Brave Babes Battle Bus is Racing Along.....

[venusandmars]

Our lovely mouseface usually starts these threads but I've just noticed that the previous one is almost full, so I'm facing technology and get the next one set up.

Anyone, absolutely anyone, who feels they have a problem with drink is welcome here. Whether you're trying to stop, or cut down a little, whether you've been sober for years, or even if you're too scared even to contemplate what is happening. If you think it will help you to post, or lurk, then please do.

There's often a lot of nonsense and banter, but lots of good sound advice.

And there is always lots of support and care and no judgement.

This is the link to the previous thread, if you want to read what's been going on so far The Previous Thread

And this is the link to JesusWhatNext 's original thread started 6 years ago The Original Thread

halle - can you take some deep breaths and have a think about things.

Just because they are having a liquid lunch doesn't mean you have to. Take the car so you have to drive. Go and meet them and hug them and make contact, but then leave after they've had one drink and you've had a glass of orange. There are many reasons why you might not be able to join in with the drinking - certain types of antibiotics, being pregnant, having a raging hangover.

I wonder when you think back to being pregnant (and being AF during that) - how would you have responded to the same invitation? Would you have declined because you couldn't drink, or would you have gone and not had a drink. Your 4 days AF is as precious as any gestating baby and deserves you to care for it with the same love and respect.

It does sound like you are in a very risky place to consider having a liquid lunch - whether you go and don't drink at all, or whether you decline the offer, please don't get hammered.

What about the girl Who is going to OZ that I might never see again

Someone who you haven't seen since you were 16 and will probably never see again? Maybe send a facebook request and keep in touch through photos and messages but don't risk your sobriety for her.

and what Id some of the girls turn on me for bowing out?

Then they are not friends and not the sort of people you need in your life x

If I was pregnant Id go and not drink. I think it's just that ive lost a lot of confidence over the last few months so I wouldn't be able to cope in that type of social situation without drink. Im so mad this has been sprung on me last minute because I have been so organised in making plans that don't involve alcohol for the next few weekends at least and now this has been sprung last minute. I think im going to have to accept that whether or not I have an "illness"
Or not (not sure what i believe in that respect like if having a drink problem is an illness) but either way, I don't feel mentally strong enough to go anyway and I swear the thought of being drunk scares the shit out of me. I kind of expect to lose some friends when they realise I am sober so maybe tomorrow will show me who is true to me and understanding of my issues. Should I be honest with my closest friends or should I just make out im not well just now? My mind is racing and won't slow down xxx

For now I would just say that you're ill. Don't rush into telling people (especially people who may not have your back) until you are ready.

You don't have to do anything right now, you can easily send a message in the morning and say you've been up all night with d&v or something.

Go to bed now, calm in the knowledge that you've kept yourself safe. Sleep on it and send the text in the morning. You'll be so glad you made this decision, it's the right one for you right now and that's all that matters x

Thanks babes. For all your help and advice. This is alll so new to me. I feel a bit confused about how in starting to feel and I feel like my moods are going up and down all day long. One minute I feel overcome with joy and happiness and strength that I can do this and how good it will feel to not suffer anymore, the next my mind is tying to convince me "I wasn't THAT bad" or "ive met so much worse than me" .... What's wrong with me? Is this all normal??? Xx

Yes it's normal (and will stop). It's your addiction trying to take back control. Don't listen to it. Have a cup of tea and go to bed. You've done another day. How quickly they start to stack up!

Morning my lovelies,

halle how are you feeling today?? Have you made a decision about today?? I know I avoided social situations for at least a month, still do sometimes.

Whatever you decide and however this plays out, you are doing brilliantly, no one can take the last 4 days away from you, you have faced so much fear and walked through it with real courage. Your posts have changed so much in such a short space of time, it's been both frustrating see your pain and lovely to see you emerge from that with hope xxx

Any friends I have have always understood my need to step away sometimes, well they didn't see me for months during the "breakdown" so I guess seeing me happy and content at the occasions I can tolerate is better than wondering if I'm drunk or sober, if I'm gonna make it out if the darkness and be their true friend again.

There's no guidebook for all these day to day challenges but I hope your feeling less stressed about it all today.

