every time. There is no benefit to having alcohol. None whatsoever. On the other hand, there's a lot of benefit to staying sober.

I am aware I am playing mind tricks on myself, but so far, it does work. Not only am I sober for a month, I actually am getting to the place now where I can imagine a life with alcohol. Am looking forward to it even.

It is still hard though, and I have been avoiding situations where I previously thought drinking to be essential, and I can't do that forever, but we'll take each hurdle as it comes.

Reading these threads as a lurker has been great and has given me courage to believe that it can be done.

I can really relate to what you say DrPiggle; its interesting isn't it, how somehow we have to be psychologically 'ready' , its almost like all those hangovers, moments of shame and despair, all the failed attempts at moderation are somehow necessary for us to reach the point where we can accept that the only option is complete abstinence.

What is that hold that alcohol has?

If for example you had those experiences every time you ate strawberries, It really wouldn't take long to decide that eating strawberries was a bad idea, and you would stop doing it. But alcohol ? Its taken me more than 20 years to accept something that has been obvious since i was about 25....

ho hum. Do you use AA / other support?

Hey dr piggle welcome and brilliantly done for your 30 day stretch. I agree about failed moderation, it being a phase you go through on the way to AF. For a long time leading up to quitting I was counting and tracking my units on an App. It's meant to help and empower you ( I think) but it was so bloody depressing. .. "Failing" on a daily/weekly basis. But if I hadn't tried that first, I wouldn't be here now - five months AF

Oh I'm so sorry I didn't realise. Of course I shall take my undecided ness elsewhere. . Good luck to all of you.

It is very interesting how the road to giving up drinking seems to follow a very similar pattern for so many of us.

I'm going it alone, and happy with that. I have no desire to discuss this stuff with people in real life, although it is nice to have a chat about it under the relative anonymity of the internet.

I started intending to do a dry May, which, after reading these threads and Alan Carr in the space of a few days snowballed into wanting to stop altogether. I actually can't quite believe that it's been thirty days already.

Absolute, five months, wow!

Hi Eveyone celebrating 30 days AF with ice cold glass of Shloer and some green and blacks chocolate xx hugs to those feeling sad flat or low and high fives to those feeling elated or happy xxx each day is different but I'm making sure I always have AF treats at home 🙂💐💐 love to all Sober Warriors

Hello drpiggle and welcome to the fold :)

Some for those who need them, howbad and anyone else who is feeling low.

absolute well done - you are a day ahead of me cos it is 5 months tomorrow and I am so so pleased. It's not cured every problem by any means but I feel so, so much better for being af and that I am coping even when crappy things happen...

Am very pleased to have got through the weekend. Stayed with friends and when I tried stoping before, this was where it went wrong. They are steady drinkers, it's expected and there's always wine open. So this time I planned ahead - took nice af alternatives, practised what I would say, played the tape forward and thought about coming on here and catching up with you lot. And it was fine - a bit of a wobble on bh Monday but don't really want to drink - it's just habit and social expectation and the fantasy of the one civilised glass of Sauvignon...

I have marked my 5 months with some planters for my garden. Planted them up this morning and am so enjoying them.

So and to all the sober warriors. Koko.

Evening everyone,

Early bed have booked yoga for 6.45am.

Just started soberrevolution

Wow sybil good stuff ! Really well done on being aware of (potential) temptation, thinking it through and taking steps to protect your sobriety. That's brilliant ! Remind me of this when I go on holiday (previous downfall) !

efc I adore yoga. Started just after I stopped drinking , and I can see results already - the more I do the more I enjoy it :-)

Sorry rose missed your post WELL DONE ⭐️⭐️🎉🎉🎉⭐️⭐️

That's the hardest 30 days done ! Many congratulations X

Lily 🌷

Thank you Lily for the congrats i know it's still gonna be hard some days but if I can do 30 days AF when it used to be 1-2 bottles wine a night anyone can do this xxx thank you for all of your support xx

Well done Rose! What a star

Thinking of everyone. Busy and knackered here, must get to bed. Good night sober warriors

howbad you are perceptive. I have had a traumatic night. Too much said that can not be taken back. Just awful. So bad. Worse than physical.

matron on my way to work, so short. I'm thinking of you. I hope you had some sleep, and I hope you can find some calm

Matron are you okay? I am around, do you need to talk?

Morning all, was just coming on to say I coped whilst at my parents in law, no real challenges. Have been reading thread and matron you've been doing so brilliantly! I hope things are ok with you today, perhaps it's not as bad as it seemed last night

Oh Matron what happened?

Morning all

matron I'm new so not sure what has gone on but hope you are ok.

Well done everyone clocking up the days.