On line dating and (much) older men.

[coalfire]

I've tried so hard! I have rewritten my profile. I've put up smiley pictures. I am fifty and I have an age range of 46-58 for a possible mate. And yet ONLY MEN WHO ARE SIXTY PLUS CONTACT ME. With an average age of 65.

I don't want to have a seventy year old boyfriend in five years. I am sure there are lots of young seventy year olds. But as my last boyfriend was 36 it mean I will have effectively skipped over 35 years of men. by the time my kids are grown up I will have to start looking after my 75 year old partner.
I am not sure what to do. Or I am sure what to do. I should lie about my age. these men are no doubt lying about their age. Loads of them look around 101 anyway.
I am feeling so exhausted and cynical. I've been at this for months, and I think one 50 something has contacted me in this time.
What can I do? Any online dating sites you can recommend?

Seriously, are pert boobs and a good body that important to men? Like, seriously? WTF?

Sadly, I think that to many men, yes they are that important. Totally unfair of course, but what about love/sex is fair?

I think that as women become more economically powerful and sexually assertive, the May/December affair will become rarer and rarer. Until then, we can either choose to play the game (hit the gym, book for botox and practice our fluttery ingenue eyes) or alternatively go and hag out with our cats!!

Ps. Just to redress the balance a bit, I think it's worth pointing out that we women often have some pretty arbitrary and morally vacuous criteria for attraction. For example, I have heard many women say they wouldn't date a man who wasn't significantly taller than them.

I was just reading the profile of a man (5'6") and 46 and he said that age was kind of important to him and that he wasn't interested in anybody over forty. he was no looker this guy. but then he said ''you have to be over 30" ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

oh dear me.

Jesus its like an entitled twunts convention/club.

Lazy its not true of all men. Otherwise partners of women who have to have mastectomies would be leaving them in droves and they are not.

Yes, Helena you are right. There are many men who value love, loyalty and shared experience more than superficial beauty. But it seems that on OLD, where there is no pre-existing bond of affection, the more superficial concerns come to the fore.

This probably won't interest you but I'm going to mention it by way of comparison. There is a site where older women are very much in demand but it's a hook up site. Seems like older women are a bit of a fantasy for younger guys. I've met tons of guys off there - I'm 51. The first day I joined I got aprox 100 messages! However none of them are looking for a relationship. I've pretty much given up on the idea of a relationship, although I'd love one, men my own age as you've already said, either want much younger women or they're single for a good reason. So, if you just want a bit of fun, flirting and sex, it's very easy to get!

Mag it was intended to be a lighthearted comment in reply to the OP

My GBF tells me it's not unusual for women to come out of an unpleasant marriage and decide to try a relationship with a woman. I know two who have. My friend said he'd help me through it and support me if that was what I wanted, but in his heart of hearts he knew I wasn't gay. I knew, too.

So was mine!

Jesus its like an entitled twunts convention/club.

Lurve it! you do come up with 'em sometimes Helena;!

Depressing, isn't it, Coalface? I'd be a hit on OLD. If I were male.

My favourite Entitled Twunt was 50 and looked like the hairy bikers' ugly older brother. Personality-wise he had little going for him. It was a run of the mill profile at best. He added me to his favourites list but I couldn't contact him because he had a lock on women over 40 messaging him. Since I was a mere 7 years younger I wasn't good enough.

I have never dated an OLD man more than 6 years older. IM ONLY one woman but id be interested to know what other women's limits are. Entitled men send a lot of unanswered messages.

I had one guy keep on messaging me but he was 53. I replied politely to the third message and then he asked if his weight put me off him..... so he was fat too?? Hadnt noticed that from the head shots. I think some men must quite enjoy being rejected. It is a modern day "hunt".

I don't mind 10-15 yrs older if they're fit and if their preferred age range goes up as well as down. Age gaps don't bother me. Ageist men do as that trait often goes along with sexism and entitlement.

Lazy ive lost 10 stone and i hang out with my cat. Im married but even if i wasnt i wouldnt date an entitled man like that because if they find fault with weight they would certainly find fault with any amount of loose skin that may be left afterwards. Luckily i have very little. But enough for an Entitled Twunt to find fault.

On a more cheery note one of my neighbours in her late forties is about to move in with her partner of two years ....a younger John Simm lookalike!

Amazing weightloss, Helena. Here's to self-determination... and cats!!

I did OLD on and off over 2-3 years. Always met men my age or couple of years older. I'm mid-40s and never lie about age. Got many ridiculous messages from young 20 somethings (I've heard on here that's common too) but ignored those. Had a reasonable stream of dates and interest. Now dating someone I kind of met on Tinder but also knew vaguely in RL. Tinder and OKCupid both ok. I did get messages from old and unsuitable blokes or very crude messages from losers...I ignored them. Good luck!

Thanks Lazy

Neighbours new bloke is the spit of John Simm and a decade younger than her If you saw him you would be

When I did OLD a couple of years back I was mindful of the men who would rather date a woman 20 years younger than them than 1 year older. I had one like that contact me (telling me how beautiful I was and what a great body I had) and I took great delight in telling him that, according to his profile I was "too old", so thanks but no thanks. One of the things I found most attractive about my now BF's profile was that his upper and lower age limits were equal, so the same years younger as older than him. He stood out amongst the crowd for that. Incidentally, I'm a couple of years older than him (late 40s) and have been with him 2 years .

I was chatting in the pub recently and told a friend of a friend that setting your age limits to not include your own age was twattish.

He didn't seem to bothered by my opinion.

I wonder if these men realise that they are putting off younger women who don't like their ageism? Probably don't care as I doubt they like a woman with an opinion.

Inspired by this thread, I just replied to a man who messaged me on OKCupid with:

I don't think we want the same things. I am not interested in men whose age range of "women I want to meet" does not include their own age

I think you're right that he was not interested in a woman with an opinion.

Im late 30s, my age preferences are a few years younger to maybe 7 years older.

I get a good balance of age ranges who contact me, anywhere from early 20s to early 50s.

But so many of the early to mid 40s men totally rule themselves out by stating age preferences in the region of 21-38. So he may be in my "acceptable" age range and I may (just) be in his but it's so unattractive that he rules out anyone a similar age to himself. I couldn't bring myself to even respond.

To me, it's the equivalent of over-gelled estate agent hair...renders the owner utterly unattractive.

And really unmanly somehow.

If you think you would like to date a 21 year old, then I think I would not like to date you.

I have not done any OLD, but I had had a look at sites to reassure myself there are normal men out there. The most "normal" seem to have an age range based on their's being in the middle, unless they are very young (under 30) in which case, their's is at the top end.

I am intrigued when their own age is towards to bottom end of their preferred range.