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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes Battle Bus is Racing Along.....

998 replies

venusandmars · 23/04/2016 23:52

Our lovely mouseface usually starts these threads but I've just noticed that the previous one is almost full, so I'm facing technology and get the next one set up.

Anyone, absolutely anyone, who feels they have a problem with drink is welcome here. Whether you're trying to stop, or cut down a little, whether you've been sober for years, or even if you're too scared even to contemplate what is happening. If you think it will help you to post, or lurk, then please do.

There's often a lot of nonsense and banter, but lots of good sound advice.

And there is always lots of support and care and no judgement.

This is the link to the previous thread, if you want to read what's been going on so far The Previous Thread

And this is the link to JesusWhatNext 's original thread started 6 years ago The Original Thread

OP posts:
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11
Elba84 · 02/05/2016 00:11

Havent had a drink, so that's three AF days this week and 41 units (28 less than last week according to my app Blush ). Have resorted to taking diazepam though which I try and avoid (addictive personality and all that) but otherwise I think getting totally obliterated would of been the only other option tonight. Hoping my brain will switch off in a minute and let me sleep!

Night babes x

dementedma · 02/05/2016 08:20

Well done Elba. Really impressed

soberisthenewblack168 · 02/05/2016 09:11

Well done elba you are making remarkable progress in a relatively short time.
Waves to everyone else

ClaretAndBlue30 · 02/05/2016 09:41

Morning babes!

Well done elba!

babyjane1 · 02/05/2016 11:23

Morning babes,

Feeling shattered today, dd2 had a friend sleeping over and seemed to go in a bloody awkward mood as soon as her friend arrived. Spent all day and night sortibg out arguments and the friend wanted to go home but her mum is also my friend and I know she was out with her dh at a festival so would be late. Didn't get them to go to sleep til midnight then I had horrible nightmares all night.

My little one is clever, funny and adorable but as part Scottish, Irish and Italian is as feisty as they come. I feel every one of my 44 years and then some.

I often think how the hell did I cope when I was hungover every morning, oh that's right i didn't!!!! I went bat shit crazy.

I was thinking of you all moderating and the excruciating amount of energy that required when I thought I could. I used to put roadblocks in my drinking path, I started dd2 at an early morning gymnastics class on a sat so I wouldn't arse up on a. Friday night, book a riding session on a Sunday morning, silly little things that forced a break in the habit. It also reminded me there's a whole world out there enjoying life where I had previously written off weekends hungover and anxious.

I remember once I told my friends and family I was going AF for a week and would give my wine money to the local hospice. Looking back they must have thought a week, FFS that's nothing but it was definitely a big thing for me. The reason for the charity angle was so guilt would make me do it, and it did but it was the longest week of my life, I ticked off the days on a wee chart on my fridge and I remember it being a hellish week and I got yo the end by the skin of my teeth.

It's actually easier for me because stopping was not a choice but a prerequisite to keeping my family together and I was checked on daily by support team so if I drank, things would have escalated very quickly potentially affecting my children and as I've said I love them with every fibre of my being so that's defo gonna a motivate a Mother.

I guess what I'm saying is whatever the reason and however you find your strength to stop or cut down you will allow yourself to step out of your private hell and you can't help but notice there are people living great lives, nice people, enjoying a world of clubs, activities, yoga and cappuccino soaked Saturday's.

I respect you all so much and elba I love watching you dip your toe into sobriety and now having a paddle. I was thinking, could you maybe join a boxing class, a tough circuit class, if you feel a need to "hurt" yourself, and I've had that too, can you pummel your body with high octane excercise that will certainly hurt but has a positive outcome. It could also provide a road block!!!

I've a long way to go to be fixed but a huge weight, a huge amount of brain space and physical energy has been freed up without booze being my every waking thought, I
Still not sure what to do with it all but I'm learning one cappacino at a time xxxx

Love you guys xxx

lookingforhope · 02/05/2016 12:06

Wonderful post Baby. You are an inspiration. I am heading out for a run (well, Hippo like plod) in the rain now. Not run for a couple of years. Also started the Diet Doctor 2 week low carb challenge. Am thinking of doing the next boot camp on mn. Even though I've done it before and they terrified me Confused.

Claret, yes ds is a runner. Trains or competes most nights. He is good, but has trained for 8 years to be this good. There's a lesson in there for me somewhere with my yo-yo diets and on-off gym membership Blush

Elba well done to you. Here's a Star and a Halo and some Chocolate for good measure (obviously had to expel the chocolate from my low carb cupboard Grin )

Ma hope all well in the Demented house today!

