DH sulking, I've had enough (possible TMI)

[AlwaysDancing1234]

We've had a really busy couple of weeks and weekends with kids party and DS activities/clubs etc.

Came home from taking DS to a club this morning then DS stayed home with DH to do supposedly do his homework while I took the toddler out with me to grab some shopping.

I said we could all go to park when I got back but DH said no as "hay fever playing up" (it was ok yesterday when he spent hours in his parents garden messing about with power tools )

Got back and DD was asleep in buggy.
DS hasn't even started homework, slumped on sofa watching telly.
Loads of housework/laundry to be done and the garden is badly in need of attention so I said to DH I'll get started on garden but can he help with chores/homework.

DH started sulking because he wanted me to go in the bedroom with him and (no delicate way of saying this) give him a blow job.

He threw a strop and stomped off mumbling how he was too far down list of priorities.
Admittedly we don't have sex hardly ever but that's due to issues he's aware of.

I just feel it's the last straw today when I've been rushing about the whole weekend trying to look after everyone and everything.

I've left him to sulk and tended the garden. I just came in and realised He's been sitting in the bedroom ever since. DS was left alone watching tv and still hasn't started his sodding homework.

I'm beyond fed up now and just want to tell him to go away and not come back

He has said previously he'd want at least 50/50
He is a good dad albeit something of a Disney Dad (I do all the crap like bath haircuts homework school stuff etc and he swoops in and buys video games and plays with them.

I doubt he'd actually want 50/50 - they all say it but hardly any really do

He's not a good dad and he's not a good partner, he no doubt knows you won't leave so heaps the crap on you cos he knows you will take it - you say your kids will be devastated if you split, I find that hard to believe and him wanting 50/50 is a joke.

You set your own bar OP, what you accept is what you get given.

As the child of divorced parents I just want to say they will see it and take it in more than you think. My "dad" was also very demanding with my mum and would punish her by sulking and being frankly horrible if she didn't give him sex on demand etc. There was a lot more to it but at the age of 8 I was fully aware of what was going on and the impact it had on my mum. Eventually they split when the D went off with his mistress. He fought for full custody and we were in court for years with mum repeatedly saying talk to the kids, whatever the kids want we will do it. Eventually we were interviewed by social services and my mum was granted full custody and D had to pay to help her cope with rent etc. It wasn't easy but even the hard times were better because the awful relationship was gone.

As a now married adult who is TTC I can fully appreciate the hell you are going through with not knowing what to do. But I just have to say if your DH is fully aware of your past and claims to deal with this he wouldn't act this way. Sulking when you say no and on best behaviour when you do what he wants? My advice would be sit him down, tell him exactly how you feel and what needs to change. If he does then great. If not then you have your answer. I hope things get better for you!

Also shit work weeks and hay fever are no excuse for this behaviour!

Thank you steffw that makes a lot of sense really.
He apologised a bit this morning and said he feels like it's "all falling apart" as he's got awful problems in work and we've just had a shit weekend.
I don't know what to do for the best.

To add he is on antidepressants and I'm worried what state he'd get in to if I said we should split up

Always I don't have any advice but he sounds just like the dipshit I am married to.

I get asked to give him a BJ in the same circumstances but to be honest, I just agree to have a quiet life and not put up with his sulking, so you are stronger than me.

It's put me off him and off sex full stop.

Depression is a real and serious illness but it's not an excuse to treat your partner like a giant receptive house working mouth. I suspect he is one of those depressives who doesn't want to get better and wants everyone around him, including children, to do his hard work for him.

There's something deeply disturbing about demanding a blowjob in the middle of a day of childcare. It's basically saying 'you must now ignore these children entirely and perform this act which is solely all about me to show how you would much rather do this than look after the kids.' Waa, waa, delicate manbaby is feeling neglected. What's he gonna do, shout down the stairs "check it out kids, I still have full control of your mother's attention, not you"?

I mean, if a partner strolled into he other's place of work and demanded "drop all your tasks and sexually service me right now", that would be inappropriate and suggest something was very much not right with the demander. They don't want sex, they want control and power. A bit of humiliation thrown in.

Stomach-turning.

And no, Disney dads never want 50-50. They think they'll avoid paying maintenance that way but the reality of it makes them quit.

Don''t let him do the whole 'if you leave me I'll kill myself' schtick. It's as old as the hills. I'm helping a friend at the moment whose stoner loser of an EXH still comes and wails in her front garden about how he wants her to forgive his cheating and violence and let him back into her life 'or he might kill himself', but it's been three years and he's making no progress yet.

He's on anti-deps already so if you have to look after your own mh by telling him to go (temporarily, perhaps, it doesn't have to be all or nothing right now) then he can go back to the doc and ask for more or stronger or a different one. He has choices and so do you.

You are not responsible for his happiness or his mh. He has to take responsibility for something surely. He's not taking responsibility for his home environment, his children, his wife, as it is, and now you think you're also responsible for his mh. Well, you're not.

If he's on ADs then he should be seeking counseling to help him deal with his depression and its issues.

You don't need to sacrifice your happiness for his. He is an adult, he has resources.

He apologised a bit this morning and said he feels like it's "all falling apart" as he's got awful problems in work and we've just had a shit weekend.

Yeah, well, excuses are like arseholes. We've all got them and they all stink!