Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Brave Babes Battle Bus is Racing Along.....

998 replies

venusandmars · 23/04/2016 23:52

Our lovely mouseface usually starts these threads but I've just noticed that the previous one is almost full, so I'm facing technology and get the next one set up.

Anyone, absolutely anyone, who feels they have a problem with drink is welcome here. Whether you're trying to stop, or cut down a little, whether you've been sober for years, or even if you're too scared even to contemplate what is happening. If you think it will help you to post, or lurk, then please do.

There's often a lot of nonsense and banter, but lots of good sound advice.

And there is always lots of support and care and no judgement.

This is the link to the previous thread, if you want to read what's been going on so far The Previous Thread

And this is the link to JesusWhatNext 's original thread started 6 years ago The Original Thread

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Elba84 · 16/05/2016 14:57

marry yes ive considered it and not ruled it out, just too much of a wimp to show at a meeting at the moment.

Thanks obrigada think I'm going to try and sleep for a bit then just start over. Got to do it today though as I have to pass it and I'm working all day tomorrow.

marryoneorbecomeone · 16/05/2016 15:02

It's a scary thing to go to AA. But nothing like as scary as where you are now. X

beachestoexplore · 16/05/2016 15:19

Elba I read your post and felt your despair Sad. It is the worst feeling when everything closes in on you and you feel unable to cope Flowers. However, this day will pass lovely, you will cope because you actually DO have lots of coping skills. You don't sound pathetic, it is brave to reach out even if it is just here to the babes. Try to focus on getting the things done that absolutely MUST be dealt with today and then give yourself permission to put the other stuff aside for a day when you feel stronger. Have a virtual soft blanket and bar of chocolate from me Smile

beachestoexplore · 16/05/2016 15:23

Opps, I hadn't refreshed and now see there were lots more posts Blush

halle hi and sorry you are struggling today too.

Great advice and support Marry Smile and obrigada

Halleberry · 16/05/2016 16:15

I just don't feel ready to say I will never drink again and Even Sayin every day i won't drink for today feels like a waste of time and a trick of the mind cause I know that at some point I will have a drink. Maybe not today but I might tomorrow. Im only so scared Incase i hurt my kids. I enjoy drinking at the time. I can't cope with hangovers xxx

marryoneorbecomeone · 16/05/2016 16:23

Are you waiting until you hurt your kids before you make a change? If so then you're prioritising alcohol over them.

ToxicCunt · 16/05/2016 16:30

Or are you waiting until you are where my husband is? Because by the time you're where he is it may be too late. Google what pancreatitis does. There is no treatment for it. No cure. All they can do is support the body and hope it recovers.

Don't put your family through it.

Halleberry · 16/05/2016 16:33

Of
Course im it waiting until I hurt my kids. Id die if I hurt themSad I don't want to hurt them at all and im
Not waiting for it to Happen I only said I have a fear of it but still not ready tl give it up. Toxic is is your husband a daily drinking alcoholic? I was in hospital a few mo ths back and I had the full worksdk e and my body is working fine. I only drjnk 1/2 a week atmost. Sometimes even just 1 night so im not worried about my body in that way xx

ToxicCunt · 16/05/2016 16:39

He drinks to excess on a daily basis so at best he's dependent at worst an alcoholic.

The thing with pancreatitis is you get no warning. It just happens and it's excruciatingly painful. You can go from perfectly healthy to where he is in days, no matter what your previous blood work tells you

ToxicCunt · 16/05/2016 16:40

They say it takes between 20-35 units a week to trash your pancreas

Halleberry · 16/05/2016 16:46

I don't always have even close to that. Some weeks I may only have 10 Units. I am otherwise very helpful. Im not worried about how often I drink ( mostly everyone I know drinks loada more thanks) but when I do drink I get really wasted and im scared now what If I one of the kids gets hurt cause of me Sad but I can't give up my girls nights (I need them
For my sanity) and I love sharing a bottle win my hubby when we feel relaxed and have fun. I can't imagine never doing that again xx

Fairenuff · 16/05/2016 16:50

Elba your gp can't really know how to help you unless you are honest with her. Think about going back and opening up a little. You can write it on a note and hand it to her if you can't find the words.

You are coping, things don't need to get any worse than they are now. But I know you want more than just 'coping'. Well done for coming back to the bus. Stick with us and keep posting if you can x

Halle regarding this 'Even Sayin every day i won't drink for today feels like a waste of time and a trick of the mind cause I know that at some point I will have a drink. Maybe not today but I might tomorrow.' - Don't worry about tomorrow. So what if you drink every day for the rest of your life, the only day you have to abstain is today.

It can be hard to understand how that can help, I know. But if you just focus on one day, even if you have to go to bed at 8 o'clock to get through it, you will see the benefit and why we all bang on about ODAAT Smile

Halleberry · 16/05/2016 17:32

Well I guess my timer has started again .... This will be my second day AF even though I felt so bad both days and wanted to drink i forced myself not to and I havent. I just wish someone would wave a makin wand and make me a normal drinker tell
Me I won't kill my kids and life is great! Im here shaking writing this with visions of me actually doing something something or dropping baby and it being my fault
Throufh drink xx

ClaretAndBlue30 · 16/05/2016 20:21

halle I think the fear of not being there for your children (through blackout or stupor) is a fear many of us on the bus have dealt with or are still dealing with. And the fear of never drinking again is also real and challenging to comprehend (how ever destructive our drinking is or can be). So don't feel alone and don't feel bad - perhaps try and establish some goals? Is your aim to cut back generally or cut out the out of control drinking in social situations? Can you put goals in place to moderate at social situations? Think about these things and it might help you feel you've got a bit of control over the situation. Its worked to some degree for me.

elba i think like faire says perhaps, as hard as it may be, opening up a little to your gp might help. You sound really down, like the others have said though, just get through today and hopefully the fog will lift a little tomorrow. A new dawn a new day and all that.

