Managing money

[nightandthelight]

DH and I have been married two and a half years and have a three month old DS. Before getting married I earned slightly more than him (couple of thousand a year) and we split joint contributions on a proportional basis.

We then had a period after marriage where we earnt the same so all joint contributions were split equally and we had the same amount of money for ourselves each month (we have a joint current account for bills and a joint savings account and then our own accounts).

DH has just got a new job with a significant pay rise (around 10k) and I am on maternity leave so reduced income and will hopefully be returning to work part time so there will be a big difference in our salaries going forward.

I feel that life would be a lot easier and fairer if we put all our money in one pot (siphoning some off into a joint savings account as well) and treated it as family money. DH doesn't feel that this is fair though as we didn't do this when I was earning more before we were married.

I am currently struggling every month for money and any spare I have goes into our joint savings as we are in the process of buying a new house and need money for legal fees, furniture etc. DH on the other hand always has money spare and has his own savings pot which I can't afford to do. He puts the same amount as me into joint savings, any spare goes into his personal savings.

I feel that this is unfair now that we are married and have a baby and our incomes are so different. But perhaps as DH has said I am being unfair as I was happy for it to be proportionate when I was the higher earner.

I suppose technically this should be in AIBU! So AIBU to feel that we should see money as family money now and not keep everything so separate.

Forgot to mention the separate thing is also a hassle as we end up owing each other money for stuff we bought with our own accounts and endlessly swapping money back and forth.

"So paying into a pension for me?"

I'm sorry, I don't understand the question?

I'm not understanding the pension bit. What should I be doing with regards pensions?

Well, I assume you're already paying into your own pension, so you don't need to do anything as such, apart from make sure you're paying enough in to have a decent pension pot at the end. I just wanted to point out that you might not be paying as much into your pension as your DH pays into his, especially not while you're on maternity leave or if you part time. So that's something to bear in mind when you decide whether/when to go back to work, and when you decide what's "fair" in terms of splitting the finances.

I'm just thinking that someone this stingy and selfish won't necessarily be willing to share his pension with you, so you can't really count on it.

Pool all your money and split what is left after all the bills etc 50 ;50. THAT is fair .

Yes pay into my own pension and it's not too bad as am public sector. Will ask payroll to give me a run down of the impact.

That is what we are going to do glad :)

OP, the good thing is that you're confronted by this 2 1/2 years into tje marriage, not 25 years into it.
It should have been dealt with before the marriage, but that's another story.

Make a rough child related budget, say £ 300. He needs to pay it all, as you are covering 100% of the childcare.
Go back to work full time and ask him to pay half of the £1000 that's going to cover the nursery.
When buying the house make sure you're buying your share, he buys his, not joint. I believe it's called tennants in common as opposed to joint tennants.
When you get back to work, pay yourself 12% first. Put the money away in your son's name ( smart account, you have full control, but if H gets funny about the money, he won't be able to touch it, as it isn't in your name).