husband hit me in the face

[Kitkatabc123]

I have come on here tonight as I feel so depressed and alone at the moment. I have been with my husband 7 years and we have 2 beautiful children. We only got married last year and have just set up a buissiness which is going well. We have never been a very romantic, touchy feeley couple. But it has recently it got to the the point where I couldnt even put my arm around him without him telling me I was annoying him!
And communication has been very poor between us. However put this down as normal stresses and thought that all marriges have their ups and downs.
Anyway we were going out for the day on Saturday and i was in a great mood. He was his usual quiet self in the car (he was driving). I was singing along to the radio and to him and trying to get his attention. I playfully undid the back of his cap as a joke. He told me to take the wheel. he looked frustrated as he did the back of his cap up. As he took the wheel back I said aww sorry babe, and went to stroke his face, and as I did he punched me in the face. He told me to fuck off and that I knew he was in a bad mood and was winding him up. We hadn't even argued!! And the worst part was that out kids were in the back. I was initially in shock but when he started blaming me i screamed at him and shouted that I didn't want to be with him anymore then stopped talking to him. He soon calmed down and started apologising but i wouldnt talk to him. We continued out day out for the children's sake. When we got home he cried and told me he had had a stressful week (which he had) with work and that he just 'reacted'. I felt sorry for him and told him that things will have to change and he agreed. Since then he has been very attentive and is really trying but reality has sunk in now. I don't know what to do it who to talk to about the situation. It's never happened before and I am sure it won't happen again but I am so deeply hurt by it. I need to heal but don't know how. Please help me find a way to move forward.

[Kitkatabc123]

I have just arranged counciling for myself to work out where to go next and get things straightened out in my head. Once the issues have been addressed in person then i will speak to a solicitor. I want to make sure that I can financially survive before I walk out. I'm so scared that this could be the wrong decision... he takes care of all the bills, mortgage... everything. He always has liked that control so I wont have a first clue where to start. I feel like I have no one and I'm frightened what this is going to do to my kids 😢

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

OntheRise gives excellent advice about getting your ducks in a row before you leave. Good luck OP.

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

What Categoric said. If he thinks punching you is justifiable there is a good chance you wouldn't get out alive if your affair came to light. Get out now. No longer wanting to be in a relationship is reason enough. Your happiness matters, and don't underestimate the effect that unhappily married parents have on children and their view of a normal relationship.

[Categoric]

Tell him the truth. You were unhappy before the punching incident, you can't put it behind you, you are even unhappier now and it would be better for both of you to split amicably now. He will probably be relieved as it doesn't sound like he is happy either.

[OnTheRise]

Don't tell him you're leaving.

He's been violent to you before, and now you've decided you're leaving you're in a very vulnerable position. Violence tends to really ramp up at this time.

See a solicitor. You can often get a half-hour consultation free of charge, to find out what you need to do. Pull together all your financial information before you go so you have an idea of where you are, financially.

Collect all the paperwork you need: bank statements, marriage certificate, birth certificate, your passports, etc. and put them in a safe place--perhaps with a trusted friend who you KNOW won't tip him off.

Work out what you're going to do with regard to where you live. If your current home is rented it shouldn't be too complicated for you to move out. If possible, find somewhere else to live and move out when you know he won't be home for several hours, so you can get clear before he finds out.

Be really careful. Organise all you can before telling him. Do it soon.

[Kitkatabc123]

Yes actually I agree. It's just at the moment I feel like I put on a massive front to him and the world that everything is fine. What do u even say when I leave? How do I leave without an explaination?

[inkydinky]

I'm all for honesty but since stroking his face resulted in him punching you I wouldn't like to hazard a guess at what his reaction would be if you told him of an affair. In your shoes I would be leaving him without telling him if the affair. Keep yourself and your children safe.

[Kitkatabc123]

It was just a relief to actually write this out and get somebody to hear it. I hope I am brave enough to tell my husband all of this. I just don't know where to start. In a way now I hope he finds out about the affair. I want it to end. I'm exhausted. But at the same time I need to be smart, if i just came out and told him I had an affair I'm not sure how he would respond.

[Kitkatabc123]

Thank you so much ❤

[thestamp]

Oh my what a harrowing thread.

OP, I'm glad you're looking for a different job.

It's really important that you remove yourself from this marriage. I do want to say - you'll experience setbacks when you leave - but you know what - that is OK. Its OK not to have a perfect life, not to follow the script and have the nice house and so on.

Love, peace and respect are MUCH, MUCH more important than the business, the house, any of that.

Having an affair is a way to keep the "nice" parts of your life, while still addressing the gaping wound that comes from knowing your dh doesn't love or respect you. But it's not a real solution. In fact, living a double life just makes the pain worse over time.

I hope you can find the courage and strength to leave x

[Bluntness100]

Then leave now op. How much more pain do you all need to take before one of you ends it?

