husband hit me in the face

[Kitkatabc123]

I have come on here tonight as I feel so depressed and alone at the moment. I have been with my husband 7 years and we have 2 beautiful children. We only got married last year and have just set up a buissiness which is going well. We have never been a very romantic, touchy feeley couple. But it has recently it got to the the point where I couldnt even put my arm around him without him telling me I was annoying him!
And communication has been very poor between us. However put this down as normal stresses and thought that all marriges have their ups and downs.
Anyway we were going out for the day on Saturday and i was in a great mood. He was his usual quiet self in the car (he was driving). I was singing along to the radio and to him and trying to get his attention. I playfully undid the back of his cap as a joke. He told me to take the wheel. he looked frustrated as he did the back of his cap up. As he took the wheel back I said aww sorry babe, and went to stroke his face, and as I did he punched me in the face. He told me to fuck off and that I knew he was in a bad mood and was winding him up. We hadn't even argued!! And the worst part was that out kids were in the back. I was initially in shock but when he started blaming me i screamed at him and shouted that I didn't want to be with him anymore then stopped talking to him. He soon calmed down and started apologising but i wouldnt talk to him. We continued out day out for the children's sake. When we got home he cried and told me he had had a stressful week (which he had) with work and that he just 'reacted'. I felt sorry for him and told him that things will have to change and he agreed. Since then he has been very attentive and is really trying but reality has sunk in now. I don't know what to do it who to talk to about the situation. It's never happened before and I am sure it won't happen again but I am so deeply hurt by it. I need to heal but don't know how. Please help me find a way to move forward.

[Smurfling43]

He needs to leave, end of. You need time to process what happened. He punched you in the face in front of your kids. In.Front.Of .Your.Kids.
Think of them.

[Mrscaindingle]

Jesus Beauglacons it doesn't matter if the op was a complete pain in the arse her 'D'H does not have the right to punch her in the face for it especially in front of their young DC.

And why does the op need to find out why he is so deeply unhappy, why is he not responsible for his own feelings and actions?

Your post was a perfect example of victim blaming.

[kittybiscuits]

Well said Mrscaindingle - agreed it was a really disgusting post!

[Pseudo341]

You were way out of line faffing around with his hat and face while he was trying to drive, that's dangerous. Obviously does not excuse him hitting you though.

I'm not going to say walk out the door and don't look back, though that's certainly perfectly justifiable in the circumstances. This may be a catalyst to make him wake up and stop being such an arse. If he's willing to try then maybe you can still turn things around. I think you really need to get some external help in the form of marriage councelling. If he won't cooperate or in any way tries to go back to his awful behaviour then you do need to get out.

Sorry this has happened to you. Yes you were being annoying, I can understand that you're getting a bit desperate for any kind of attention from him though so considerably more excusable in your case. Do not ever let yourself think you deserved to be hit.

[KurriKurri]

To be perfectly honest, you were being a complete pain in the arse. If I behaved like that my DH would be pissed off and would probably have left me before now.

He shouldn't have hit you but he was badly provoked. You also say "we hadn't even argued" as though this is a common occurrence.

You need to find out why he has been so miserable lately. Perhaps he's deeply unhappy.

Are you the OP's husband?

If someone is annoying you while you are driving, you pull over, you say 'don't do that while I'm driving, it's distracting and dangerous' then you carry on with your day.

Nothing justifies punching someone in the face, it's an act of extreme violence and done in front of the children makes it worse. He may be stressed, he may be unhappy - lots of people are, they don't punch their loved ones.

Anyone who makes any kind of excuse for this appalling behaviour is victim blaming and condoning domestic violence.

Please don't accept any excuses from him OP, he WILL do it again - it's always easier for them after the first time.

Contact women's aid, or contact the police - they will give you advice on keeping yourself safe and put you in touch with organisations who can help you.

You don't need to live with this, it is not normal, it is not acceptable - don't let yourself get trapped in an abusive and violent relationship.

This is your warning call to get out before this becomes your life, you deserve better than this and so do your children.

[BarbarianMum]

Just no. Your children are being damaged whilst you stay with this man who rejects and assaults their mother. If you are not ready to leave just yet that can't be helped but it is for your benefit, not theirs.

In your position I would call the police and report the assault. Then see a solicitor. If you don't want to do that then please at least set up a private (secret) savings account and start building up a nest egg - this will come in useful in the future whatever happens.

And never distract someone who is driving. You know how dangerous that is, right?

[Narp]

It's not a great sign that you were desperate for his attention, is it?

I can't reconcile the words "punch in the face" with a marriage

It's appalling, and appalling that your children witnessed all that, trapped in the car behind you.

I don't see how you can be sure he wouldn't do it again. It's in his bones now - he did it once without thinking and nothing bad happened as a result

[AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs]

he'll do it again.

[var123]

I think you'd have got on my nerves too in the car, and by the time you came to stroke his face, it had been me, I'd have been incredibly annoyed with you. It doesn't justify him punching you though.

TBH it doesn't sound like he likes you notwithstanding the punch and you don't sound like you have much empathy for what he is feeling, so you may as well just give up on your marriage now that it has come to this.

Starting a business is incredibly stressful and can really tear at a marriage if its your first time working together. You need a really strong relationship to get through it, and unfortunately, from your post, i'd guess you have a really poor relationship.

[lilybetsy]

I agree you sound extremely annoying, and childish, BUT violence is never acceptable, its abuse and totally wrong.

Like everyone else I urge you to leave him, for the sake of your children.

