husband hit me in the face

[Kitkatabc123]

I have come on here tonight as I feel so depressed and alone at the moment. I have been with my husband 7 years and we have 2 beautiful children. We only got married last year and have just set up a buissiness which is going well. We have never been a very romantic, touchy feeley couple. But it has recently it got to the the point where I couldnt even put my arm around him without him telling me I was annoying him!
And communication has been very poor between us. However put this down as normal stresses and thought that all marriges have their ups and downs.
Anyway we were going out for the day on Saturday and i was in a great mood. He was his usual quiet self in the car (he was driving). I was singing along to the radio and to him and trying to get his attention. I playfully undid the back of his cap as a joke. He told me to take the wheel. he looked frustrated as he did the back of his cap up. As he took the wheel back I said aww sorry babe, and went to stroke his face, and as I did he punched me in the face. He told me to fuck off and that I knew he was in a bad mood and was winding him up. We hadn't even argued!! And the worst part was that out kids were in the back. I was initially in shock but when he started blaming me i screamed at him and shouted that I didn't want to be with him anymore then stopped talking to him. He soon calmed down and started apologising but i wouldnt talk to him. We continued out day out for the children's sake. When we got home he cried and told me he had had a stressful week (which he had) with work and that he just 'reacted'. I felt sorry for him and told him that things will have to change and he agreed. Since then he has been very attentive and is really trying but reality has sunk in now. I don't know what to do it who to talk to about the situation. It's never happened before and I am sure it won't happen again but I am so deeply hurt by it. I need to heal but don't know how. Please help me find a way to move forward.

[PeppermintPasty]

Me too Atenco. And I reported my shithead ex for hitting me the first time. He went through the system, got community service (meh) and months later, when I had agreed to give it another go (more fool me) after his 'counselling', he pushed me up against the kitchen wall during a verbal argument and tried to strangle me.

Ignore whatever you did in the lead up to the punch, it is totally bloody irrelevant. He is a violent piece of crap and he will do it again.

[Dragongirl10]

Op I am so sorry for you, because you know this is unforgiveable and you have no choice but to leave him.

What must your children think to see daddy punch mummy and then everything continues as normal.......I am truly sorr,y but you should have picked up your dcs got in a cab, gone home without a word packed a bag and left. There is simply no other choice.

Nothing will ever be the same and you cannot let your dcs think this is fine.

It is unspeakably horrible to face, but he has destroyed your family and you cannot change it it is done.

I wish you much strength and support.

[timelytess]

Obviously you leave him, now, forever.
And don't be such a prat when people are driving.

[BeauGlacons]

On another thread in Radio Addicts the vast majority are willing a woman to be found not guilty for stabbing her husband three times, leaving him fighting for his life, because she was provoked and was being controlled.

There are three sides to every story. His side, her side and the truth. I don't condone violence in any form, by any sex to any sex but none of us know all the facts.

It was wrong of him to hit her. That is not negotiable.

[Baconyum]

Beauglacons sorry but I do think battered spouse syndrome is a perfectly legitimate defence.

46% of female prisoners were victims of domestic violence.

Women who retaliate against domestic violence are more likely to go to prison than a man defending himself in a pub brawl.

[Atenco]

On another thread in Radio Addicts the vast majority are willing a woman to be found not guilty for stabbing her husband three times, leaving him fighting for his life, because she was provoked and was being controlled

But absolutely no-one is saying that that couple should stay together

[Adnerb95]

No one is saying that this couple should stay together either. Just that there may be some further facts to be considered and options to be looked at.

[BeauGlacons]

She wasn't being physically battered though it was all emotional except for one slap.

Hitting I reprehensible but I can imagine how someone singing stupidly and immaturely and fiddling similarly with my clothes would have made me feel and I don't think it would have been calm and loving. Equally the driver taking his hands off the wheel without stopping wasn't smart either.

The pair if them don't sound mature enough to have a family but it doesn't sound as though there was any premeditation about what was done.

[PalaceResident]

Your relationship sounds quite toxic. Why you were winding him up like this I don't know either. Obviously the punch is completely inexcusable but if someone was singing in my face then undid something I was wearing whilst I was in a bad mood and driving if feel really really irritated and tbh might feel like (though wouldn't actually) punching something/someone

[PalaceResident]

Just read yours Beau I agree with you, though I think you've expressed it better than I did!!