Xxx

Hello everyone. Please can I join you?
I'm struggling.
I've tried everything over the years including AA and I thought I had things under control and could drink nomally. It seems that I can't. I had two bottles of wine and another glass last night. I've already had a drink today.
I'm finding this so hard. I don't get any rest and have 2 young pre school children (I'm notlooking after them today)
Worse of all I feel that I am a terrible mother. I know they deserve better than the disaster I am becoming again.
I don't drink ever day but I think about alcohol all of the time. This is so difficult.
I just don't know what to do. I feel so alone

You are not terrbile mother muddle and you are not alone, as this bus full of loons shows. Welcome,and well done on that brave first step

Hey guys, well I pulled a sicky. The whole "so sorry I can't make it, been up and down all night with sick n diarreah and would hate to give it to anyone" ... Said to say bye for me and I already have her as a FACEBOOK friend anyway so I will send her a short mail next week. Tbh, my staying sober is so much more important than this get together. She probably won't even notice im not there. How exciting to
Be moving to OZ. I don't think Id notice much else on the run up to moving to OZ. So it's windy but sunny here. Sitting out the front with baby girl and neighbour just having a chat xxx hope ur All ok x

Welcome muddle. Sorry I missed your post xx are you married? Xx

Afternoon everyone, Halle, you absolutely did the right thing, you need to know you did the right thing for you. You are the most important thing to take care of at the moment. Do that and everything else will fall into place. (((bosie))) Look at baby and how far she has come, belly laughs with her lovely family and everything! That sounds like a good thing to aim for, a good, sober, belly laugh with people who love you.

Hello muddle, how are you m'dear? You are never alone on here, we will click your seatbelt and take you for a hurl round the twisty turny lanes, fill you with tea and tales, and hold your hand. You may feel like you want to get off for a stop or two, you may feel you want to feel the wind blowing through your hair in the sidecar, you may even just want to hide under a quilt on the back seat and have a good cry. But you know what? You are not a bad mam. You are a brave mam.

Today I have been gardening. There is no escape for the hormonal Counter Terrorist. A six foot fence with anti-digging boards had transformed my garden into Canine Alcatraz. I have been digging over my poor borders, a lot of the shrubs were casualties during the building work, so I am preparing for a replant.

She is a quietly determined bitch, my pup. She is Andy Dufresne. Nowt stops her, the massive spiky wild rose bush? Gnashed to a sorry, soggy stump. Eight foot smoke bush? Almost unearthed. Roots and all. Plant pots? No longer a terracotta army. Demolished by any means necessary to a sad parade of walking wounded. I fancy she has a tiny rock hammer stashed somewhere.

She is determined to break out. Unfortunately, due to her curious appetite it will be me crawling through the river of shit to the other side...

ma? how's the General? Does he fancy a stint as a prison officer for a while?

Welcome muddle sorry you're struggling, but you are definitely not alone! I've found the support from everyone here amazing, so hope you do to.

halle well done, that was definitely the right decision.

claret thank you for your lovely post yesterday, I appreciate your support so much. I'm sorry if my wording worried you... I probably shouldn't of posted what I did, for me it's more a marker that things are deteriorating, but I will go back to GP if things get worse. Everyone I could face telling in rl have got massive life events going on, it would feel like burdening them, but I know I need to really.

Went out with work people for a bit last night, didn't drink as I was driving which was surprisingly easy but I think that's because I knew I could drink when I got home. Not managed an AF day for nearly two weeks, today will be one but only as I'm working. Units for this week sitting at 92 according to ap, so if I wasn't working tonight I'd be back into the 100s again easily scary how easy it's been to get back up to that level. I know exactly why I'm drinking so much again, but no idea how to break the pattern so feels a bit like I'm back where I started.

Anyway going to try and grab another hours sleep before work...been in bed all day though with a legitimate excuse which is nice! Not looking forward to work, got a weird kind of slight dizziness/vertigo thing going on which I'm sure is from medication increase...hopefully it will settle or I will look drunk!

Hey wry . I'm sorry but the General already has a very busy and stressful life.

Thank you for your kind messages.
I'm reading. And just had a big cry!
Love to you all and thank you for being so kind
xxxx

Welcome Muddle cry away, there's nothing wrong with that

Wry - sorry but I laughed at your post.

Halley - well done you!

Elba - day 1. You can do this.

Empty and hollow here today with a side of gut-wrenching grief. The Man I Lived So Much is constantly on my mind. I miss who I thought he was - I don't recognise the despicable person wearing his face.

