DRY 11

[TeapotDictator]

Time for a shiny new thread.

Old thread here

Thanks Lucy, that means a lot coming from you

X post - Thanks to you too Teapot

Just wanted to address my thoughts on 'what's the difference between slipping and moderating'. When I slip I think 'shit. Right. Why? What triggers? How do I feel? What can I do next time?' If I were 'moderating' I would be thinking 'Yay me, just half a bottle tonight!' then I would be thinking about the next drink tomorrow. That is the difference for me. I want to abstain, not moderate because 'moderating' just means that drinking is still my focus.

But, that said, the DRY threads for me have been important precisely because they are warm and welcoming and I would not want anyone to think they cannot post about their struggles or successes.

I think the difference is the intention .... The posters here intend , truly intend to be completely abstinent... I don't frequent the BB any longer, but I felt the intention there was 'moderation' ....

There will be some slips, but all those who I have seen slip are a) looking at the triggers b) regret it c) back on the abstinence path and d) not intending to slip again?

That said lou , I am relatively new to this thread this time, and I had one big Huge slip from June 2014 till March 11th 2016 ...

Day 16 today ... Had a long chat with DP yesterday , after he looked into my recent Amazon purchases 'sober is the new black' , and 'the sober revolution' ... He was truly lovely and promised me 100% support, as well as covering for me in social situations so I don't have to explain myself at the moment. I just don want to listen to the " you can have just one" , or "why" , or " oh go on, it's my birthday / Easter / Friday night " etc ...

Keep going .... Xxx

Lily that sums it up perfectly - intent. That is exactly the sense I had when I revisited BB yesterday. I have absolutely no intention to drink. And tbh your experience reinforces exactly why one glass it would not be for me either because I am fairly certain I'd be AWOL for a long time if I drank. Both great books btw :)

Morning all! Sun is shining again here

I have only been on this thread as a poster for a short time, but for what it is worth I lurked on both this and the BB threads, dipping in and out of both for a year or more before I decided to take the plunge and stop drinking altogether. That followed a couple of dry months, and a complete failure to manage moderate drinking afterwards. I can now see quite clearly that I was mostly attracted to the BB thread when I was still in denial about alcohol, my relationship with it, and what I needed to do (quit!).

As a complete abstainer, there is no question that a thread for fellow abstainers - not moderators - is where I need to be.

While I had read the brave babes threads from the very beginning, I had never come across the original 'dry' thread, that someone linked above. I'm amazed to see how well the goals set out there match the vibe running through more recent threads, even 3 years on. I am so grateful to the OP (I'm so sorry I have forgotten your user name but you are on this thread!) of what would become the Dry threads for creating and sharing that space here.

So that's how I feel.

Have a lovely Easter Sunday all x

Just to add that I count the lovely Matron and the others who have slipped, picked themselves up, learned from the experience, and jumped right back in among fellow abstainers. As Lily and Lucy point out, it's all about the intention. They seem a lovely bunch, but there is way too much skirting around the issue in BB for me - if you have a problem with an addictive substance, moderating is going the be the hardest thing in the world, and no amount of hugs 'n platitudes is going to change that.

Lily thanks for putting into words so succinctly, exactly what I tried to last night. The same sentiment is there amongst my rambling long post, I promise

As I also pointed out last night, before the existence of this thread there will be long term non drinkers, who's intention was always so, possibly lurking right now and possibly posting here (hello if you're there) who will have slipped at times towards their success in complete sobriety. They would have given anything for the existence of a thread such as this in their early days, or even the opportunity to create one if it was at a time before the existence of social networking. (Not that long ago actually)

In actual fact I very much doubt there is a single individual who has had a problem relationship with alcohol and successfully become a happy non drinker, that hasn't ever had a single slip, big or small, following a decision or desire to quit completely. But I stand to be corrected and respect to anyone who has never had a slip

Lou, Good luck with whatever you decide to do and if that is the intention or goal to be a non drinker, then I for one look forward to reading your posts and will offer support where I can, without judgement.
I have certainly enjoyed the opportunity for the period of reflection your posts have given me with regards to myself and I'm even more proud of my inner strength, so for that I am very grateful to you.

For now, I've said all I've got to say on this topic but I will read any further posts with regards to it with an open heart and mind.

Happy Easter all, keep on Sober Warriors.

I am here. I have survived, today was so so hard - family lunch and I so so so wanted to drink. But I didn't and my darling DP covered me by drinking my 'obligatory ' welcome champagne , surreptitiously with moving glasses ... Then I was the designated driver, but my goodness I was agitated, anxious and edgy,

Love to you all, I am safe in bed, day 16 complete because I did NOT DRINK.

Will post more supportive thoughts tomorrow. For now I'm done in xxxx

Lily x

Hello all!

Just typed a long post and lost it. Am on holiday with tiny phone and crappy wifi. Anyway.

Lily, well done regarding the family lunch!

Yes, I think this thread is for those of us whose intention is not to drink alcohol any more.

Howbad, I'm so pleased you started these threads. I was so struck by your honesty when you started the first one as Mildred. I was still I'm denial then, but I lurked and you made a huge difference to me.

I wrote more before! This is the gist of it.
Happy belated Easter everyone!

Well done Lily!!! Yes, I also am grateful to HowBad for starting these threads also. I lurked for ages also... when I first read the aim was to abstain completely I thought 'Hmph. How hard core'. Then read with interest (and denial). :)

Abstaining is for me.

AA meeting today. Plus some gardening. What plans for everyone?

Happy Monday Sober Warriors.