[Lweji]

Just that there may be some further facts to be considered and options to be looked at.
And those are?

Btw, does it matter if it's premeditated or not? The sudden reaction only means that the OP can be hit at any time with no warning.

The fact remains that he thought it was ok to punch the op. And didn't even apologise until the evening. And when he did he blamed her. That's enough for me to say he's not someone the OP should stay with. For her safety and for the sake of the children.

[BeauGlacons]

I agree with you Lweji. My DH has never hit me but he has great difficulty saying sorry and I sort of get that, some people just don't. He wouldn't have hit me if I'd been doing what the OP was doing but he would have left me, he just wouldn't have been able to stand that sort of behaviour.

[Adnerb95]

and those are

Well, precisely. We don't know.

[Lweji]

What other facts do you need beyond he punched the OP, while driving, in front of the children?
What alternative avenues do you suggest?

Or maybe pps should just shrug and tell the OP they have no advice because there might be facts and avenues that nobody knows about?

[Atenco]

IMHO, the only issue is whether it is safe or a good idea for OP and the children to stay with this man. And I'm sorry, OP, I don't think it is.

[Adnerb95]

By the same logic, we should be arguing that Helen (Archers) should be taken down to her cell for a long term prison sentence this minute, without further ado. Forget due process, forget hearing both sides.

[findingmyfeet12]

I agree with adnerb

The op would be justified in leaving but I don't think it's the only option in all circumstances.

[mushforbrain]

Reading this whole thread has made me feel pretty nauseous. Poor OP and her poor poor DCs in an absolutely terrifying situation, and then the responses concentrating on OPs behaviour in the car, ooh must make sure that we give her a lecture on car safety, must make sure she's aware she's partly responsible for being PUNCHED in the face. MissDallas your husband is a joke and so are you if you think punching a passenger (never mind your loved one) is counted as safety in the car. OP I appreciate this is a horrible awful realisation for you, but just keep thinking of your DCs and get him out. Or leave. Whatever you can't be near him anymore.

[Lemonblast]

Your marriage sounds toxic, your children are being abused ( yes witnessing domestic abuse IS abusive)
You need to leave. Violence is never acceptable from a man or a woman.

[Waltermittythesequel]

He said, "if you were carrying on and trying to distract me like that when I was driving with our precious children in the car, I would [something violent] you."

Well then your husband is an animal. Congratulations.

OP as others have said; last week you would never have thought he'd hit you.

If he gets away with this, he will do it again.

Why hasn't he punched anyone else in the face, if he's stressed and can't control it?

What happens when the children upset him?

As an aside; you do NOT have a good family unit. Even excluding the punch, your behavior is odd in the sense that it seems bizarre to have to behave that way to get attention or notice...

Why I'm bringing that up is; before you fall over yourself to make excuses for him, this could very well be (and sounds like) something not worth saving.

[memyselfandaye]

The Archers? Wtf? A ridiculous radio soap versus a woman being punched in the face in front of her face?

Never have I seen so many people on a thread make excuses for the fucking specimen that punced the mother of his children in front of them.

Adnerb How would you feel if it was your daughter? If punching isn't a reason to kick him out what is? Kicking, biting, choking rape?

[memyselfandaye]

In front of her children, not face

[Glittershoes22]

I'm so sorry you are going through this but I would not take all the "leave him immediately" comments to heart. It's all very well to give that advice when in a safe and secure relationship but truthfully no one can judge the inner workings and dynamics of a relationship.

It's an awful thing to happen to you but I would seek advice from a qualified professional/helpline and put up a back up plan in place. Give your other half a chance and say if it happens again you are gone. I truly believe in protecting yourself and your children but given the circumstances if he is truly sorry this will never happen again. If it does then hopefully you will have a plan in place to move safely on. Good luck to you and I hope there is someone close to you that you can confide in xx

[iminshock]

" you have no choice but to leave him"
Mumsnet at its knee jerk worst.
What utter bollocks.

You have many choices. Good luck making the right one x

[iminshock]

as for noone has ever hit someone once, apologised , and never did it again.
More Mumsnet bollocks.
I know someone who did that.

Me . 30 or so years ago. Never happened before or since and never will.