I have always sailed on the windy side of personality island...

[MissAlabamaWhitman]

And I don't feel as if I can commit to one person sexually, for life. Why should I?

Love you forever, definitely.
In sickness and in health, absolutely.
Till death do us part, unquestionably.

Forsaking all others? To be candid; probably not. Why would you expect me to?

What does it prove (or disprove)

Enlighten me.

Adding to Laurie's list, because by having sex with someone else you might put your feelings for your current partner at risk, sex is a form of communication so despite your protestations you might find that you start having feelings for your one of your 'flings' putting all you say you hold dear at risk. Is it worth it? Also sauce for the goose etc, is your partner fully accepting of this and how would you feel if he did the same?

A lot of people associate sex with the love and adoration you talk about. They see sex as an expression Of their profound emotional attachment and feel that they or their partner having sex with someone else would move their love and attachment to that person.

Amazingly, plenty of monogamous people have lots of fun in other ways and had lots of sexual adventures in the past and are happy with their apparently tragic lot

Well each to their own, but if it's a genuine question - and you do sound like you're doing a bit smug showing off - the pleasure of committed sexual relationships is in the intimacy it creates, not the sexual athletics ( although if you're doing it right, you get that too!) Don't you feel a difference between sex with your partner who you are emotionally close to, and sex with someone else?

I have had sex with only one man. The thought of having sex with anyone else except David Duchovny makes me feel sick.

Does that enlighten you any, Miss?

Sex is a bonding and endorphin creating activity. Sex with a random is generally quite fun but lacks emotional connection, once an emotional connection develops then sex can become an intimate exchange which creates thoughts and feelings about that person that exist independent of the sex. All this can be distracting from a primary relationship.
Sexual fidelity is important to many people for reasons already discussed on this thread. I've experienced infidelity and I know how viscerally painful it is to find the person you love has fucked someone else. Of course not everyone will experience it that way but I do.

Dear MNer's, not all people who believe in open relationships are as patronising and arrogant as this.

Fanjo

Monogamy is common in the natural world too, so actually it isn't entirely a social construct. It's useful and often very valuable economically in terms of community harmony and commitment to the family group.

OP, you can do what you like as long as you are honest and allow your partners to make their decisions based on that honesty.

You sound smug. You also sound as though you are on the brink of cheating on someone (or just been caught) and have come on here to air your views and test the water.

You can do whatever you like OP.

I suspect a lot of it has to do with ego.

I wrote something similar a while ago.

Although I do think the std thing is a worry especially if you are pregnant or trying for a child. Also how do you know who's baby is who's - I think for practical reasons this is why?

As the pay gap between men and women lesson and childcare is shared more I think it will mean less in marriage or marriage will go out of fashion as each person won't be reliant on the other financially so no need for the control of the situation. I really do think most of it is to do with money in marriage.

To truly love someone is to let them lead the life they want.

And yes what someone else said all the sex chasing can take time and energy from raising kids ( I'm not talking from experience btw).

I don't think monogamy is for me either and that polyamorous relationships work perfectly well for some people as long as everyone is open and honest.

BUT I don't think that makes me better or more enlightened than people for whom fidelity is important. I certainly don't think it's reasonable for people whose views tally with the majority to have to explain their motivations. Most people consider sexual fidelity to be a deal breaker.

OP, are you about 19? You sound a bit pretentious.

And I don't understand your thread title.

Your thread title is wanky.

Shag who you like.

Nobody cares.

Unless you hurt other people.

Yawn.

Ooh, I do so admire you- you're so edgy and free spirited.

Us mundanes can only watch and admire and wish we were like you.

Is that what you wanted?

Oh I'd forgotten "mundanes". I feel a bit nostalgic...

If your comfort is dependent upon my sexual desire then darling, more fool you..,
Followed by...I'm not particularly scornful of those who believe/practise sexual fidelity.
Piss off, you're being boorish.

I guess I don't understand how sexual fidelity is so akin to love to somany on this board.

I don't think sexual fidelity is akin to love so much as honesty is.

Where there are lies and deception there cannot be love.

It's about keeping all the available resources exclusively for your own offspring.
Sleeping with other people is fine but carries the risk of more offspring with someone else, thus reducing the availability of resources for the first lot.

What Laurie said. I have desired others during my marriage. To the point of limerence perhaps at times. I feel incredibly guilty about it. Am I not normal? Or do I just not love my H? (Which I dont, haven't for a while but for other reasons).

Lamentably, I am no longer nineteen

Irrespective of your interest in my sexual proclivities, I was rather more interested in why sexual fidelity is so essential to the majority here on the relationships board.

It appears to cause a myriad of problems;

I'm genuinely perplexed is all.

With regards to paternity/STDs it's not difficult to choose who fathers your children, practicing the sympto thermal method of FAM and abstinence at the appropriate times works almost infallibly.

Regular sexual health check ups and barrier methods will prevent against STDs.

As for emotional attachment/connection; I don't experience this from the purely physical act of sex, which is essentially exactly what it purports to be.
I love with my mind, not my sexual organs.

How is it that sex is so enmeshed with feeling for the majority of you?
By what mechanism?

I can't speak for others but the sexual aspect of my relationship is an extension of our emotional intimacy. I don't want that emotional/sexual intimacy with another person and neither does he. If he did decide he wanted sexual intimacy with another person he respects me enough to tell me and likewise. The way my husband describes it is that our sexual relationship is a special part of our relationship and it wouldn't feel special if I was sharing that part of me with other people. And I feel that too. I understand other people don't make or need that exclusivity and that's equally fine.

I'm curious how people with these needs develop into old age. The less old saggy bodies I have to see naked the better .

Yes, I agree. You sound like a pretentious windbag.

Irrespective of your interest in my sexual proclivities, I was rather more interested in why sexual fidelity is so essential to the majority here on the relationships board.

I've just told you. It's about nuclear family units and resources. What is that you're struggling with about that?

I think you're flogging a dead horse here. People have explained why sexual fidelity is important to them and there are lots of different reasons and explanations on here. The why behind those whys i.e. the mechanism as you describe it, is probably not one people can easily articulate or even know. I don't. But I do think of my sexual relationship with my partner as an extension and expression of our love, respect and connection with one another. I don't know why I link those emotions to sex with him, it just feels primal and inherent. I have had one night stands where the sex is fine but the emotions are not there and so for me it is lacking. I would rather all the emotions and therefore all the possible messy scenarios in order to have some of the most mind blowing sex. Why that's all linked, or how I came to link them, I can't tell you, but it works for me!

Slightly off topic but 'copulation' has to be the least sexy word ever.

Other than that 'meh' is about all I can muster, different people have different opinions on things including sexual monogamy.

You might get better answers if you didn't write like such a pretentious and sneering wanker HTH.

to be candid the post is in the spirit of enquiry, irrespective of your view of my particular articulation of the questions therein.

It genuinely perplexes me that so much importance is placed upon maintaining fidelity when so many of us apparently struggle to commit to it.