Brave Babes Battle Bus is Racing Along.....

[venusandmars]

Our lovely mouseface usually starts these threads but I've just noticed that the previous one is almost full, so I'm facing technology and get the next one set up.

Anyone, absolutely anyone, who feels they have a problem with drink is welcome here. Whether you're trying to stop, or cut down a little, whether you've been sober for years, or even if you're too scared even to contemplate what is happening. If you think it will help you to post, or lurk, then please do.

There's often a lot of nonsense and banter, but lots of good sound advice.

And there is always lots of support and care and no judgement.

This is the link to the previous thread, if you want to read what's been going on so far The Previous Thread

And this is the link to JesusWhatNext 's original thread started 6 years ago The Original Thread

2 X 10mg?

Kalms are OK in their place but they're not in the same league as diazepam. What does your husband think about it all? Does he still drink at home? Mine stopped drinking at home but still goes out with his mates after rugby etc.

He isn't a big drinker. Likes to have a few cans when the football is on .... But apart from that he only drinks because I have made plans that involve it and quite often he just has a juice. He is in a high powered job with lots of people under him and he tryin to get a promotion so that is his priority. Lucky he has something to get up for every day. He keeps telling me to take up a hobby but I can't think of anything really. Plus I have bubs and hardly ever get a sitter xxx

hi all - looking hope all is going well with your big contract conclusion, mouse lovely to see you poking your nose in - can we tempt you out again with some cheese? and ma often thinking of you x

I've not been posting much but read always, and nice to see people giving and getting so much support.

halle well done you on making progress Every day without a drink is another little milestone and the most important thing is that you are posting somewhere and starting on the journey towards something better in your life. And yet it is a journey and many of us on here find that in addition to being able to come here and let everything out, we need some other kind of external, real world, professional support somewhere along the way. At the end of the day (although we are well meaning and lovely) we are just a bunch of women on the internet and some of us - maybe all of us - have needs which are bigger or more complex. There are posters with complex legal and marital situations, posters with awful work problems, some people with horrendous health issues, all hand in hand with some kind of drink problem. We can support but we are also only a part of the eventual solution.

I think that in our hearts we are all looking for the kind of unconditional love that we deserved as tiny, vulnerable children (and received to varying degrees). This thread is lovely because in general we are unconditional in our support, so it feels comforting and easy and warm. And yet each of us in our own way needs to make peace with whatever we are looking for, whatever alcohol pretends to give us.

I write all this because I hope that you, halle (and all of us) never give up on looking for the systems and support which really get to the root of our innermost needs, and that we keep an open mind on trying different ways of getting help. I can see that there are people here who have been on a similar journey and who are worried for you. Each of us has our own way of finding help and there is no simple answer. We can just keep on looking.

Really lovely, VenusandMars

Venus, what a beautiful post, I found myself nodding while reading it. You have a fantastic way with words xx

Thankyou Venus that was a really nice post. Im going to lok into smart recovery. I can't do AA so will try smart. Xx

Good on you halle for being willing to look. You could also look for a specialist addictions counsellor who might be able to support you in approaching all of this with your gp. But just keep taking one step at a time, keep steady.

You asked previously about life sober.... omg, it is so much better than existing on the edge of drunkenness and craving.

Like you, I though sober life would be boring and dull. But I look back and see that drinking was boring, that drinking made me miserable and bored and depressed, and that because I was drunk and miserable and depressed then other people found me boring. In all honesty I WAS boring, I thought about drinking all the time.

Now, I have time to listen to other people, to be involved in their lives, to laugh with them or cry with them. I have time to look after myself - to eat well to do things that make me feel good. I now have a couple of activities that I'm involved with, things which I'd not have had time or energy for before. My mood is better and more stable, my anxiety is less and I feel happy. And as a consequence the worry about being bored has gone away.

I hope and pray my experience ends up as good as yours. This is slippery slope time for me so im away for a bath and a magazine. Once im past 8 o clock im fine x it's weird ain't it? Xx oh and yeah I also feel miserable and down when im drinking now. It gives me no pleasure at all. I just need something to fill this hole in my life xx

The biggest difference Halle is that you don't hate yourself for not drinking. You don't wake up and call yourself stupid for repeating the same awful mistakes. You don't ever regret not drinking.

And on the subject of being bored - well what exactly is so interesting about being drunk? It's dull, dull, dull.

I saw this quote the other day and thought that it just about summed up how I felt when I got bored of drinking and suffering the same stupid consequences all the time.

Mouse abso-bloody-lutely fantastic. Well done for putting yourself out there and taking on such a challenge

ma how are things with you?