Can't put this exercise off any longer babes... Later!

laladidah · 02/05/2016 13:07

Another one to say well done elba you are doing amazingly well! As you already know, go easy on the diazepam, it is so easy for cross addiction to happen, although they are ok for a short term fix. (Sorry if that sounded preachy). have a little stash that I have accumulated over the years (legally!!!) and as the numbers have dwindled, I find myself getting anxious were they to run out, so I am very very careful about taking them.

hope you sound very motivated today, hope you have a good run!

baby what a lovely mix of nationalities - Perfect for feistiness and good looks

Miserable bank holiday for me, still bedridden and poorly. Still I guess on one hand it's good as I am forced to be AF - maybe I should just see how it goes? Def not drinking today (too dangerous as I still can't really even drink water yet, plus feel hideous) so might see if I can make it to the end of the week this time.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all doing well, and are enjoying May Day Flowers

Elba84 · 02/05/2016 13:43

Aw ma, sober, claret, baby, hope, lala (and all the other amazing babes) thank you for your lovely support and encouragement Flowers

Surprised (and pleased) at myself for actually sticking to my goal for last week but this feels like a very precarious/scary place still...I know realistically I could (and possibly will) backtrack easily, so I guess it's a case of clinging on to the 'good' days/ weeks and trying to build on them. Toying with attempting to do two days in a row and not drinking tonight, but already got that stupid internal 'do I/ don't I' monologue going on.

baby I actually used to love doing circuits but haven't been (or done any real excercise) since about January when my mood took a bit of a dip. I do miss exercise just haven't been able to make myself go despite good intentions, but maybe will try a gentle gym session today or tomorrow to try and build myself back up.

I was actually managing really well last year with excercise and eating well (although only in the evenings when my hangover had worn off Blush ) and felt great for it. At the moment thought I've got a complete mental barrier about doing anything positive it seems. I was (almost obsessively) making sure I ate nutritious food, counting protein, five a day etc. That's flipped on its head at the moment to the extent that yesterday I felt a pang of guilt putting veg on my plate at work (the only time I even eat a proper hot meal usually, and only to make sure I'm safe to work) as something in me just felt that I didn't deserve the nutrition somehow. It's the same with the excercise and not drinking- it will make me feel good, so I'm somehow scared of it. I've had 'issues' with food/ eating on and off for years, but this is a new (and bizarre) feeling even for me!!

sober how are you getting on? Hope things are not too stressful with your DM.

lala hope you start to feel a bit better soon. I guess the only positive is an enforced AF day or two! I'm actually quite scared of diazepam (my last stash actually went out of date), and rarely take it as usually I've been drinking anyway.

hope hope you enjoyed your run, and thank you for the Chocolate You sound really positive today.

Anyway hope everyone's enjoying the bank holiday, sorry for the essay! xxx

Elba84 · 02/05/2016 13:51

And will hope you're ok. Please check in if you can xxx

soberisthenewblack168 · 02/05/2016 16:49

Hi Elba thanks I am doing ok. My DM is bat shit crazy but my lovely therapist totally gets it which helps. I have found that even gently suggesting to people in RL that my DM is hard work is met with resistance so it is good to have a space to go to when I can vent. Had a lovely weekend with my DT daughters and thinking maybe I messed up with them but hey they are still willing to hang out with me so maybe I did ok .Smile
Hope everyone else is hanging on in there

soberisthenewblack168 · 02/05/2016 17:06

m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=AmP39QEoEcU
This song was swirling through my head this weekend whilst listening to my DD talking about life. Wish I could place an old head on her shoulders but alas

dementedma · 02/05/2016 17:49

hope well done on the exercise. I have done C25K before but can't face it this year which is shameful, given that the people I raise funds for have no choice in their cancer.
I went into work today to try and get caught up. Spent 3 hours on a report which corrupted on saving and I lost it all! Even our tech guys couldn't retrieve it.waste of a day! Grrrrrr

babyjane1 · 02/05/2016 18:38

sober thank you for reminding me of that lovely song, made me smile, a slightly watery smile but a smile nonetheless.

I'm so sorry for all this turmoil with your Mum, I guess when people become very ill they become martyrs, I'm sure because they're ill doesn't negate from the wrong they have done or the hurt they have caused.

I'm so glad you can share this with someone you trust and who understands, I'm sure this must happen in many families in the same situation. Your dealing with it very well and you sound like a terrific Mother as well as Daughter.

ma sorry you had a crappy day!!! How did dd get on with her beloved?

lala sorry too your not well, bad enough when it's a hangover but being sick through no fault of your own is just crap. Take care lovely xxx

Rarity75 · 02/05/2016 19:13

Hi babes, I've skim read the last few days.

will are you ok Hun?

ma bless I hope your DD is doing ok.

