husband hit me in the face

[Kitkatabc123]

I have come on here tonight as I feel so depressed and alone at the moment. I have been with my husband 7 years and we have 2 beautiful children. We only got married last year and have just set up a buissiness which is going well. We have never been a very romantic, touchy feeley couple. But it has recently it got to the the point where I couldnt even put my arm around him without him telling me I was annoying him!
And communication has been very poor between us. However put this down as normal stresses and thought that all marriges have their ups and downs.
Anyway we were going out for the day on Saturday and i was in a great mood. He was his usual quiet self in the car (he was driving). I was singing along to the radio and to him and trying to get his attention. I playfully undid the back of his cap as a joke. He told me to take the wheel. he looked frustrated as he did the back of his cap up. As he took the wheel back I said aww sorry babe, and went to stroke his face, and as I did he punched me in the face. He told me to fuck off and that I knew he was in a bad mood and was winding him up. We hadn't even argued!! And the worst part was that out kids were in the back. I was initially in shock but when he started blaming me i screamed at him and shouted that I didn't want to be with him anymore then stopped talking to him. He soon calmed down and started apologising but i wouldnt talk to him. We continued out day out for the children's sake. When we got home he cried and told me he had had a stressful week (which he had) with work and that he just 'reacted'. I felt sorry for him and told him that things will have to change and he agreed. Since then he has been very attentive and is really trying but reality has sunk in now. I don't know what to do it who to talk to about the situation. It's never happened before and I am sure it won't happen again but I am so deeply hurt by it. I need to heal but don't know how. Please help me find a way to move forward.

[differentnameforthis]

Exactly, memyselfandaye

[SimonaObadiaGN]

Thank you so much for sharing your story and I'm very sorry that you had to suffer like this, especially in the presence of your children.

I deal with cases like this every day and this is not something that should be tolerated.

Feel free to take a look at one of my articles on the subject, that I hope you will find useful in some way: www.gnlaw.co.uk/gn_law_media/news/2016/simona_obadia_revisits_the_law_on_domestic_violence

Best wishes.

[Stormtreader]

"Saying to op that she shouldn't have done it = saying IF she HADN'T done x, y wouldn't have happened. Ergo, you are blaming the victim for being the cause of the assault."

I know a couple where she will wind him up purposely until theyre both shouting and screaming, and then facebook that hes being aggressive towards her again. Physical violence is never acceptable, ever, but I dont think its victim blaming to say that sometimes "playful teasing" edges over into "poking the tiger with a stick to get a reaction".

[bigbuttons]

agreed, especially if there is deliberate goading going on.

[Lweji]

Saying to op that she shouldn't have done it IS NOT = saying IF she HADN'T done x, y wouldn't have happened.

It's basic logic and English. Sigh!

[mix56]

And back to the original post:
Aside from the final punch.

You stated I couldnt even put my arm around him without him telling me I was annoying him!
I would say that he doesn't seem to like you much. & the punch was the proof of the pudding.
I think the crying was self serving
I think he needs to be told that he/you are leaving
He may or may not try & fix things.
The final punch, must be the last. Whether or not you can restore your marriage is frankly up to him. Do NOT accept responsibility for his violence, whilst driving, with the children watching.
you can sing, you can "play", you can show tenderness. if he was in a bad mood, he just needed to tell you to please "knock it off".
Debate over

[Kitkatabc123]

Thanks to those who have offered their advise and support. To those who thought I deserved the hit, well you can go fuck yourselves. I dont take any responsibility for his violence and all i was just trying to cheer him up n i would have never done anything to jepordise the safety of my children. He did though when he got me to grab the wheel of the veichle n then hit me after i tried to apoligise and stroke his cheek. When I look back at it now 2 weeks on I feel very angry about the incident but I have decided to give it another go. I have explained that If he shows one flash of temper in the future I have sworn I will walk away and never return. maybe i am naive to think it won't happen again... but at this time I feel it is the right option for me. I do think I need councelling for myself tho after the incident as I have had to keep it to myself as I'm so embarrassed.

[goddessofsmallthings]

I'm glad you've come back, OP, and I hope that you find the courage to end your marriage when/if he hits you again. .

Why have you "had to" keep this incident to yourself when you have nothing to be embarrassed about? It seems to me that your h needs to attend an anger management course as a matter of urgency, and that any counselling you engage in should be directred towards recognising those other ways in which he abuses you.

Please find your nearest Womens Aid service here //www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/ and enrol on the Freedom Programme which will enable you to voice your feelings with, and to, other women who've also been victims of dv.