I absolutely agree with you fair. Revently im dinsinf with every sip I take the lofe just draining right out of me. Im blacking out or to drunk to hold a conversation anyway so I have no idea why on earth I feel like the boring one for not drinking, although to be honest you won't see me on the dance floor anymore lol. Always needed Dutch courage to dance away at a party. Just Aswell we don't go to many parties. It's house drinking I struggle with anyway. It's just standard now to have people round and drink and play games. But I have a goal
In mind now. Instead of investing my cash on booze - im gonna invest it on a new body! That's right, im joining a gym and by this time next year I want to look in the mirror and feel so proud of what ive achieved. No hangovers, no panic attacks (well I still an anxious person but alcohol makes me worse). No more stupid decisions made through drink. No more messing tho ha up with my kids and my husband and embarrassing them. I really look forward to being where a lot of you seen to be now. Day 3 nearly done and dusted xxx

Evening babes, how is everyone? i averted from drinking today only by shoving copious amounts of chocolate down my neck. Not ideal but hey.

Hope everyone is ok. elba? lala? Not heard from either of you in a few days.

Made it past my vulnerable time. Defo won't touch a drop now Cuppa tea and some choc biscuits in bed for me xxx

Yeah was thinkin the same not lala and Elba, hope ur both ok xxx

Well done halle! I'm in bed too, night night

Hey claret chocolate is far better for you than drinking so allow yourself whatever you need and there are similar calories in a glass of wine to a bar of chocolate anyway, you're doing really well.

I'm ok, but sat in a hotel room on my own drinking wine out of a mug and units since last week are now back over the 100 mark . Last two planned AF nights haven't happened, but will get back on top of it. Im in the middle of a two day course, and feeling a bit drained as its so far been 10 hours of lectures and practicals with a group of strangers. We are being continuously assessed, then get to spend tomorrow afternoon doing written and practical exams, and if I don't pass I have to pay £££ to do the whole bloody thing again. We start again at 8 tomorrow so going to have to stop drinking soon and attempt an early night.

will how are you doing tonight? Hope you are ok. lala where have you got to?!

venus loved reading your posts from earlier, lots of wise words and things to think about. It makes a big difference when I'm a bit 'off the rails' to read something that reminds me why I was trying to sort this stuff out in the first place. Thank you.

Hope everyone's ok this evening, big hugs to you all xxx

Sorry cross posted with you halle well done on another AF night! Hope you sleep well and enjoy the tea and biscuits in bed!

That's ok Elba as long a UR ok. How early have you to be up tomorrow? It's amazing how happy I feel
Knowing tomorrow I won't be hungover and I can do somehinf productive with my day xx

Good morning all Brave Babes
Happy Friday to you all

Elba enjoy the rest of your course I hope you get what you want from it & that you don't have to do it again!

Halle you mention boredom and what to do with your time whilst sober. Becoming sober (I can only speak from my own experience) gives you so much more time on your hands and this can sometimes be a bit of a challenge, to occupy the hours in the evening, in the pub at lunch time, at a party etc. There have been some good suggestions by other babes on this thread. Ask yourself the question - what would I like to be doing whilst I'm not drinking myself into oblivion - taking DC out for the day, a bit of gardening, online jigsaws (don't roll your eyes, they are good fun), knitting, going to the gym, decorating a room that's needed it for a while, learn a language, go and visit a friend who you haven't seen for a while etc etc the list goes on.....

When I first decided not to drink, I had to avoid 'my normal life' by this I mean - not see my friends who drink, go to the pub, keep all alcohol away from the house (too much temptation), drive a different route home to stop myself from buying booze. The temptations are always there - it just gets easier to cope.

I suspect alot of us (all of us) have to face some emotional/mental shit as we become sober, it all becomes very raw, because there is no vino collapso to hide behind.
I for one had to face up to a load of shit that I'd been burying in some deep dark holes and instead of running away, I faced up to it. Hard as it was, it is so so worth it.

Anyway, I won't go on and on. Soberdom is a very precious and fragile thing, and yes it is so worth it, that I promise you.
I for one am a nicer person, I prefer the sober Spanna than the Spanna who drinks.

Here's some of the reasons why
I am a much better mother, I have time to listen to my DC (and remember the conversation from the night before)
I can drive them anywhere and not have to worry about being over the limit.
I will live longer (I hope)
My skin is clearer, as are my eyes and I've lost a stone over the past year
I can see my life so much more clearly
I no longer have hangovers
I am a better friend
I am able to think more clearly
I am no longer anxious or experience 'the dread'
I cook more
There are so many more reasons & they are all worth it.

Hopefully when you're ready Halle you will get there too
416 Days for me today and I am so proud of myself

Sorry Hope gave me the smock of smug recently and clearly I have taken it quite literally

Halle I hope my post helps even if it's just a little x

Great post spanna, your positively radiates from the page. It's incredibly inspirational.

elba good to hear from you, I expect you're up and at 'em already. Give it all you've got, dig deep and I'm sure you'll pass with flying colours.