But you are in denial, and nowhere near accepting the truth

[goddessofsmallthings]

How many more times does it need to be said that couples counselling is NOT recommended where one party has exhibited abusive behaviour towards the other?

I am more cynical realistic than most about the success rate of dv perp courses but, given that the OP has stated that this is the first and only time her h has physically assaulted her, attendance should serve to focus his mind on the consequences that may ensue if he fails to treat the mother of his dc with respect at all times.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Bloody hell Beau, bloody hell!

Disgusting victim blaming attitude.

Op, it wasn't the last time, it was the start, ask him to leave and report this to the police.

[DoreenLethal]

It is the first time he has ever hit me and I believe it to be the last.

That's what EVERYONE who gets punched in the face thinks.

If someone in the street punched you in the face, you you want to go out for a drink with them another time? Or would you avoid them?

The only way to make it the last time is to end the relationship. By carrying on, what you have done is set the precedent that you allow punching in the face.

[DoreenLethal]

And he is only crying as he realises that you could go to the police and what this could entail FOR HIM. Not for you.

And you should definitely report this.

[Gide]

I'd be gone if my Dh did this.

I have to say-but in no way does this excuse his actions-that it was stupid to fiddle with his cap/stroke him whilst driving. If he was quiet, you were singing along with the radio, did you know he was feeling stressed?

I hear lots of stories of DV, the abused person to.erates the first few ti,es of being hit. He needs to know that you will report him if this happens again. Please phone 101 and ask for advice from the DV trained officer or Women's Aid.

[Baconyum]

I will go out on a limb and say I suspect every dv victim thought the first time would be the last... Or else why stay?

[rumblingDMexploitingbstds]

I am so sorry. are you bruised or still in pain?

Please don't underestimate what witnessing this will have done to your children. They saw their father lash out and punch their mother in the face. The people supposed to keep them and their world safe. It will have been very frightening, traumatising, they saw their loved dad become a threatening and dangerous figure for that moment because they will have to know if he can hit you he may hit them, (it will do no good assuring them he won't, they didn't know he could punch loved ones and now they do) and they saw you unable to defend yourself and be a victim. Mummy, the strongest person in the world, was harmed in front of them. Their loyalties will feel split. They love their dad but saw him hurt you - how do they rationalise that? Your partner needs to realise this as whether you stay together or not, you both will have to pick up the pieces of what he has done for your children as well as your relationship.

Sadly a punch in the face is not an every day response to stress - would he punch a colleague? A random stranger in tesco? Or just you in private? There was choice involved here and statics show it is very likely that he will do it again. I'm so sorry he has done this to you.

[dangerrabbit]

Don't stay for the children's sake. You may not see it as abuse but this would be viewed as domestic violence. If social services found out about this you would be considered to be putting your children at risk as you are a victim of domestic violence and you have not taken steps to remove yourself from your abuser. Therefore not only your husband but also you would be considered to be putting your children at risk and your children would be put on a child protection plan. This would be taken quite seriously especially given the age of your children as they must be quite young.

I am sorry for what has happened to you and I hope you take some time to reflect about what is best for you and your children. You may like to consider giving women's aid a call.

Good luck for the future and making hard choices. 🍀

[Adnerb95]

This is serious, as the OP acknowledges, and certainly needs addressing - counselling at the very least. But to insist that the only way forward is to end the relationship, as many PPs are, is wrong in my view. I was hit - once - in a very happy, stable marriage of over 40 years.
It was at a time, 25 years ago, when DH was anxious and severely depressed and IT NEVER HAPPENED AGAIN. If I had got out there and then I would have missed out on many good years with a loving, faithful husband.
So, it's too early to tell if this is a pattern of behaviour which will be repeated. I agree totally that if it becomes a pattern, then there is only one answer. But it sounds as if he is in a bit of a state generally and you both need help.

[DrMorbius]

Wow !!!! singing and undoing his cap, is seen as very annoying, FUCK ME, was he driving through a mine field at the time???? Give me a break.

Question to the clowns mentioning OP being annoying. If the kids would have "kicked off" or started singing, would you mentioned that as mitigation if he had punched them in the face????

Op it doesn't matter if you were swinging from the mirror, your DH should be intrinsically wired to protect you. He should no more be able to punch himself than be able to punch you. Something is very wrong with your relationship.

[BadDoGooder]

It is the first time he has ever hit me and I believe it to be the last.

No no no, please do not believe this.

I said this, the first time my ex gave me a slap.

Four years later than I should have left, he tried to kill me. I had to grab some things and run, barefoot from the house.

Please listen to everyone.

This is always just the first time, there will be a second.

Please, please don't do this to your kids.

Get paperwork, important docs like passports etc
Find somewhere to go and leave.

Call Womens Aid.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Your DH Adnerb accepted full responsibility for his actions and never repeated it. Its very much an exception to the rule so cannot be applied generally.

Joint counselling is never recommended where there is abuse of any sort within the relationship. NO decent counsellor would ever see OP and her H together in the same room due to the abuse meted out.

SOLE counselling for the OP is adviseable however, and Womens Aid can and will help if she makes the call to them. She needs to talk openly in a safe and controlled environment.

[BadDoGooder]

Adnerb I do see what your saying, but if I had a pound for everytime a woman thought it was a one off, minimised it, then ended up being much more badly hurt, I would be v rich.
Most of the time, once leads to more, and to pretend otherwise is not going to help women like me.

[MsBlandingsBuildsHerDreamHouse]

I'm so sorry, because I'm absolutely sure it's not what you want to hear, but I agree with all the PP who say that it won't just be once. It's much more likely that this is the first time, not the last.