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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Oh bloody hell [Images may be triggering - warning added by MNHQ]

296 replies

iamacompleteandutteridiot · 06/03/2016 11:42

Name changed. My face is scratched up to shit. Can't leave the house. He is a complete and utter bastard. Reported him so many times and the police don't care. Then again, I am a fool for continuing to see him.

OP posts:
SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/03/2016 17:23

It's ok OP. It's ok to be scared. This is a massive big deal. But just take a deep breath. One step.at a time. I am sure they willbe nice and even if they are not they (and anyone on this thread) have Fuck All right to judge you.

It is not your fault.

It is him . He's a prick.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 06/03/2016 17:25

Agreed, if he has admitted it by text the police can use that to charge him. Do not delete it.

MidnightVelvetthe5th · 06/03/2016 17:25

Glad to hear it :)

Ask them if its worthwhile keeping any texts he sends you xxxx

Well done, you are doing really well :)

Hissy · 06/03/2016 17:26

It's ok love, we're here, we know you're scared, it will be ok.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 06/03/2016 17:27

It is a scary situation and not one that any of us ever want to find ourselves in. Glad your DSis is in her way as well as the police. Try to stay calm and be clear about what actually happened, blow by blow. They will have lots of questions for you about his previous behaviour. Do not minimise it because this will allow them to gauge how dangerous he is. BrewThanks

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/03/2016 17:29

What he has done is terribleSad
It is hard to believe anyone would do that but people do. It is just your bad luck OP that you happened to.meet one of them.

It will get better though.

Stay safeFlowers

Marchate · 06/03/2016 17:31

Help will be with you soon

Tell them everything, and don't delete texts x

VegasIsBest · 06/03/2016 17:31

Glad to hear the police are taking this seriously and are on their way over. I'm sure talking to them will be difficult. Please try to be strong and tell them everything that has happened.

Sending you best wishes.

Original poster
iamacompleteandutteridiot · 06/03/2016 17:32

Why the hell did I put up with this? It's been going on for ages... I am a complete twat for not standing up for myself!! Even his childhood friends admit that he is absolutely crazy. Thank you, you lovely lot, for being here and mentally holding my hand. I don't think I would have reported it otherwise, despite the face. That makes me a complete wimp.

OP posts:
hedgehogsdontbite · 06/03/2016 17:32

I'm shocked by some of the responses you've had here OP. Try not to take them to heart. They're just a reflection of that poster's ignorance.

The most important thing for you to do now is to be kind to yourself.

Hennifer · 06/03/2016 17:36

I wonder if you can retrieve the deleted text? Do you have a deleted folder at all on your phone?

DartmoorDoughnut · 06/03/2016 17:36

Holding your hand OP and reiterating that you did nothing wrong, you did not deserve this you poor love and that arsehole bullying twat will get what's coming to him when the police arrest him.

You're doing amazingly Flowers

chubbymummy · 06/03/2016 17:36

Sweetheart you need to have a good hard think about why you're covering up for him instead of telling people how you got your injuries.
If you're serious about never getting back with him then the best thing you can do is tell people what he's done. Covering for him is like leaving the door open to let him back in your life at a later date.
If you stay with him, the next time he loses control like this you might not be so lucky.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/03/2016 17:37

And for posters rambling on about pressing/dropping charges in cases of assault it is either the PF, the police or the CPS who press charges not the victim. You cannot 'drop the charges' in an assault case AFAIK. The victim can withdraw support but the CPS may still prosecute. They (the CPS) are fully aware how difficult it is for victims of dv and that withdrawing support is often not the victims own choice nor in the best interests of justice.

So quit it with the victim blaming.

Redroses11 · 06/03/2016 17:38

No - you're not a wimp. Just vulnerable now. But the police will help you and we will help to support you in whatever tiny way we can. You're doing really well.

hedgehogsdontbite · 06/03/2016 17:40

You are not a twat at all. What people who haven't been abused don't understand the gradual erosion of boundaries. It's the old frog in a pot scenario. If you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water it will instantly jump out and save itself. But put that same frog in a pot of cold water and gradually turn up the temperature and it will stay there until it dies.

Added to that there's the 'I'm sorry, it'll never happen again'. You're not stupid for believing that because he's not lying. He absolutely means it at the time, that's why you believe. The problem is that it doesn't last.

It's not your fault.

VegasIsBest · 06/03/2016 17:41

OP - you're not a wimp. You're dealing with a horrible situation with someone you should have been able to trust. Of course this is going to be hard.

You're doing the right thing now in asking for help from the police and from people on here. I hope you have people in real life who can support you too - your feisty sister sounds like a good start.

Keep strong and stick up for yourself.

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/03/2016 17:41

No no OP. It does not make you a wimp.

It isn't your fault. I know I keep saying this and I will keep saying it because hard though it may be for your to believe right now, it's true.

What you are going through is incredibly difgicult, unfair and not your fault.

We are taught compromise and to believe in most situations there is fault on both sides. So we look to see where we went wrong. But not this time. He hit you. That is not your fault. There is no justification for what he has done.

You didn't deserve it.
You didn't ask for it.
There is nothing about you that made him do this to you.

He did this. He is wrong. Whatever is wrong is wrong with him.

Redroses11 · 06/03/2016 17:42

chubbymummy - do you go around parading bruises? Think!! She is not covering up for him. There is a lot of shame and guilt associated with victims of domestic violence. It is the OP's private business and not something to be paraded around like a scar of battle for all to commend/criticise/comment on or gossip about.

AyeAmarok · 06/03/2016 17:48

Hope the police get there soon

Just be completely honest with them. Tell them you want out of the relationship and need help.

Your injuries are bad. Don't minimise this.

Original poster
iamacompleteandutteridiot · 06/03/2016 17:51

Ok, he is being super clever with the texts... As in not texting anything that could incriminate him... Fucks sake. Now I am worried, what if the police think I am wasting their time???!!

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 06/03/2016 17:53

I'm so glad they're coming now op.

They're professionals, and will help you.

If you have that text, show them.

Best of luck, I'll be thinking of you.

BastardGoDarkly · 06/03/2016 17:53

He did say you deserved it for flirting though? Have you got that one?

VegasIsBest · 06/03/2016 17:53

Of course they won't think you're wasting their time. You've been assaulted and it's their job to help you.

HeyNonnyMaybe · 06/03/2016 17:54

Do you still have the text where he said you deserved it? It's not clear whether you deleted the text or his contact card.

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