I am (as per normal) aiming for a dry day - I think of all days I struggle with Friday's the most. But really want to run early tomorrow morning and can't run on even a tiny bit of alcohol the night before. Hopefully that'll be the motivation I need when the witch comes calling.

Hope everyone is ok

Morning Claret
Thank you Oh yes, Friday was always my 'Wine O'clock' from the time I'd got home from picking DC up from school, I would usually collude with a couple of the other mums and we'd all be shitfaced by 6pm, in bed by 8
Can you make a plan for later so that there's no way that you can drink? Invite DC friend round after school so that you have to drive them home later, go out for a pizza with DC again so driving is involved, baking with DC?
You know the drill Claret distract, distract, distract...just think of how good you'll feel on that early morning run
Take one minute, hour at a time, especially at witching hour which for me was 3.30 on a Friday
Have a good day Babe x

Thanks all, especially spanna, that was a really in depth nice reply you gave me. Well im on day 4 AF and Friday is usually a huge trigger for me. But I swear right now just thinking about getting drunk makes me feel horrible inside. I have no craving for it at all. I know I have all day and it could come but I really don't feel like it and totally believe I will make it through day 4 easily. I ne er even got up and took and pills except my anti depressant. Currently cuddled up on sofa with my baby feeling generally quite chilled. I know it could easily creep up on me but I feel very prepared for it. Hope all you babes are good today. Ps. im going to see if I can go a month without the booze then ask my hubby to pay for a hun membership and try and get my ore baby body back happy Friday xx

Thanks spanna, I'm planning a scrummy dinner, and an early trip to the shops (so I don't feel tempted), and it's likely that I'll be by myself until gone 8pm tonight so no way I can get booze once my DD is in bed at 7. My DD has friends coming over from 3-5 ish which should help distract me (5 toddlers - wish me luck!)

halle awesome plan, well done. Get through tonight and you'll feel great in the morning - I find with every day under my belt I get stronger and it gets ever so slightly easier. Keep on keeping on lovely.

Thanks for the support babes.

Morning all.

Halle - well done, today is just a repeat of the previous 3 AF days: you can do it.

Elba - good luck on the course

Today I am wavering between hope and blind panic: it hit me last night that dependant on the CAFCASS officers understanding of DV my exP may actually be in with a chance of full residency of our child thus making me and child 1 homeless and child 1 having to cope with moving and and the loss of a sibling.

I am never ever having a serious relationship again.

Halleberry I hope you don't mind me posting , I like to be upfront so I want to mention my ackground....I've spent 15 years running drug and alcohol services including specialist mother and baby units and a female rehab....including detox and prescribing

You sound like you really want to change things and I wanted to respond to one of your questions .... about life without alcohol being interesting and how to get there....basically love it's not..... life is boring sometimes....the dryer breaks...the boiler breaks and it's hard.....but those are temporary and the moments of happiness and joy are real ....they last longer than the ones in active addiction and there is no price to pay for then ...the reason I say this is so many amazing people relapse when they find the mundane nature of times without alcohol...those who make it realise that the moments of happiness are not constant but they are so much better

Can I ask a question....you mention the pills...listen real talk....if they are benzos I think you mentioned them ....you are setting up for a dangerous situation ....not a criticism ....trust me I get it....but I've attended way too many od's and treated a shitload of benzos addictions where someone hadn't realised and used them to get off the drink...there are other less dangerous options

You sound like an amazing strong person but it's worth keeping your head on about not giving yourself another cross addiction

I get that the rooms are not for everyone and I'm not suggesting them , smart recovery is good as another option but have you also tried your local agency?

I get that some are shit but one are great and even if it's to start talking to someone just for you its worth a try

Look I've been in the services a long time and anyone seeking recovery is amazing and beyond string. ...I'm here if you would like to pm me for any advice...I promise I've got a lot of both medical and therapeutic experience and whilst you got this asking for help is part of recovery so I'm here if I can help

Thankyou very much euri. I will pm you when I have more time to chat. Still not drank and have no notion to. I keep imagining myself feeling drunk and it's making me feel horrible. There is no pleasure from it anymore. I am in no way saying that's me "sober" and that I won't fall off the wagon. Im not that naeieve. I can say however that of all the times ive said im serious about giving up the drink this is definitely the most ive actually meant it. I am genuinely done with it. And I hate it and what it's done to my life. I think I will find the pills a little harder to come off. Ive taken 120mg Dihydrocodiene, and 5mh valium (that's actually 15 mg less than yesterday) but im working on it. I can only stabd to feel "normal" for so long. I am in wait for psychology team to assess my therapy as CBT didn't seem to work. Either that or I didn't do the work I should have. Please believe me when I say that rofhr now I have zero craving for alcohol and im really pleased with this. My son finishes school at 3. Id usually hit the shop right after and have my first Sri k at 4. Drunk by time husband comes in about 7. Not today tho. Im makin spag bol, and I have coca cola. My husband will be happily shocked lol xxx