I have always sailed on the windy side of personality island...

[MissAlabamaWhitman]

And I don't feel as if I can commit to one person sexually, for life. Why should I?

Love you forever, definitely.
In sickness and in health, absolutely.
Till death do us part, unquestionably.

Forsaking all others? To be candid; probably not. Why would you expect me to?

What does it prove (or disprove)

Enlighten me.

I will concede that on balance this particular board possibly wasn't the best place to pose this question.

Yeh it did sound a bit pretentious - getting more research material? Although i have pondered this a lot over time. I think you will hit a few nerves because if you think about it marriage has nothing to do with love and all to do with practicalities of children and money.

Most people on here who aren't completely happy with their relationship and were still 18 would just move on like you do when your younger, but you can't keep on doing that as it would get really expensive 😁

It perplexes me that whilst you're happy to bandy around terminologies like a walking thesaurus, you appear to be incapable of reading and digesting the theories you are presented with.

So far, we have had monogamy as a schema of relationships.
Monogamy as a societal norm.
Intimacy formed through trust.
Monogamy as a medium of resource control.

All of these, are mechanisms by which we are socialised to understand and commit to the dramaturgy of relationships.

Whether or not you agree and choose to live by the shared societal culture is up to you.

And yes, you can use bloody condoms and visit a STD clinic if you want- but our ancestors could not and our shared cultural heritage and learned behaviours come from them.

I think monogamy is another natural desire, OP. Just like the desire to have sex with new and exciting partners, monogamy can be an arduous and distressing experience but one that people are biologically drawn to, ultimately.

Human beings are capable of quite stunning ambivalence when it comes to knowing what is right. It's like night and day. We love them both, but they can't exist together.

But people have explained and you just keep saying 'I don't understand'

You seem to be confusing 'understanding' and 'agreeing with'

It's not for you.

I think the problem is that casual sexual encounters can lead to romantic attachment.

My ex had a drunken one night stand with a work colleague, never to be repeated. He lives with her now.

Did you mean "long winded" as opposed to windy? Because that I can agree with.

I'm with pocket. I know people in poly relationships, and people who don't believe in monogamy. They just get on with it and do what makes them happy, without taking every available opportunity to preach to others about why their way is better.

The position of some people of the same mindset as OP, seems to be that people don't understand, that non monogamous people are somehow more enlightened, on a higher plane. If only they could reach us with patronising nonsense we would surely change our minds... Um, no. In reality, most people care as much about your sex life as they do about what you had for breakfast or what car you drive - that is to say not at all. And not because they don't understand, just because it's really not that interesting. Sorry.

Monogamy is inherant within your personality, You are either monogamous , or not - there is no grey area.
If monogamy is unnatural, who do some other animal species do it?
I am monogamous, I have been married for 32 years and never been attracted to another person, I could never cheat on my husband, it's simply not in me, if he were die tomorrow I doubt there would be anyone else, not because of any religious belief ( I'm atheist) but because of who I am.
I think the real problem lies with people wanting to be monogamous when it's not who they are, people don't realise that monogamy is not a 'choice' it's part of you, like being gay or straight.

I think sexual fidelity is important but emotional honesty is probably more important. I would not sleep with anyone else as I have committed, to a partner, a family and a great deal of responsibility, to be honest the energy required to maintain a variety of sexual relationships is something I do not have, other priorities, kids, culture, music, reading, friendships, Netflix are more important to me. If you have an accepting partner and enough energy then go do your thing ... me I would rather have a cup of tea.

Thank you BelalugosisShed.

That makes some kind of sense to me.

Monogamous behaviour as a (quasi?) genetic trait.

Any further support for this theory?

Jesus Christ...people are telling you why...but you're just going lalalalashaggingaroundbecauseI'menlightenedlalalala and not fucking listening. Bore off.

Could you possibly link to where I supposed myself to be a paragon of enlightenment?

I believe I actually requested to be enlightened,which surely denotes a lack of this on my part, rather than the surplus which so many of you insist that I am imbuing myself with.

I am indeed listening. Listening does not necessitate an understanding, unfortunately.

Although as I said, Bela's post made perfect sense and offered a perspective which I hadn't previously considered and/or been presented with.

Irrespective of your interest in my sexual proclivities, I was rather more interested in why sexual fidelity is so essential to the majority here on the relationships board.
This made me No-one is interested in your sexual proclivities and no-one would be discussing them at all if you hadn't started a thread to discuss them that's sort of how it works here

And tbh I think posters are being polite more than interested because you being in an open relationship isn't that interesting and you assuming that sexual fidelity is essential to the majority shows a singular lack of understanding of the issues on these boards.

But sorry, I'm taking up a post that you could have used to show your fragile grasp of pretentious language and your open-minded attitude to sex but not relationships because if you were open-minded about relationships you wouldn't be asking people to explain them to you Have fun!

We strive for monogamy as the ideal because in our nuclear society, it works for us. It is successful in raising our children, maintaining a home, facilitating a career and pooling our skills and resources together to ensure our offspring's good health and access to opportunities. When one of you trots off to potentially make babies elsewhere you threaten the status of your offspring by taking away some of their resources.

And I'm sorry I was rude...but you have had your question answered clearly many times over by different people in ways that are simple to comprehend. There are lots of reasons we strive for monogamy. Pick one.

To be candid the post is in the spirit of enquiry, irrespective of your view of my particular articulation of the questions therein

It's the spoon expert from fawlty towers!

No Pictish it's honestly fine, you haven't been rude

What I'm grappling with here is that infidelity and the nuclear family unit shouldn't have to be mutually exclusive. I have a nuclear family, we pool our economic resources to further the opportunities of our offspring.

Sexual infidelity poses no threat to this and so I don't understand that particular rationale.

However as I now fully realise, I posted this question on the wrong board entirely if I wanted to garner any answers with more than a shred of objectivity, so my apologies for that.

I have had sex with only one man. The thought of having sex with anyone else except David Duchovny makes me feel sick.

Does that enlighten you any, Miss?

Me too elQuito. I would possibly make an exception for Fox Mulder too.

You sound very smug op. I don't actually need you to have any understanding of my views on sex and love. The only ones that matter are me and my husband, who very conveniently shares my views. Phew.

Yes, it's the choice of board and lack of objectivity that caused your problem. Of course it was. No, really.

Your writing style is doing you no favours either.

It's to prevent extra offspring springing up in unexpected places - causing massive disorder - but no I'm not going to quote Einstein

Holy fuck. I gave you several entirely sociological perspectives on monogamy..... and that isn't objective enough for you?

As per all the reasons posted above- sexual infidelity CAN be seen as a threat to the nuclear family. But that wasn't even your original question.

I'm flouncing off this thread because your posting style is twatty and you don't seem to understand reasoned explanation.

What problems Cap?
I don't understand the rationale of the majority of the answers given. It happens.

I suppose I've attempted to rationalise what is for many an emotive subject.

I seek to understand what exactly it is that makes infidelity so emotive.
I always suspected it to be deceit/duplicity but then I suppose we'd all be content with polyamory.

ALL OF THE REASONS ABOVE MAKE IT EMOTIVE. FFS.