My self-esteem is at an all-time low even though things are so much calmer and the children are happier: his scathing words, his contempt, his stonewalling, blaming, shaming have left me believing that it's all my fault, that I single-handedly destroyed our relationship.

wry hello my fellow 'Donian 😀 how are you doing?

Awe pink sorry to read this. Are you separating over alxohol?? Xx

Musdle ive only been here just over a week and Ive managed 5 AF days already. This place is fantastic. My ultimate goal
Is to abstain completely but this bus is the type of place (unlike AA made me feel) that won't judge you if you still want to have a drink but cut right down xxxx

No, Halle.

Domestic violence.

pink

Focus on the positives my dear, the calm, the happiness of your children, you. Focus on you.

Grieve? You must, you must, you must. (((((bosie)))) Losing the person you loved even when he wears an arsehole for a face is no less real than a death.

Don't swallow his lies and contemptible treatment of you as truth. You are worth so much more than that. One day at a time, our wee mantra, will stand you in good stead. You will soar one day, it might take a wee while but that day will come.

It is not your fault. Truly it's not.

elba wakey wakey, m'dear, hope you had a fine snooze and that work goes well tonight, x

joey awwwwww fit like quine? How've ye been? Doos aye pickin? I am fair scunnert, gotta say. On top of a shitty couple of weeks I ran out of time so picked up a bag o (allegedly all-butter) butteries from a rival baker. Not my beloved Aitkens. That ruddy bypass means that Aitkens gets cleared out of the well fired ones by a platoon of digger drivers quicker than the Haudagain gets clogged in a morning.

Anyhow, the rival butteries... You know the ad If Carling did....? Well strike that and change it to If doll's houses did butteries.... Tiny shiting wee, when I cut it there was zero evidence o butter and the paper bag was dry wi nary a greasy spot on it. I am off tomorrow so will be in early doors to John Street with my anti-digger driver spray, 8 o yer finest crispy anes please. And one for the road hame.

I am sat in my jammies post gardening, floating between the bus and an online puzzle (cheers claret how did I exist before this marvellous invention!) and the Counter Terrorist is oven hovering for roast chicken and parsnips.

There is a cider in the fridge, an elderflower cider, I meant to pick up fizzy elderflower from Marks and didn't. I am very strong at this minute in time and my fingers are mighty busy so I'm hoping it stays that way.

Opening the fridge is a military operation these days, hound also doubles as fridge ninja, all in black, stealthy and silent with quicker responses than a SWAT team. The fridge door only needs to be open a crack, she sniffs, turns her head sideways, thrusts, opens her mouth like a furry crocodile, seeks her target, steals and runs in a nanosecond.

Never goes for salad though. Noooo. Leaves that for me.

ma check him oot! He knows he's onto a good thing. Is he expecting waitress service? He is fabulous! I miss next door's cat like crazy, when I got home in the early hours he would be out on the rake but would always run up to say hi. He dribbled with happy when fussed. Little adored him, and he her. I would love a cat.

joey good to see you my friend.was just thinking about you and some of the other oldies likemouse and indie.
Halle you are doing brilliantly!
Wry good to hear you more upbeat and as funny as ever. The General is a huge softy. Weighed in at the Vet this week at over 6.5kg . That is one big lump of a cat.
Am plodding on through, quite a lot of shit which I cba to write about, all very dull. Am meeting Scottish Government Head of Defence policy on Tuesday, to see if I can screw some money out of them to support my work. Have re-purpled ma thistly heid to make sure they don't forget me!

ma yer thistly heid will see you right my friend. Good luck, oooh take the General! That'll swing it, there's got to be a cat man somewhere in that room. That and yer mighty bosoms will save the day! 6.5kg of cat!! He's a fine figure of a chap, no question! Is that black smudge on his belly his 'on' button?

I am a bit purply heided also at the mo, bought some Bleach London blue shampoo for my brillo coloured pixie and left it on a shade too long. I say purple heided, but it's more bright lilac sideys where it was white. That and blue fingertips. My sister said I remind her of a budgie she used to have. Rude.

Oh ma, hush my rambling blether of a trap. Your intelligence, wit and dynamic personality will win your funding. How very dare I suggest you are all about the boob? That'll be the budgie speaking.

Back to my puzzle...

Hey you lot. Hope all are well. dp is back and to be honest, I am not sure that I like him very much anymore. Got rather drunk last night and tripped down the stairs. Bruised bum. I am a hideous loser.