Morning babes,
Feeling shattered today, dd2 had a friend sleeping over and seemed to go in a bloody awkward mood as soon as her friend arrived. Spent all day and night sortibg out arguments and the friend wanted to go home but her mum is also my friend and I know she was out with her dh at a festival so would be late. Didn't get them to go to sleep til midnight then I had horrible nightmares all night.
My little one is clever, funny and adorable but as part Scottish, Irish and Italian is as feisty as they come. I feel every one of my 44 years and then some.
I often think how the hell did I cope when I was hungover every morning, oh that's right i didn't!!!! I went bat shit crazy.
I was thinking of you all moderating and the excruciating amount of energy that required when I thought I could. I used to put roadblocks in my drinking path, I started dd2 at an early morning gymnastics class on a sat so I wouldn't arse up on a. Friday night, book a riding session on a Sunday morning, silly little things that forced a break in the habit. It also reminded me there's a whole world out there enjoying life where I had previously written off weekends hungover and anxious.
I remember once I told my friends and family I was going AF for a week and would give my wine money to the local hospice. Looking back they must have thought a week, FFS that's nothing but it was definitely a big thing for me. The reason for the charity angle was so guilt would make me do it, and it did but it was the longest week of my life, I ticked off the days on a wee chart on my fridge and I remember it being a hellish week and I got yo the end by the skin of my teeth.
It's actually easier for me because stopping was not a choice but a prerequisite to keeping my family together and I was checked on daily by support team so if I drank, things would have escalated very quickly potentially affecting my children and as I've said I love them with every fibre of my being so that's defo gonna a motivate a Mother.
I guess what I'm saying is whatever the reason and however you find your strength to stop or cut down you will allow yourself to step out of your private hell and you can't help but notice there are people living great lives, nice people, enjoying a world of clubs, activities, yoga and cappuccino soaked Saturday's.
I respect you all so much and elba I love watching you dip your toe into sobriety and now having a paddle. I was thinking, could you maybe join a boxing class, a tough circuit class, if you feel a need to "hurt" yourself, and I've had that too, can you pummel your body with high octane excercise that will certainly hurt but has a positive outcome. It could also provide a road block!!!
I've a long way to go to be fixed but a huge weight, a huge amount of brain space and physical energy has been freed up without booze being my every waking thought, I
Still not sure what to do with it all but I'm learning one cappacino at a time xxxx
Love you guys xxx