swinging

[bigsuze87]

My dh has a high sex drive and suggested we try swinging. I said yes to make him happy buy after a lot of thought I told him I couldn't go through with it he said ok, he loved him and has been touchy feely with me since I got home from work.

I found him looking through a swingers website and he thought I meant I couldn't go through with it but he could! I put him straight and now he's acting cold and mad at me. We have been married almost 4 years and since the kids have come along I have become less and less my bubbly self according to my best friend and I totally agree. I have no idea what's wrong with me or what to do

Oh let him go swinging on his own. They don't looks like they do in the films he might watch though, they look more like the ones in Channel 5 documentaries. And while he's out, see a solicitor.

I don't love him because I changed my mind about swinging
Oh really. I put it to you that he doesn't love you, because he suggested swinging.

You don't love him because you cannot condone his sleeping with other people? Heard it all now. I would not respond to any more texts - you would be much better served spending this time finding a SHL. Nothing he says can change what sort of man he is. You deserve so much better than him.

Re: 'losing your bubbliness...

Let me guess. You work, have carried, birthed and raised some kids. Are you, by any chance, doing the lions share of the child rearing as well? If so, you, like so many other parents of young kids busy and tired

I'm guessing that 'losing your bubbliness' is his way of viewing the fact that you're exhausted and not giving him all the attention and sec he thinks he's entitled to.

He sounds like a twat, to be honest

Ask him if he'd mind if you had a sexual relationship with other people without him. I bet the answer is no

I'm pretty sure your bubbly personality would resurface once you've ditch the oxygen thief you're married to

Apparently me agreeing to swinging made me feel more relaxed around women at this playgroup he goes to and how before he couldn't talk to them because I would get jealous. I don't do most of the child rearing I work 40 hours a week. I have told him I am not some paranoid harpy and asked him outright if he wants a divorce or not because if he does I will stay at my BFs (down the road from me)

He is using the "drunken kiss" to make you feel guilty and manipulate you to give in to his ideas.
How can he actually suggest the swinging and be ok the possibility of you with another man if he's throwing a drunken kiss at your face in the first opportunity?

Wtf does playgroup have to do with it!?

I'd take him up on the divorce. Or go stay with your friend anyway for a bit, whilst you think. He's a tosser.

Tell him that OK, you WILL swing with another couple - but only if you get to choose the couple.

Then pick a couple who look like George Clooney and Susan Boyle.

See how that goes.

Apparently the swinging was his last attempt at saving our marriage

That sure makes a change from Relate

As the threat of divorce has failed to bring you to heel change your mind he's hoping that, by ostensibly backing down, he'll be able to gradually wear you down by blaming all of the ills that beset your marriage on your reluctance to participate in the 'one and only' activity that can 'save' it.

He's thrown in the emotional blackmail of you not loving him for good measure as he's hoping you'll be eager to assure the poor diddums in word and deed that you do love him. What a transparent bellend he is!

Now that you can see straight through him you're best advised to pull the plug on your marriage because it is only a matter of time before he starts shagging ow, and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he hasn't got his eye on one or two prospects and has started the my wife doesn't understand me soft talk process.

Fwiw I can't believe that your dps would continue to 'love' him if they were aware that he wants their dd to have sex with random strangers so that he can indulge himself with ow, and I imagine that the reaction of most dps would be to want to cut the sleazy fucker's dick off.

Apparently me agreeing to swinging made me feel more relaxed around women at this playgroup he goes to and how before he couldn't talk to them because I would get jealous

Another load of bolleaux. He's been talking to them and I suspect that one of them has pampas grass growing rampant in her front garden.

I have no doubt that he's been planning this for some time and if you were to engage in swinging, if would rapidly turn to him having become overwhelmed by his attraction to an ow, so sorry, wish he'd never suggested it... as he walks out of your door to shack up wth her.

This knob thinks he's exceptionally clever in coming up with a plan that, if you were fool enough to chuck your car keys into the hat, would prevent you from divorcing him for adultery and, of course, he'd be able to threaten to use your swinging career to paint you in the blackest possible colours to all and sundry if you didn't acquiesce to his divorce demands.

I wouldn't put it past him to claim it was your insatiable appetite for sex, or curiousity about having sex with om, that caused poor put upon him to accompany you to 'adult parties' where he had no choice but to go with the flow, so to speak.

If you're planning to stay with your bf 'down the road', suze, make it clear to him that this will give him time to clear his stuff out before the the weekend when you expect him to leave your home for good.

He does not love you.

He loves himself.

He is a shitty person and you will be way better off without him.

Maybe I'm crediting him with an intelligence he doesn't possess, but I've got the oddest feeling that he's either consulted a solicitor or he's been doing a lot of online research into divorce.

This post is apropos of nothing except the above thought that came to me as soon as I'd posted my earlier response, but I would suggest that you seek legal advice asap.

What an utter dick

Swinging is for people who are 1000% ok with it and trust each other implicitly.

He now doesn't want the divorce but I have told him he is sleeping on the sofa till I say otherwise. I am willing to talk to him but I am not apologising for anything so it is up to him to prove he's worthy

nooooo chuck him out. he will just get a bit on the side anyway -'if he hasn't already-'. he wont actually be allowed into swinging clubs without a partner (i know this, ive watched louis theroux - they are all MINGERS!)

You don't realise it but he already has you dancing to his tune.

fuck that - kick him out

He has already proved himself unworthy. I am not sure what he can now say to redeem himself.

What AF said.

You are worth more than this and so are your children.

He's not worthy of you, kick him out.

I'd divorce a bloke who thought it was OK to say they wanted a divorce by text when I was at work.

Never mind all the other shit.

He'll pull this every time you don't do what he wants, you know that right?

Tbh love, I am not sure you are coming across as much better than him if you are having these conversations by text.

Is nobody a proper grown up these days ?

I can't see that there is anything that can save your marriage.
I suspect you would find your bubbliness again if you left.

He's been very apologetic but at the same time complaining that he's paranoid. I have told him we are taking it slow and its on my terms not his and if I feel like I am being controlled his ass is out. I have demanded my freedom and if he doesn't like it he can go fuck himself with a shitty stick. Plus side my kids are loving me right now

What have your kids got to do with it ?