Will keep is as short as poss.
I posted here and got help to leave very financially and EA exP about 4 yrs ago.
I have 2 small Ds.
I returned from another country to get clear, exP followed and now sees DC regularly tho we live different cities.
I formed new relationship with old flame. All lovely, caring man, reader I married him 3 months ago.
He drinks too much. Not benders but too much wine a couple or 3 times a week.
Says he wants change. I said before we married I didn't want this as role model, DH modified behaviour. Says he does struggle but will adapt. I was always clear about this, said I'd be his GF if he didn't want to change lifestyle.
Anyway, we row about his drinking reasonably frequently. He can be dismissive and inconsiderate when drinking. I am (bcos of previous EA) trying to be reasonable, keep talking, accept no-one is perfect. Or, in fact, is this just the eggshells again?
Anyway cumulative arguing and another last week. DH acts normal all week, I struggle to do so cos fed up with it all so am quiet/grumpy.
My question relates to last night - I broached it, bcos he never does, we tried to talk.
He said I am an arsehole and do martyrdom. Seemed at pains to point out that I am an arsehole when sober, even if he can be when drunk.
He said I had not responded to his "acting normal" through the week. I was angry/sad, and terribly sleep deprived. Last night asked "were you like this with ex-partner?" and said that some of the fault with the abusive relationship must be mine.
I would like to just get objective opinions, as these latest things feel like dealbreakers to me. I can see the possibilities that terrible experience (20 Yrs) with ex-partner have clouded my judgement and I don't really know what to think.
We have had a normal day with DC & when they went to sleep I broached it calmly, he refused to discuss.
It's not okay what he said and then to refuse to discuss is it? Is it?
Since we married it's all been worse. I feel like a cliché and a massive idiot.
The DC adore him and he them.