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Original poster

I've met someone and want to ask him out

949 replies

ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 22:30

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting! Smile

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely? Grin

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Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 02/05/2016 20:34

That's great Wee! I think that set up was more risky than mine with him being your sons coach, you would have had to still see him if it had gone bad. At least I can run away and never see him again if it doesn't go well Grin
I'm pleased things worked out well for you! I bet you're so glad you just went ahead with it and asked him, it's worth a chance isn't it if you've met someone you're really interested in.
It's nice to know you weren't sure if he liked you too because it keeps putting me off asking him because I'm not sure, but clearly it was worth it for you!

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Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 03/05/2016 11:11

Feeling disheartened today, not sure if it's a good idea anymore! Boo hoo.

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Granville72 · 03/05/2016 12:01

You have nothing to lose by asking, and a whole lot to gain if it works out.

Oddsocksgalore · 03/05/2016 12:02

Do it!!

ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/05/2016 13:13

Are you allowing your negative inner voice to tarnish what might be today ProfessorPickles? Have you seen him recently?

Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 03/05/2016 13:37

Yep, I most definitely am ThisIs! I keep thinking negative things all the time. Just being silly aren't I.
I'm still feeling like I should do it but I'm not feeling confident about it anymore. I'm sulking like a child BlushGrin

I saw him this morning and he was busy so I didn't get chance to talk to him much!

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/05/2016 13:45

I'm in pretty much the same state of mind and berating myself for it, ProfessorPickles. I go from being absolutely convinced there's something there to thinking I'm a complete fool. I find this happens a lot during the stretches of time when I have no interaction with him.

The voice of caution has a stronger hold over me than the other. And yet, surely life is about taking risks and having a little fun from time to time?

Thethingswedoforlove · 03/05/2016 14:06

The thing is that you will just never know unless you ask. And after you have left you have nothing whatsoever to lose. And when he is busy it doesn't mean he isn't interested!

ThisIsTheRightTime · 03/05/2016 14:17

"And when he is busy it doesn't mean he isn't interested!"

Ahh, Thethingswedoforlove has made a very good point there ProfessorPickles! I stupidly assume that in my case this guy, who is very busy, is probably not thinking about anything else but his job. I'm just hoping that if he was brave enough a few weeks back to show his interest he hasn't forgotten about me yet. I just wasn't ready then.

Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 03/05/2016 15:13

You're both spot on, I feel daft for being so silly. He did say a few things today that showed he likes me as a human being at least, even if he isn't attracted to me.

I feel a bit like old insecurities are coming back because I'm putting myself at risk of rejection. I've had a couple of bad relationships and they both really knocked my confidence.

I'm not going to be seeing him much now until I leave which isn't going to help, but I will call in every other week to say hello etc. Smile

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LovePGtipsMonkey · 04/05/2016 01:52

oh so you did speak today! AND he said some complimentary things (I wonder what, but no need to spill all if you don't want to, OP) despite being busy! why loss of confidence then - he didn't flirt? but he couldn't if busy and people around or stressed). He didn't have to say anything nice, he could have been business-like - so we are still in with a good chance, ha!

Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 04/05/2016 08:58

I won't say what he said because I feel like it could be something of nothing Grin
He didn't flirt but was busy, so that's no problem. But I think I'm just being daft and feeling like he's too good for me and I'm going to embarrass myself.

I'm going to try call in to see him one day around dinner time next week because it should be quieter then!

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Thethingswedoforlove · 04/05/2016 20:41

Sounds like a great pan pickles. Remember that there really is nothing to lose once you have moved on and completely everything to gain. We won't let you chicken out when the time comes!!!

LovePGtipsMonkey · 04/05/2016 20:53

well you woudn't really feel the embarassment much if he doesn't reject you directly. Disappointment maybe - but how else do you take your chances in life? you just have to be brave sometimes, I think people actually appreciate/admire the initiative even if they are not in a position to respond.
If you think about it, there is nothing bad or embarassing about asking someone out, people perceive it as confidence (unless it's a completely unlike case, like when you are too different in age or he's some celeb or whatever - which could be seen as totally unrealstic, but otherwise most would be flattered as you virtually tell them they are desirable).

Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 04/05/2016 21:12

He will take it as a compliment at least won't he even if he isn't interested.

Any idea of what to put in the card?

I was going to put

"To TeacherMan,

Thank you for your help with XYZ

From Pickles

012345678

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Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 04/05/2016 21:19

"Let me know if you'd like to go for a drink some time?" - is that ok? It doesn't sound quite right maybe..

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LovePGtipsMonkey · 04/05/2016 21:32

'Would be good/nice to meet up for a drink sometime!' or just 'My number.. - if you'd like to stay in touch!', but maybe others suggest a more 'fun' message. It will work if he is interested, whatever you put tbh.

Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 04/05/2016 21:46

I'm terrible with words Grin
I want it to definitely sound like I'm interested and not just being friendly so it's clear.

I think your first one might do the job! Smile

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AnotherPrickInTheWall · 05/05/2016 20:25

Don't miss this chance. I did once and I bitterly regret it to this day.
Just initiate conversation and casually ask if he is married. If you look him up on 192 you will see if he lives with anyone.
192 any other names as other people might have lived at that address in the past.
In a few days he will be out of your life forever..if he's married , hooked up or gay you will have nothing at all to lose.

Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 05/05/2016 20:54

I'm sorry to hear that Another, how long ago was it? I think I would regret it too if I didn't even give it a try.

I'm nervous but kind of looking forward to the response at the minute!

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AnotherPrickInTheWall · 05/05/2016 21:11

About three years ago. I see him occasionally when I'm driving. He's left his old job and no idea where he lives now.
There was a mutual thingy.

ThisIsTheRightTime · 05/05/2016 21:53

Another , sorry to barge in but can I ask you how you missed your opportunity? When did it become no longer possible for something to happen?

Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 05/05/2016 22:20

He must have been important to you to be still having deep regrets after three years, is there no chance anything could happen now? Could you get in touch?

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wasninah · 05/05/2016 22:47

re lost opportunities - I met someone ages ago. We kissed at NYE party (he was dressed as a chicken, it was that kind of do). Then ... nothing. He moved to my local area, and his ds started school with my dc. I used to see him at the school gate but I was absolutely too shy to talk and used to ignore the poor chap. Eventually he babysat for a friends dc when mine were there and we ALMOST got around to exchanging phone numbers. There didn't seem too much urgency. A few months later he died, suddenly, and it turned out he'd told his sister all about me. I suppose the moral of this story should be carpe diem, but in all honesty I don't think we were all that suited. Will never know now!

Original poster
ProfessorPickles · 06/05/2016 22:22

Although you think you may not have been suited Was, I think there's something lovely about him telling his sister all about you. I know men aren't all the same, but my brother for example wouldn't dream of telling me about someone he'd met and was interested in.
It's a shame you never got chance to find out if you were compatible

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