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Original poster

DH sulking, I've had enough (possible TMI)

111 replies

AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/05/2016 15:25

We've had a really busy couple of weeks and weekends with kids party and DS activities/clubs etc.

Came home from taking DS to a club this morning then DS stayed home with DH to do supposedly do his homework while I took the toddler out with me to grab some shopping.

I said we could all go to park when I got back but DH said no as "hay fever playing up" (it was ok yesterday when he spent hours in his parents garden messing about with power tools Hmm)

Got back and DD was asleep in buggy.
DS hasn't even started homework, slumped on sofa watching telly.
Loads of housework/laundry to be done and the garden is badly in need of attention so I said to DH I'll get started on garden but can he help with chores/homework.

DH started sulking because he wanted me to go in the bedroom with him and (no delicate way of saying this) give him a blow job.

He threw a strop and stomped off mumbling how he was too far down list of priorities.
Admittedly we don't have sex hardly ever but that's due to issues he's aware of.

I just feel it's the last straw today when I've been rushing about the whole weekend trying to look after everyone and everything.

I've left him to sulk and tended the garden. I just came in and realised He's been sitting in the bedroom ever since. DS was left alone watching tv and still hasn't started his sodding homework.

I'm beyond fed up now and just want to tell him to go away and not come back Sad

OP posts:
ricketytickety · 15/05/2016 16:04

It should be the last straw. It's demeaning to you and the dc. And he's punishing you for not going along with it.

AugustaFinkNottle · 15/05/2016 16:05

Did it not once occur to him that you were massively more likely to be in the mood for sex if he'd done all that you asked of him?

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/05/2016 16:12

I was sort of expecting at least one person to see it from his side really, but not one positive comment yet.
Things have been going downhill for a while really but I keep thinking it will get better, after this afternoons performance I'm not so sure Sad
I'm now getting the silent treatment

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/05/2016 16:14

It should be the last straw. It's demeaning to you and the dc. And he's punishing you for not going along with it
This post has hit me like a punch in the stomach, because I know you are right.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/05/2016 16:17

I am sure if you wait long enough some sexist arsehole who thinks women are there purely for men to wank into will come along and tell you that you should have sucked your juvenile husband's cock.

ricketytickety · 15/05/2016 16:19

What would happen if you told him how you felt?

MangoBiscuit · 15/05/2016 16:21

Even when I try seeing it from his side (feeling unloved perhaps? not managing to communicate very well?) I still can't see how the not bothering to parent (getting the homework done), the not bothering with any of the chores, and the stropping off can fit in to a scenario where he's not being a dick.

Sounds to me like he's not ok with the lack of sex, and instead of being a reasonable grown up, he's being a sulking great man-child who's decided to punish you by leaving you to do everything yourself. I'd be telling him to grow up or fuck off.

AmserGwin · 15/05/2016 16:22

This is vile, what a turn off. My ex was a bit like this, don't regret leaving him for a second. Disgusting Angry

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/05/2016 16:23

rickety we've had that conversation before but I actually ended up feeling sorry for him. He says he loves me and wants to show that love by being physical with me. He said it didn't used to be like this.
He's right in a way but when we had DS and then later DD it brought out some bad feelings from my abusive past. That coupled with health and body issues now makes sex incredibly difficult for me.
I have him a BJ a couple of weeks ago (sorry tmi) and he was so grateful and loving for a while afterwards but now things have slipped back to normal

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/05/2016 16:24

His behaviour is appalling.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

And you and he are together because.....

Pinkheart5915 · 15/05/2016 16:26

I'd just leave him to his sulk, have a serious talk when your ready.

I hate hearing of men that sulk over sex, it's childish and such a turn off.

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/05/2016 16:27

I've gotta go out for a bit soon so might disappear for a while if I don't have phone reception. I'll be back later.
Thank you so much to all of you who have managed to read and reply to my rambling posts, I don't usually have such poor spelling and grammar but my brain is mush.
I'm really struggling to keep my composure in front of the kids.
I just feel like i can't do this any more but splitting up would destroy my children.

