swinging

[bigsuze87]

My dh has a high sex drive and suggested we try swinging. I said yes to make him happy buy after a lot of thought I told him I couldn't go through with it he said ok, he loved him and has been touchy feely with me since I got home from work.

I found him looking through a swingers website and he thought I meant I couldn't go through with it but he could! I put him straight and now he's acting cold and mad at me. We have been married almost 4 years and since the kids have come along I have become less and less my bubbly self according to my best friend and I totally agree. I have no idea what's wrong with me or what to do

don't respond any more to him. nasty spiteful cunt.

now you need practical advice - lawyer, benefits, etc.

tell him you'll expect him to be gone by tonight.

You know this his way of controlling you. he is so arrogant that he thinks you'll give in rather thsn lose him.

you are well rid! so are your dc

I'd bite his hand off, he sounds like a knob.

If he wants to fuck other women, he can get divorced.

So basically, let me shag other women or I'm leaving you? Ew,he sounds awful.

This has nothing to do with you kissing a man 6 years ago, and everything to do with him being a bully. Call his bluff and make sure you put the real reason for divorce - he has no respect for you, your family or the vows you took and wants to put it about town like a dirty tom cat.

So it's your fault for not going swinging?

He's got some brass neck, I'll give him that.

I'd send back 'divorce sounds like the best idea - you don't need a wife holding you back from fucking strangers at seedy clubs. I'll start looking up the paperwork.'

he thought I meant I couldn't go through with it but he could!

Oh yeah, that's totally what he thought.

I would wonder if you're with my ex, except the timelines don't quite work. He pulled the same stunt with me.

Sounds like he's very unhappy.

He will "blame" you for the divorce.

He will blame the kiss.

He will come out looking like an angel.

Just so you know.

What WellErr said with bells on.

He either really wants the divorce and is using this kiss revelation to support it, or he's threatening divorce to make you say "ok I'll give in on the swinging if we stay together".

My money is on the latter.

However in either case the best response is to call his bluff and get to a solicitor and take control of any separation/divorce rather than let him do so.

TheoriginalLEM

he can be as disappointing as he fucking likes. It still doesn't excuse his behavior. i don't think anyone is clutching pearls just recognising him for the manipulative, selfish little cunt that he is..

You seem very forceful and bitter about someone you don't know....

OP

I could understand why your husband feels let down by your change of heart, though that obviously doesn't justify his childish behavior. Given all the other issues you have talked Swinging should be the last thing you guys try. Probably worth looking at the bigger picture and your own happiness - you say you have lost a lot of your innate happiness recently - I would be focusing on trying to recapture that, even if it costs you your relationship.

TheoriginalLEM

don't respond any more to him. nasty spiteful cunt.

Seriously.....what's wrong with you?

Ops dh has just dumped her by text while she's at work the morning after she told him she didn't fancy swinging.

And you're asking what's wrong with another poster?

What Helmet said.

JamesTiberius - seriously what's wrong with you if you think it's ok behaviour to text your spouse at work telling them you want a divorce?

He wants a divorce. I kissed someone about 4 months into the relationship when I was so drunk I couldn't even remember getting home. 6 years later I tell him after he asked if I have ever cheated. Today a month later he's just text saying he wants a divorce. Apparently the swinging was his last attempt at saving our marriage.

That is deeply nasty, coercive behaviour on his part. While kissing someone else is an issue, it's not on a par with having repeated sex with other people and two wrongs don't make a right. This is a thinly disguised attempt to make out that you are the unreasonable one for not letting him have sex with other people and therefore any divorce is your fault.

I'd call his bluff and tell him he can have his divorce. I think you may find he'll backtrack big time if you stick to your guns, but please don't give in as life will be a lot better for you and your DC without this bully around.

Called his bluff and said fine we are over (I have no fight in for this anymore anyway) and said I will sleep on the sofa or with the kids (I have to be up early so makes sense) and apparently he now regretting his decision and if I give the word we can get back together

Don't give the word. Any word. It's not how you imagined the day would pan out, I'm sure - but he really doesn't sound like a good man.

That's because he expected you to say "Oh no darling, please don't leave. Of course you can go to swingers parties etc etc"

He sounds like a really manipulative man.

OP he sounds a manipulative arse! Very childish and he needs to grow the fuck up. I would give him the bloody divorce he asked for.

sounds like you're on a rocky road here and you guys need to have The Talk.

You may not need to split up over this, but a good honest discussion of how you're both feeling would probably solve this.

He is obviously upset over the kiss. So that needs addressing.
You are upset over the swinging, so that needs addressing.

The two are probably related.

Doesn't matter how drunk you are, it's a conscious decision to kiss someone. You kissed that person because you wanted to, for whatever reason.

talk to your husband.

Well done for calling his bluff.

However I'd cease from any more texting over this other than to say you will speak when you get home.

Then you need to have a really honest conversation about where you both stand and decide what's next.

He IS going to shag around so why wait for it to happen? You don't need that upset in your life he sounds like a controlling manipulative shit get rid of him for you and the kids sake

Though tbh I'm pretty sure that I could do a lot better in life than staying with someone who had tried to manipulate me into swinging by blackmail.

I'm also pretty sure that I wouldn't want to live with someone whom I knew wanted to shag other people - because I'd be certain that if the opportunity presented itself and he could get away with it he would.

However, your life OP and you need to think about how you feel about all this and if this relationship can be fixed and trust rebuilt.

Only 3 words required here

Off

You

Fuck

He is disgusting. What a POS ... please leave him. You don't deserve to be treated in this way. It's disrespectful for starters. Had he suggested spicing up the bedroom in other ways before this?

The mother of his two children and he's saying he wants a divorce because you don't want to go to a seedy singers do. Gross

Pah. I bet he's regretting it.

The answer he was looking for was 'oh no, please don't divorce me! You're right, swinging might fix us. I'll give it a go. I'm so sorry xxxxxxxx'

Well ha fucking ha. Well done OP 👏👏

Oh my goodness, just how low will you have to stoop to retain this "prize" in your life?

I am still texting him but I am not telling him anything. He's now making out that he was over reacting about the kiss and basically I don't love him because I changed my mind about swinging. Omg my eyes are wide open to this shit now lol