I love her but she wants a child badly and I dont

[user1462882883]

Hi everyone,

I am new here and a male ( bear with me!). I have read this board for a while and wanted to post my story to share and would appreciate your views, especially anyone who can relate to it.

I am in a relationship with an amazing woman who i truly love, and who loves me. We want to be together forever. We have been together for just over a year with one or two splits.

Early on she said she had always wanted children in the near future, and I told her that children have never really been something i have yearned for. We were falling in love and this issue fell to the wayside - for a bit. Then it resurfaced and she hadn't changed her mind at all, it was non-negotiable for her. So i told her i would open my mind to the idea of becoming a father more as i loved her.

Fast forward to now, and she has given me an ultimatum that either i get on board now while she can still have children ( she is 37), or she will look elsewhere or have one on her own. So effectively she is choosing a hypothetical child over her love for me.

I have been to counselling, to explore why i am not paternal, and no matter what i do or try, i just cannot generate a want or a desire for a child of my own, even though i love this woman. It is so heartbreaking to lose her over this, i dont want to lose her. I will never meet another so perfect for me in all other ways.

I just cant seem to get that longing or want for a baby / child. People say once its my own, then it would kick in, but surely you have to have some sort of want on some level to do this?

Please advise as i cannot cope with the thought of losing this woman.

I don't really get why you are going round in these endless circles. You don't want kids. You're sure about it. She does. Time to part company. The end

I've told her that parenting is 5% fun and 95% sadness, hardship and hard work.

If you truly believe this then she is better off without you

If it were true the entire human race would be slowly dying out!

You have no dilemma here she wants and is determined to have and you do not. If you really loved her you would probably want what she wants, you don't

Let her get on with the rest of her life.

And you get on with yours

You're fucking with the people on this forum aren't you?

You want A. She wants B. You part ways.

If you want to pine/understand self - find other avenues. This thread isn't the place.

My God, you think you're in Dr. Zhivago, don't you?

I think youre completely unrealistic about how shit having a child is. Do you think the entire world are just masochists?

I want her to get what makes her happy.

I don't want the guilt of being in the way.

Why is this happening to me.

I have just read at length about how the nappies , sleep deprivation etc kills parents and that the Kodak moments of parenthood are only less than 10% at best?

141 posts to go!

ah get lost Sunnyoutside. You didn't have to walk away from a man you loved, because he didn't want kids and you did.

" I think youre completely unrealistic about how shit having a child is."

So what are the ratios then? What percent good and what is bad?

Um how do you know that OP? I have walked away from a navel gazing, self obsessed, angst ridden 40something loser though

So what are the ratios then? What percent good and what is bad?

Don't be a nob.

So what are the ratios then? What percent good and what is bad?

With someone who doesn't want to have children? The ratio is 100% shit for the man.

"you want them to be happy, to be the happiest version of themselves they can be

Even if that means they are that without you. "

It hurts but you are right. I can never make her as happy as a child could.

I'm telling her now.

If she leaves because she wants a child more than she wants to have a relationship with you

Yes, she is leaving.

Yes, it hurts like hell and I wish one of you could see that. Just from my side, for one minute.

I think I just heard a clog turn and a penny drop...

And sunny your well mean you are... Did he pull your pigtails

oh dear what have I become/been driven too

OP you have had support from lots of people but all the dithering, all the "I'm having unprotected sex" and the general complete disregard for this woman you say you loves feeling has caused people on here to just get fed up with your bleating on and continue to say walk away.

If you had said on page 3 "thank you for the input I've ended our relationship, I've been clear and now I feel very sad" the responses you would receive would have been very different.

But I've heard "I'm telling her" for this entire saga and you keep coming back with statements such as "surely one child won't hurt" and bypassed all the ladies who have tried to explain to you that it is really not a good idea.

Your wailing sounds as though you expect life to be "fair" (to you) and can't understand why you can't have all the things you want - that's why people are saying you sound immature. This kind of angst-ridden going on and on and railing against the world is what teenagers do, but it's not what is expected of adults.

Life isn't "fair". We don't get everything we want, all the time. You and she want different things and have different priorities. This makes you incompatible for a long-term relationship. That's it.

Kittens I have seen too many of these angst ridden men. It is like that old saying "Shit or get off the pot" There is probably a good few people queuing behind you, so if you can't/dont want to do your business then let someone else try.

And yes, we understand it hurts.

However, you seem to be doing nothing to deal with your own hurt - it sounds like you want the world to fix it for you.

Less than 130 posts to go. Hurrah!

It is like that old saying "Shit or get off the pot" There is probably a good few people queuing behind you, so if you can't/dont want to do your business then let someone else try.

I quite love this!