Oh... forgot to add..... people often talk of 'drinking dreams' I had a 'non-drinking' dream. i dreamt I went to an art opening an asked for a virgin bloody mary. And was thrilled to be drinking it and felt kind of smug. :)

Woke up feeling good. :)

Morning all, got back late last night. I also survived but found it very draining. Very busy during the day - most of which was fun, my forest school teacher friend took me and four of the kids on an adventure and made a campfire and cooked sausages, they LOVED it - but evenings were difficult. Went to bed early basically, listened to my relaxation stuff, didn't want alcohol and did at the same time. Am so glad to be home even though I now have tons of stuff to be getting on with - got workmen in as of next week, kids on holiday and looks like I will be squeezing in one of the cousins for a week in response to a childcare emergency. Might have to sleep in the garage at this rate!! Glad to be sober and not hungover though.

Hi all! Well done to those getting through challenging events

I think it was 'mummy was a secret drinker' that wrote a really good blog post about getting sober experiences and memories under your belt. Each new one (or each first - first trip to the pub, first weekend, first holiday, first Xmas) is a little tricky, maybe worrying, but the more you get, the easier each subsequent experience is.

Having a slow start here, still in my pjs perhaps a trip to the recycle centre later to get shot of some clutter

Today was hard again,

Well done to everyone who made it through. I had 9 for lunch, and would normally have started on the wine at 12 on the dot ... Today I served wine, champagne, beer to my guests,, and I drank fizzy water and squash. I feel good now, but exhausted !

Much love to you all.
Nothing to give right now , but I am thinking of you and holding you all in my thoughts xxxx

lily it is hard work hosting and cooking and having everyone else drinking, so really you did an amazing job. We had people over on Saturday, and I cooked everything and to be honest I had to offer to drive them home a few days before they came (about 10 miles from us) in order to have some extra reassurance. I found it a bit of an ordeal.

jo the forest adevtntures sound great! It inspired me and there are some forest days for children not too far from us, so I hope to pursue. Thanks. :)

All okay here. I am taking DS to a soft play/outdoor farm that he loves in the hope he can play for a good long while as I have a project to edit for work which I hope to do at the same time. Then lunch somewhere.

Hello All,
I have just registered and this is my first post on MN but I have been lurking for a while now.
I have slowly come to the realisation that I'm a problem drinker and need to knock it on the head, you ladies have inspired me to do it so thank you .
I am on day 2 and have given whatever alcohol I had in my house away.
Feeling ok just tired and like my glands in my neck are a little swollen, anyway hope you don't mind me just diving in.

Welcome Boodles I want to tell you that it's ok. It really is. As you will have read I veer from over sharing to lurking to miserable/angry/vulnerable/smug and everything else in between (including slippery).

Today I am pink clouding it. Life is just good

The first week you may feel physically exhausted and mentally drained. Make sure you eat well and rest x

Hello matron Thank you for the welcome .
Pink clouding sounds fabulous!
I've gotten this far before and have given up on day 4/5 ish as I get scared of feeling like crap so right now I'm just focusing on getting over the weekend and trying to drink lots of water.
I think I read on here about vit b and milk thistle I will stock up on them I think.
Thanks again for the welcome x

Welcome Boodles Congrats on day 2! Yep vit b complex & milk thistle are a great start. I take high strength vit c, multi-vits & omega oils too. Plus L-glutamine can help with cravings. You are recovering from alcohol poisoning so dose yourself up and what you don't need you'll pee out anyway :)

Hi Boodles congrats & welcome . Definitely get your sober first aid kit - perhaps supplements, nice soft drinks, distractions, nibbles, pjs - at the ready!!

Boodles I feel like commiting to abstinence did not start for me on the first dry day. On reflection it started over 2 years ago with dry January and lots of internal discussion that I had no idea at the time was leading me in this direction but here I am.

I am working on giving myself over to the decision rather than fighting it.

Get yourself a good box set lined up and some bath salts. We all seem to get in the bath a lot!

Hi lucy and fuzzy thanks so much.
I've stocked up on - Vit B, fizzy berocca type multivits, kalms, flavoured water and some posh herbal teas. I couldn't find Milk thistle but was starting to get frazzled in the supermarket with Dd ans Ds .
There's plenty of chocolate left over so I should be ok if I get sugar cravings! Let the journey commence!

matron That sounds so much like how I've been battling with it for quite a few years now myself. Promising myself I'm going to stop then somehow talking myself into just at the weekend or just after 7pm or just when....but the reality is I just cannot do that I start of ok and then I'm back to 1 (or more)!! bottles per night.
This time I have got to do it I'm wasting so much of mine and Dc's lives by being drunk or hungover . Mental health suffers massively too.
I think I'll be spending alot of time in the bath reading and re reading this thread so the bath Salts will definitely come in handy

Boodles welcome to the thread and a new adventure for you. Well done on making a great decision.
Some of us, me included have benefited massively from Andrew Johnson's quit drinking app which you can listen to on either sleep mode or wake mode. Just google it if it is something you fancy trying. It costs about £2.50 tops. He recommends you listen to it once a day for a minimum of three weeks.
If it's not for you, fair enough but it seems to have helped me an awful lot.
I can't moderate either. In a way, I've found incredible freedom in just admitting to myself that the only answer for me is to completely quit. Don't have think about it that way......I had a slight wobble last week after 3 months AF, when I was abroad on holiday in the sunshine but it was more the "romantic ideal" than the actually reality and I was straight back onto non drinking within 8 hours, having learnt a lot from it
Good luck!!