I have always sailed on the windy side of personality island...

[MissAlabamaWhitman]

And I don't feel as if I can commit to one person sexually, for life. Why should I?

Love you forever, definitely.
In sickness and in health, absolutely.
Till death do us part, unquestionably.

Forsaking all others? To be candid; probably not. Why would you expect me to?

What does it prove (or disprove)

Enlighten me.

I understand your point bollocks.

I can understand monogamy which is entered in to as insurance against a partner leaving for another person.

In that case would you easily forgive occasional one night stands?

Are you more likely to tend towards infidelity yourself, as monogamy is not intrinsically linked to emotion in your experience?

That wasn't a problem which I was alluding to Cap.

To which I was alluding

I too have Asperger's Syndrome, I have no need to resort to purple prose to express myself.

I think it's unusual for people to have a sexual relationship that has absolutely no emotional impact. I've seen a few threads on here about people who have fallen for a FWB even though that was never their intention. With that in mind, i would worry that a committed, but open relationship could be jeopardised if feelings developed with a third party.

I don't believe it's sniffy to recognise the fallibility of posting regarding positive aspects of sexual infidelity on a board where the vast majority of posts are initiated by people who have been 'victims' of a spouse's infidelity and experience it as a great travesty.

I made a mistake by posting this here, it's difficult for other posters to be objective by virtue of their experiences.

What experiences are you talking about? My experiences of long term monogamy have been nothing but positive. I think my husband would say the same, although that's for him to say and he won't come on mn, so you will have to take my word for that.

As for the experiences that are talked about on here, they are usually more negative examples because most people don't come on here to say how wonderful their relationships are. Even if I had experienced infidelity I hope I would still have a faithful relationship as an ideal.

I may have misunderstood what you are saying though because I can't get past the words you use to get to the meaning.

As for the windy side of personality island. I think you are going to have to accept that sometimes the wind changes direction OP.

I agree totally with Bela, in fact I'm living proof of what she describes. I believe that how we are is mostly genetic, with possibly a little bit of indoctrination thrown in the mix. In my world, sex in a loving relationship is vastly different to casual sex. Yes, the primal urge is the same, but when deep emotion is added, it takes it to another level.....in my opinion and experience.

After a long loving marriage, my husband died unexpectedly. The light went out on my life that day. I just know myself well enough to accept that I would never want to re-place him sexually......or any other way. We took a lifetime to create what we had. It saw us through the ups and downs in life. It was special.

what do you actually want from this thread OP? It doesn't seem to me there is a problem here, as long as both partners are on the same page. Some of us prefer the deep peace of the double bed, some the hurly burly of the chaise longue, and that's pretty much all there is to say. There is no one way of running a relationship, and you're not going to change your mind if someone comes up with a killer argument, is it?

(Sigh) are you.

...there is a massive twat on this thread.

I think the OP just wants to boast about how right on, cool and enlightened she is. Fwiw I actually agree with this stance to a certain extent, I think life long fidelity is not achievable for most and it's unrealistic to expect it. I don't think people should be so demonised if they fail at it. However her writing style is so patronising and annoying I can't bring myself to engage properly with it.

Op is a robot, yes?

Here, have my first

I think OP may have read the Wendy Plump book "Vow: A Memoir of a Marriage". That's where that windy quote comes from.

I had an interesting discussion with my pal the other day & we were talking about how when you are younger, meeting new men & sex & all that seems exciting, but you don't have the experience of a long, challenging, interesting marriage and the sex you get after decades of sharing your life experiences with someone.

To me, marriage is a vast, unending Icelandic saga and unless you have experienced shagging the same man for over 20 years, the same man that stroked your back when you gave birth, held you when your dad died, that you washed your dead child with, that you had to tell his dad had died, that you have shared a bed with your babies with, you just have no idea at all what that sex is like.

It is very very different to sex with someone you hardly know and it is what I want and why we committed to each other for life. We did not know what we were getting, but what we have experience is far more 'windy' and thrilling than you will ever be able to know if you haven't had it. I like climbing the highest and hardest mountains - the greatest rewards come from the deepest efforts.

would you easily forgive occasional one night stands?
I would be open to discussions about it, but the relationship would have to be rock solid, there would have to be very good reasons for it and very clear rules put in place about the frequency etc before it happens. What I couldn't tolerate are lies and deceit. Really though, I just want a man to only want me and me to only want him, because by wanting to look elsewhere it's saying, "I just don't find what we have exciting enough" and who wants that!

Are you more likely to tend towards infidelity yourself
No, I'm definitely a one at a time type of woman and have never cheated on a partner. Besides, I've had so much sex with so many different men that it's lost a lot of its appeal, and I'm now so fussy that I rarely see a man I find attractive until I've got to know him to be honest.

God, is this thread still going?

PARKLIFE