Husband is lying

[blueberry04]

I really can't talk about this to people in RL my head is all over the place.

My DH is lying to me about money. We are in the process of buying our first house, he has no money to put into it and has not tried to save anything. I went for the mortgage and we had to say what debts we had. I don't have any I'm very careful and save so I have the full deposit. He has been to uni so has the usual student debt so I told all of this to the mortgage advisor. Once we had credit checks done they said that we hadn't disclosed another overdraft he had and another credit card. They are not for massive amounts.

I told him straight away and he lied to my face said he didn't know anything about them and they must have got it wrong. A few weeks later I opened some post from the bank and there in black and white was the secret overdraft. I didn't say I had seen it but asked again and he again said he didn't know but would call the bank when I mentioned fraud. He told me he called them and it was an overdraft from years ago and there was £60 odd pound outstanding and he paid it off.

At the weekend he had a letter from a bank and he told me he looked at a loan but they couldn't do anything to better what he had. Today another letter so I opened it and it says he has a new loan with them and paid into his account!

I've decided to go forward with buying the house in just my name everything is approved and I can afford it.

I don't know what to do we have a 1 year old and it breaks my heart to think of splitting up our family. We do get on well, we don't argue but I do resent a lot as I paid our wedding in full, pay more a month towards bills and went back to work full time after 3 months of giving birth.

I don't get the lying I always try to help him out I don't judge, I understand debt my family have been in awful situations so I don't understand this and can't work out why as we don't have expensive cars, holidays, clothes etc

What would you do? X

I know someone who was married to a man like this. She discovered his debts shortly after they had their first child. She stayed because she didn't want to 'break up the family'. By the time they divorced their house was repossessed and both of them were bankrupt because of his debts.

Op, you need to end this marriage if you ever want to live a normal life without worrying about money and dealing with lies.

I couldn't be with someone who lied about money like this. It seems he thinks he's got it made with you! He gets to spend all his money, run up debts and you pay for the weddings and houses. I would also suspect he's gambling.

You say he knows if he shouts you'll back down as you can't cope with it, so is there someone you trust who could be with you when this happens? Could help you to stay relaxed and able to say your piece?

op Liars never change, I know though bitter experience. He also sounds like bully.

start protecting your money

Wow, he sounds like my DUncle who died recently. He has gambled all his life but left his bungalow in his will except that......it was all consumed to pay his massive loans and overdrafts and them some. Everything my DAunt paid into all her life and would have loved to have left to her nieces and nephews gone to a poxy building society because he got into gambling trouble years ago and took out a loan he never paid that was registered to his home. What a mess. Gamblers are as secretive as fuck OP. Take care but LTB definitely. It's the fact he doesn't appear to want to provide for the Dc that would piss me off no end!