I've been away, DP took me on a shopping weekend. It was lovely and I got really spoiled. I am also proud of the fact that I moderated (4 pints all day) and didn't get hammered. That has to be a first for me! I'm aiming for an AF week but it's not happening tonight. I've been left with two kids and a bottle of wine while DP is off playing snooker Hmm, suppose I can't moan too much....

I can't name check everyone and hello to the newbie's!! It's a great support this thread. Although I don't post every day I always catch up with how you fab babes are doing and you are a massive help Smile

dementedma · 02/05/2016 19:40

Dd and lovely boyfriend are working through things. They are perfect together. He realises that he has been an idiot and just panicked, a lot of changes happening in his life...

They adore each other.

Elba84 · 02/05/2016 21:27

Argh decided to attempt two days in a row thinking I've not really been craving alcohol but I take that back, I really really want a drink Sad

Elba84 · 02/05/2016 22:04

Failed Blush Sad

babyjane1 · 02/05/2016 22:34

elba you deserve this, you deserve a chance at a better life, try your best, that's all you can do, thinking of you and willing you strength xxx

soberisthenewblack168 · 02/05/2016 22:45

elba you haven't failed it's a blip. Are you able to stop now and if not can you set a time limit

obrigada · 03/05/2016 08:25

Morning babes, back to work after bank holiday weekend, did have some wine over the weekend but my tolerance has lowered since starting SW so thankfully didn't overindulge Smile.
Wishing all babes a good day xx

Elba84 · 03/05/2016 11:16

Morning all. 'Only' 9 units last night in the end, but it really affected me so I guess my tolerance must be getting a bit lower. Just annoying as I wanted to see if I could ever get past day 1 but clearly I can't. On the plus side my app calculates units on a kind of rolling week basis, and they are below 40 for the first time (just- 39!). Thank you baby and sober for your lovely posts.

On a more bizarre note, having once run a 10k (very slowly) and having managed 40 mins at the gym yesterday my drunk brain decided last night that it was a good idea to to ballot for the London marathon Hmm If I get a place you will all recognise me as the one stopping for a beer and a fag on the way round. (Please god don't let me get a place, I think it would kill me!!!)

aliasjoey · 03/05/2016 12:17

crap weekend. DH miserable. DD verging on an eating disorder.

Sometimes I dream about life-changing things happening to DH. I don't really want a divorce because that would make him even more miserable and actually I just want him/us to be happy. So I imagine him getting a stress-related illness, which makes him realise he needs to do yoga and chill.

How awful of me I know. He hates yoga. Actually he hates everything. Maybe he could die in a quick, painless car accident? He loves driving, at least he'd go happy.

I've drunk every night for 5 nights - that's bad for me. Last night I had a whole bottle, and didn't even get a hangover this morning. My liver must be so used to it. I am depressed though, alcohol is a depressant but this weekend has been so miserable. DD called a family meeting and told us off. We tried to reassure her/promise to change but DH was obviously angry about it.

ClaretAndBlue30 · 03/05/2016 19:33

Evening babes, just checking in.

elba you can get past 1 day and you will - just remember you initially thought you'd never do 1 day!! So it shows you can surpass your beliefs in yourself - but for now, huge well done on lowering your units and clocking up individual af days. Going in the right direction!

And with regards to the marathon - if you get in, it's one of the best things I have ever done, bloody hard work but amazing. But rest assured, I applied for a ballot 3 years on the trot then got in on my 4th year by going via a charity...so odds are in your favour if you don't really want to do it Wink

alias Flowers for you. Have you thought about going to see your gp? or for counselling? Hope you feel a bit better this evening.

All ok here, having a couple of af days before a long weekend away where I will drink moderately.

Everyone else, how's it going? will check in if you can.

Elba84 · 03/05/2016 21:29

Thanks claret x I hope your right regarding the marathon! I've been reassured by how statistically unlikely it is to get a place, but I'm sure there's some higher being somewhere that is making sure all drunken entries get honoured just for laughs Grin (really what the hell was I thinking?!?!).

joey you sound so low, sorry things are so rough at the moment. Hope you are having a better evening.

Another aborted AF night tonight, it's so much harder when I'm not working and have the whole day/evening to get through. Have counselling in the morning so have to moderate to an extent, but weekly units will be going back up as a result. So frustrating, seem to sabotage every bit of progress I make but I guess overall it's going in the right direction.

Hope everyone else is ok, quiet on here tonight!

Rarity75 · 03/05/2016 21:31

I've failed to go AF tonight too elba Blush