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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've met someone and want to ask him out

949 replies

ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 22:30

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting! Smile

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely? Grin

OP posts:
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ProfessorPickles · 07/05/2016 16:48

I met up with a friend from uni this morning (she's in the year above on the same course) and I told her about him and told her some of the things he has said to me. She was gobsmacked and excited, she said he'll definitely say yes Smile I know that isn't exactly guaranteed but it gave me a confidence boost to just go for it!

She's going to help me if I get nervous around the time Grin

OP posts:
AnotherPrickInTheWall · 07/05/2016 18:40

Please OP. don't let this opportunity pas you by.
If he say's " sorry but I'm with someone" or whatever, you can deal with that.; you don't ever have to see him again.
It's the not knowing will tear you to shreds if you dwell on it.
You don't have anything to lose but everything to win.
A " no" means you can move on and a "yes" is self explanatory.
He might not be the man of your dreams but unless you bite the bullet and make a move you will never know will you?

ProfessorPickles · 07/05/2016 19:28

You're spot on, I'm all on board at the minute whatever the outcome. I just wish I could get it over with! Smile

OP posts:
MagicMoonstone · 10/05/2016 06:38

Have you said anything to him yet? Smile

WhatchaMaCalllit · 10/05/2016 13:38

Professor - the bit in the card in relation to going for drinks, how would this sound to you
"I'd really like to thank you for all your help over the years by buying you a drink. Let me know when you would like to meet up. My number is 123456789876" maybe???

WeeTinyMe · 11/05/2016 22:21

I like what whatcha has suggested.

When do you officially leave?

LovePGtipsMonkey · 12/05/2016 00:20

hmm, a bit manipulative assuming he wants to meet up, or making him feel as if he's not nice refusing a thank you drink - I'd stick to 'would be nice to meet up for a drink some time'. But OP knows him better, what sort of personality is he. If you get the impression he likes a direct approach, then better not be 'playing ' him a bit even though for a good purpose. It's a bit coy to mask wanting a date by telling him it's only a 'thank you' drink. But OP, your choice, just listen to your instincts and to what's your comfort zone.

AllChangeLife · 12/05/2016 00:43

Am far too invested in this now... I really need you to finish your course Smile

Can you try to direct the conversation a bit... "you must be looking forward to the end of the uni year when it all calms down a bit. Any holidays planned...? Ahhh, brilliant, who are you going with?"

MagicMoonstone · 12/05/2016 06:54

I hope she comes back to update us Cake

I think I'd just perhaps put in the card 'if you'd like to stay in touch after the course, I'd very much like that. My number is 123497655'

ProfessorPickles · 12/05/2016 12:55

I'm still lingering about, I haven't seen him as much lately and I'm starting to wonder what on earth I'm doing! I'm hoping to see him today Smile

I don't think it would be appropriate to be so upfront by saying "let me know when you'd like to meet up" as he might not want to at all. So something like "let me know if you'd like to go for a drink sometime" would be more appropriate and gives him more of a choice.

5 weeks to go... Shock

OP posts:
ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 13:40

Hello dear ProfessorPickles! I've reached a little more clarity, I think. I was getting fed up with so much of my head space being filled up with 'what-ifs' about a young man I hardly even knew. Those weeks of waiting and not knowing were beginning to drive me a little bonkers. I've posted about it here on TrafficJunkie's thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2619509-So-can-I-ask-my-electrician-for-his-phone-number?pg=12

If you have a moment.... Wink

ProfessorPickles · 12/05/2016 15:30

I've just had a read ThisIs, what a shame! Are you completely not interested now? Did being closer to him put you off?
Will he still be coming round to sort the car one day do you think?
I get what you mean about the head space though!

I've just been to see the teacher and he was looking rather lovely. I've had loads of compliments about what I'm wearing today so I was feeling good, and then someone said how stunning I look while he was listening and it made me happy haha.
I did a little bit of "have you missed me?" (Terrible I know) and what not, and there felt like a bit of a lingering 'tension' maybe and lots of smiling.
Doesn't mean it isn't all in my head but I was grinning from ear to ear walking up the corridor. I only wish I could catch him at a time when he isn't busy so we could chat but he's always bloody busy!! That's the time of year though I'm afraid.