[LisaMed]

1. He had no excuse to hit you.
   

1. If you had behaved like that to me I would not have hit you, but I would have left you.
   

1. It may be better for both of you to split. You will not be always wondering if something will set him off. You will not worry if you have to modify your behaviour in case he snaps again. It can't go back to what it was. You had no warning that this was going to happen.

[Baconyum]

I am so sorry you don't yet feel ready to leave, unfortunately I too believe it's extremely unlikely this will be the last time.

Please keep posting, keep getting support and tell someone in real life as you may well be glad you did in the future.

[Lweji]

I'm afraid all pps are right.
The relationship has deep problems. And that he's capable of punching you in front of the children and in a moving car is possibly the biggest of all. You don't say what responsibility he took over that, but I'm guessing none or very little. And I'm also guessing you are the one sorting it all out, ultimatum included, to maintain the status quo.
You won't approach him again or put an arm around him, just in case, will you?
I hope your councellimg helps, although if they're good, not exactly as you seem to hope.

[Atenco]

Take counselling on your own, though, OP, as it is totally useless to do couple counselling when there is abuse and there is no mistaking the abuse in this situation. The number of women who are living in horrendous situations but put up with it because there is no violence. You have the violence and are still willing to put up with it. I understand that it is not at all easy to break up with the father of your children, but unfortunately he will hit you again.

[SleeplessRageMonster]

Jesus Christ woman, he punched you in the face, and not only that, it was WHILST DRIVING and in front of your children!! He not only punched you then, but endangered his children by being a fucking moronic cunt and doing it whilst driving, not that he should be doing it at all of course!!

[Baconyum]

Sleepless your post is merely bullying the OP again - she's getting enough of that from her husband. It's not helpful.

[grannytomine]

Messing about while he was driving is very unreasonable. Did it occur to you that it was dangerous to be distracting him while he was driving, your poor kids.

Doesn't excuse his behaviour at all but don't be silly when people are driving.

Sounds like a very unhappy relationship and you would be better off apart as this isn't good for the children. If you both want it to work I think you need some counselling.

[Baconyum]

Granny as has been repeatedly discussed on the thread that's victim blaming a victim of dv.

[grannytomine]

Stormtreader I know a couple just like the one you describe and one day I was in their car when an incident happened, it was actually the wife who got violent and punched him while he was driving. I have never been so scared in my life and their little girl was hysterical.

[grannytomine]

Baconyum, no its being honest. Messing about with people who are driving is dangerous and I would be annoyed and I am a laid back sort of person. Like I said doesn't excuse his behaviour and doesn't mean he wouldn't have struck her at some point if he was in that mood but distracting a driver not only puts him/her and their passengers in danger but also other road users.

I am 100% against DV but am also 100% for road safety. It doesn't have to be either or.

[Baconyum]

some parts were quoted from posts that didn't victim blameon the whole, just criticised what the OP had done

Its still victim blaming.

You don't have to say that she had it coming in order to victim blame. Victim blaming isnt just outright saying "it was your fault"

It can be much more subtle than that. Saying to op that she shouldn't have done it = saying IF she HADN'T done x, y wouldn't have happened. Ergo, you are blaming the victim for being the cause of the assault.

[Jan45]

I am sure at some point in my life, possibly as a child I have distracted someone driving - did I receive a punch - nope, never!

OP, by all means give it a go but the fact he reacted like that says a lot of what he thinks of you, I hope he can change his attitude towards you, no matter how many times you might fricken annoy him!

[SleeplessRageMonster]

Oh I'm sorry bacon, you're right, no one should be allowed to be shocked at the acceptance of violence, my apolgies for my being utterly gobsmacked and therefore "bullying" the op.

[grannytomine]

Jan45 no one has said it was right to punch her. Pointing out that playing about with hats and distracting the driver is just stating the truth. By the way the driver shouldn't have asked her to take the wheel either, very dangerous thing to do. The mother was hit, not acceptable. The children were put in danger more than once, not acceptable. Just to make it clear I am not saying she provoked him I am saying it was dangerous. If you don't agree ask a policeman.

[Lweji]

Didn't we have this discussion earlier on?

[Baconyum]

Yes lweji but people don't always rtft

[grannytomine]

And some people disagree, it happens on an open forum, people express their opinions. I said earlier I was in a car with a couple behaving like this and it is bloody frightening. It is fine to sympathise with the OP, and I do, but that doesn't mean I can't sympathise with the kids as well.