OP posts:
CharlotteCollins · 15/05/2016 16:30

Being abused is being told that someone else's needs are more important than yours. Is it any wonder that you still have issues from an abusive past? Get away from your abusive present and you have a better chance at healing in an abuse-free future!

Your kids will not be broken. They will still have their dad. But they will have a mum with more dignity and confidence.

GreenTomatoJam · 15/05/2016 16:31

Jesus Christ.

And then they accuse you of trading housework for sex, which it totally isn't, it's that why would I want to have sex if there is so much work still to do, I'm knackered from the work I've already done, and you're doing nothing to share that work?!

Sod that.

Pipbin · 15/05/2016 16:33

He says he loves me and wants to show that love by being physical with me

Bollocks. Yes having sex with someone is a physical sign of love.
Coming in the mouth of a woman who really doesn't want to be there or doing that is not.

I just feel like i can't do this any more but splitting up would destroy my children.
Your children seeing their father who thinks that it is OK to treat women like this will do them much more harm that splitting up will.

MangoBiscuit · 15/05/2016 16:34

In some ways I can see some similarities with my DH, although not the extent. Physical affection is a big part of what makes my DH feel loved. Removing it has the same effect on him, as us not spending much time together has on me. It makes me feel less secure in our relationship. Eventually we start sort of withdrawing from each other, and it makes things tense. We're both aware of this, and make an effort to spend time together, and show physical affection. Such as cuddles, sitting close on the sofa, a back rub etc, not a quick blow job while the DCs are up and about! Hmm

Thing is though, even if we have slipped into that tense, withdrawn sort of state, if DH had a strop and refused to parent, or pull his weight, I'd tell him he's being a dick and to get the fuck over himself. I would fully expect an apology, him to make an effort to pull his weight again, and then we'd sit down and talk about it once the DC were in bed.

I think what I'm trying to say is that while I can see the possible reasoning for your DH not feeling happy, it's still not an excuse for shitty behaviour.

harrisntasha · 15/05/2016 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BaronessBomburst · 15/05/2016 16:40

Reported. ^^

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 15/05/2016 16:42

If this is how you feel, staying would destroy your children. Kids aren't stupid, they know when their parents aren't happy. There are hundreds of threads on here with people saying they wish their parents had split up instead of staying together 'for their sake'.

Are you getting any counselling re the issues that having the DC have brought up?

What was he like around the house etc before DC?

RubbishMantra · 15/05/2016 16:48

The BJ thing on top of everything else? Therefore turning it into another chore?! Seems he sees you as a housekeeper and (putting it delicately) a non paid companion.

How would he feel if he was in the middle of a busy day, with no help and you'd been sitting on your arse all day probably watching porn and demanded he provide oral sex (with no reciprocation) and still had loads of stuff to do?

How awful, to live with a man who expects you to do pretty much all of the practical stuff, then expects you to drop everything to give him a BJ Angry

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/05/2016 16:50

Okay, I'm going to be the controversial one (though I think he's being a total dick). Do you think your relationship would improve if you could manage to get your child into their own bedroom? Are you possibly guilty of keeping your child in bed with you because it makes it easier to avoid sex?

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/05/2016 16:59

Tinkly we don't have another bedroom to put DD in at the moment. We've only got 2 bedrooms and DS is in the other one. He has ASD issues so really needs his own space. DD also has breathing problems and needs to be checked and sorted out regularly during the night.
I'm not using the excuse of her being in the bed to avoid sex. Most nights, especially recently as she's been ill, I sleep in living room with her as DH moans like hell if he doesn't get much sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 15/05/2016 17:00

Curious now as to the content of the deleted message as I didn't see it but thanks for reporting Baroness

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 17:01

This is awful, OP, just awful. He sounds horribly resentful and almost like he's 'testing' you. He's most definitely keeping some sort of 'score' in his head and seems to think that doing household chores in a home he shares entitles him to quid pro quo for sex.

... and he knows what has gone on in your past presumably and he takes no care not to trample all over your understandably raw feelings about this.

There's just no excuse that he could give that would be good enough. So sorry to hear this; you sound so justifiably upset.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/05/2016 17:01

Always it was a spammer, they've spammed lots of threads this afternoon - about a lord someshit or other. It was nothing to do with your thread.

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