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 16:15

It all sounds really exciting ProfessorPickles good on you. Yay!

No, being with him did not put me off. Quite the contrary. I just like things to be clear and I think, despite the obvious attraction thingy going on (is undressing in front of me a come on, or what?) he hasn't got over his longterm girlfriend splitting up with him and I think that will be an obstacle indeed.

ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 16:16

And yes, he's still coming round to get the car Tuesday morning...with his boss. But now I've shared a few drinks with him things should be more relaxed! Wink

ProfessorPickles · 12/05/2016 18:37

I forgot about the not being over his ex part, I was too distracted by the dog clearly Grin (I love a man with a dog).
That's good you're feeling a bit more relaxed about it all though, it's awful when it starts to take up your head space. I wonder if men do this too? I imagine they do.
Shame his boss is coming along!!

I'm thinking a simple "let me know if you'd like to go for a drink" will suffice for the card Smile

OP posts:
ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 18:41

Actually, ProfessorPickles I'm getting some feedback on the other thread from a few lovely people who think it all sounded really creepy; last night, I mean. I'm curious to know what you think...

ProfessorPickles · 12/05/2016 19:00

I'd say it's maybe a little creepy from the boss as I imagine he's the one that invited you stay for a drink? It is all a bit strange!

It's nice that the mechanic drove you home but it feels a little odd that someone was having to follow too. How was he towards you? I suppose only you know if he was behaving a bit creepy?
I don't know what to think if I'm honest!

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 19:12

Thanks ProfessorPickles! The mechanic, who drove me home in my car, was followed by the other guy as he had to drive him back to the garage so that he could pick up his motorbike from the garage before the boss closed up.

To be honest I really thought they were kind and respectful towards me. No one forced me to drink but then, I can see now how it might look from the outside. And it's always good to be warned that a situation might not be what it seems by those more lucid than myself.

It's a tad unsettling but perhaps makes it easier for me to let go.

ProfessorPickles · 12/05/2016 19:19

If everyone was kind and respectful then I don't see why it was creepy at all! It sounds quite nice I think.
If you felt comfortable and have no bad feelings towards him (other than maybe not over his ex) then I'd say don't completely write him off just see how it goes Smile

OP posts:
ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 19:28

Thank you again ProfessorPickles. Poor guy cannot really help being sad about being left by his girlfriend.

I might have more of a bone of contention regarding the fact that when his mother telephones him (three times in the evening) he comes running. Grin

I must stress that, unlike you, he and I were never going to be a longterm thing. It really might be better if we just keep things simple and platonic. I'm not wanting to look for another mechanic, after all.

I bet you are feeling all hopeful and happy! Smile

LovePGtipsMonkey · 12/05/2016 19:29

great update from today, Prof! I have a good feeling about this, and have done for a while. Glad you agree with my card suggestion - not too presumptious and to him would feel like no pressure. Lots of smiling is the best sign - and even fate is helping by someone saying you are stunning while he's listening. What was his response to 'did you miss me?' - more smiling?
5 weeks though - such a drag, but the good thing is, you can build up the tension during that ha, so then the outcome will be more certain/quick, he should be then snapping your invite!

ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 19:31

Wouldn't it just be wonderful if you could have the opportunity to talk with him, Prof?

ProfessorPickles · 12/05/2016 19:47

Thanks PG! I was so happy afterwards, I'd like to think I wouldn't get that reaction if it was just one sided?!
He handed me something and there was a lingering where we were both holding it and smiling at each other---- Blush
When I asked if he missed me he smiled and said "yes, terribly!" And I said "I thought you might have", is that bad?? Grin

I wish we could just get 15 minutes alone! We talk so differently when others aren't around. I definitely feel like we talk so differently to how I do with other teachers.

Actually, running to answer his mums phone calls all evening seems a little bit odd and excessive! That would get annoying quick, although it may have been a three one off? (Trying to be optimistic Grin)

OP posts:
ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 19:54

I'm too busy being optimistic for you Prof! Grin

ThisIsTheRightTime · 12/05/2016 19:56

Although he didn't answer a single message TBH, Prof. Just mentioned she'd left one. Three time. [shocked]