And for every babe, lurker, frequent poster whatever - you are worth it and you are here - which shows you are trying. Be kind to yourself, you're worth it Flowers

Halleberry · 16/05/2016 20:41

Thanks claret. Ive put a plan into place with my DH. None of us drink at the same time unless the kids are staying overnight somewhere. We will take events and functions in turns to who will drink and who will drive so that one of us is always aware with the kids. He is fine with that and that makes me feel so much better. DH
Not big drinker anyway but he was a bit drunk SatuRday but I feel better now that this agreement has been put in place. Ive tried to make some plans to go out after dinner and not come home Til about 8. If I can make it to 8 without a drink I find the notion goes away as what's the point when bed time is near. Im definitelty not physically. Dependant on alcohol but definitely psychologically x

ClaretAndBlue30 · 16/05/2016 21:15

That sounds great halle good you've got a plan in place and feel better about things. I agree...get to 8pm and early bed is not far off...

Days like today i wonder why i ever drink, i've been far happier today than any of the past 4 when i've been drinking. Just stupid. Hey ho, one day at a time.

obrigada hope your weigh in goes ok - those carb cravings are the worst but hopefully you'll still get a loss!

Elba84 · 16/05/2016 21:21

beaches, marry, faire, claret and everyone else thanks for the lovely posts, sorry again for my whinging. I've given up on today, have achieved a load of washing and that's about it. Going to have to do some major cramming on Wednesday for this bloody course and hope for the best. Tried to do some work and ended up in tears as I couldn't find my pencil case with my coloured pens Hmm Blush so it seems I've also regressed into a toddler!

faire and claret I know you are both right about being more open, and I'm not ignoring or disregarding your advice, I just can't risk her telling work and getting into the whole occupational health thing. She'd sign me off in an instant mental health wise, I've been refusing as I know if I don't work I will just self destruct, so already treading a very fine line. So I guess marry is right, maybe I need to give more serious consideration to AA. But then when I'm feeling like today all motivation to not drink disappears anyway so I just go round in circles.

Anyway I'm going to stop whining on, sorry for being so self obsessed and thanks for all your lovely support, I would be lost without it Flowers

marryoneorbecomeone · 16/05/2016 22:36

Halle, you've just said

" I love sharing a bottle win my hubby when we feel relaxed and have fun. I can't imagine never doing that again xx"

And yet your plan is to only drink when he stays sober.

lookingforhope · 16/05/2016 22:36

Aw big hugs Elba and good luck with studying Flowers

I would be upset if I lost my coloured pens too, I love stationery Wink

On a more serious note though, totally understand you not wanting to be outed at work (i have hawww..org.ukd the same but have you considered online counselling or CBT? I know it's hard to find time but just a thought. Hope you have a good night's sleep tonight babe, take care xxxx

lookingforhope · 16/05/2016 22:39

No idea what happened with that post. Phone running out of battery Sad. I have felt the same (not whatever that weird link was????? Confused )

marryoneorbecomeone · 16/05/2016 22:43

I know I'm evangelical about sobriety and total abstinence, and that's because it's made such a huge huge positive difference to my life.

And I firmly believe that if you're drinking as I was, to black out, and terrible terrible hangovers, or your drinking makes you aggressive, or wet the bed, then you, and I, will never be able to moderate our drinking.

The acceptance of that may seem terrifying but it's the first small step. Just don't pick up the first drink.

Halleberry · 16/05/2016 22:58

Like I said my DH isn't a big drinker. He'd have one glass and Id finish the bottle. But I worried because on Saturday we were both drunk. Kids were fine but I was a wreck worrying. So ive told him we can never get drunk together unless our kids are staying elsewhere for the night. And you are right Marry. I know deep down I Shld just give it up. That's the reason im on the bus and not dry12. Im not quite ready to quit. Im so sorry Sad xx

Halleberry · 16/05/2016 23:09

And I thought the bus was to support those of us who still are maybe still drinking and struggling and for support when we mess up? That's why I was sent here?? Xx

Fairenuff · 16/05/2016 23:20

This is support Halle. It's just chatting over all the different options. No one can make you quit, it has to be something that you chose for yourself and if you're not ready yet, that's fine.

The small changes that you can make, and are choosing to make, should all help you head in the right direction Smile

ClaretAndBlue30 · 17/05/2016 07:20

halle big hugs. I think marry is trying to just stress how happy she is having made the transition to being af. Perhaps her passion for this is sometimes reading a bit harsh for someone who's feeling vulnerable like you are right now.

faire always speaks very wise words, take it one day at a time, set your goals and really think about how it makes you feel when you do drink. We are all here because we have a problem with alcohol - varying degrees, varying goals, varying history - but I, for one, will support other babes in their journey regardless. That is what we're here for. Maybe, one day, you will make the leap and become af? Maybe I will too. But for now, just keep going one day at a time and if you can make that day af, then well done you!!