[wizzler]

So sorry you feel like this.
I am sure someone with practical advice will come on soon to help.
I suggest you mentally run through the various options you could consider, and then think about the implications of each
Hope it all works out for you

[Kitkatabc123]

Thanks for your support.

[IrritatedUser1960]

You think it's going to be the last, don't be a fool. every battered wife thinks it's going to be the last time, I did even after the 100th time.
It will never be the last time until you leave and for Gods sake in front of the children!!!
Do I punch my boss in the face every time she irritates me, how about the kids, do you punch them when they are naughty, or how about the next person who cuts you up in the car? Of course not because that is common assault and would land you in front of a judge. Please tell me how this is any different.

[Kitkatabc123]

UPDATE I WISH I HAD LEFT.... I feel so sad posting this but i need to clear my head. Like I said previously in thread I decided to forgive my husband for what he had done but i could never forget. He has never been violent or hit me since but I am have become very bitter and angry from it.. i lost respect for him.

I hate to admit this and I feel so ashamed but I ended up having an affair. I felt it coming for a while even though i tried to stay positive and put energy into our marriage i knew something was missing and I couldn't deny it. The other man is a good guy, he didn't know I am married and I have only recently cut it off with him.. To begin with it was great and I just thought I would have a fling and get it out my system but the more I got to know him the more I wanted off him and the more needy I became. I could tell he wasn't feeling it so I ended it... when I did I secretly hoped he would text or try to call and tell me he wanted me but he hasn't. I thought once i had sex with someone else It would fill the gap missing in our marriage. But I want more than sex i want someone to really want me desperately in every way. It hurts that the other man didn't want me enough. I know I am in the wrong for this and i am not looking for sympathy, i just want to explain how i feel. I know the problem is me. I feel so lost and alone even though I am surrounded by family and friends... I
Sometimes I just feel numb and that's when it scares me. Because at times I don't care about anything. I am sure this all sounds very selfish and people will be telling me i should of done something sooner but guess what... it's not that easy.. we own a house, buissiness and everything together so where do i even begin? It just feels like we are friends living together now though. I am currently looking for a new career as I know things will finally come to end i just don't know how... I'm not sure if i will be happier or even more sad in the long run if i leave. I would loose alot of people in my life of I did.... Sometimes I look at myself and the mirror and I don't even recognise myself. I don't know what path to choose or where to turn now

[grannytomine]

And some people disagree, it happens on an open forum, people express their opinions. I said earlier I was in a car with a couple behaving like this and it is bloody frightening. It is fine to sympathise with the OP, and I do, but that doesn't mean I can't sympathise with the kids as well.

[Baconyum]

Yes lweji but people don't always rtft

[Lweji]

Didn't we have this discussion earlier on?

[grannytomine]

Jan45 no one has said it was right to punch her. Pointing out that playing about with hats and distracting the driver is just stating the truth. By the way the driver shouldn't have asked her to take the wheel either, very dangerous thing to do. The mother was hit, not acceptable. The children were put in danger more than once, not acceptable. Just to make it clear I am not saying she provoked him I am saying it was dangerous. If you don't agree ask a policeman.

[SleeplessRageMonster]

Oh I'm sorry bacon, you're right, no one should be allowed to be shocked at the acceptance of violence, my apolgies for my being utterly gobsmacked and therefore "bullying" the op.

[Jan45]

I am sure at some point in my life, possibly as a child I have distracted someone driving - did I receive a punch - nope, never!

OP, by all means give it a go but the fact he reacted like that says a lot of what he thinks of you, I hope he can change his attitude towards you, no matter how many times you might fricken annoy him!

[Baconyum]

some parts were quoted from posts that didn't victim blameon the whole, just criticised what the OP had done

Its still victim blaming.

You don't have to say that she had it coming in order to victim blame. Victim blaming isnt just outright saying "it was your fault"

It can be much more subtle than that. Saying to op that she shouldn't have done it = saying IF she HADN'T done x, y wouldn't have happened. Ergo, you are blaming the victim for being the cause of the assault.

[grannytomine]

Baconyum, no its being honest. Messing about with people who are driving is dangerous and I would be annoyed and I am a laid back sort of person. Like I said doesn't excuse his behaviour and doesn't mean he wouldn't have struck her at some point if he was in that mood but distracting a driver not only puts him/her and their passengers in danger but also other road users.

I am 100% against DV but am also 100% for road safety. It doesn't have to be either or.

[grannytomine]

Stormtreader I know a couple just like the one you describe and one day I was in their car when an incident happened, it was actually the wife who got violent and punched him while he was driving. I have never been so scared in my life and their little girl was hysterical.

[Baconyum]

Granny as has been repeatedly discussed on the thread that's victim blaming a victim of dv.