I've been put off OLD for life after this

[Jaffacakesaremyfave]

Met a guy from Tinder about 1 month ago and we went on 2 dates over a 3 week period. He was the first person I'd met up with and although I didn't fancy him on our first date, I thought he seemed really sweet and we seemed to get on so I agreed to a second date.

On said 2nd date it became clear he was desperate to settle down and have children which is not something I'm looking for at the moment and made this clear through our conversations. He took me segwaying (sorry not sure how to spell) and I borrowed his jumper (horrible G raw hoody not a cashmere sweater or anything) as it was cold and then we went for dinner which I offered to pay for which he declined.

Anyway, I decided soon after that we weren't looking for the same things and there were a few other things he had said which creeped me out abit so I sent a nice txt explaining this and wishing him well.

Since then he has sent me a few texts offering to pick his jumper up but it's always been when my children are at home and I don't want him near my house. The first chance I'd had to drop it off was this weekend so I said I would drop it off around 7. He agreed and asked me if I wanted to come inside for a cup of tea but I politely declined as I was going to my friends house and just passing by (plus he creeped me out).

I was running late and got to his about 7.45pm. He hadn't mentioned he was going out so didn't think it would be an issue to be abit late, plus was only dropping off a bloody jumper!! I said hi, told him I was in a rush so gave the jumper and he made a comment under his breath as he walked away about me being late etc. I just shrugged it off and drove away then arrived at my friends house to this lovely text....

'Ur funny.. honestly.. I take u out twice spend probably the best part of £250 and then I get a "sorry I'm not ready speech".. then u feed me bullshit about returning my things.. I was nothing but nice to you Jaffa and if this is how u treat people well it's no surprise to me that ur single. U were really rude before and I didnt deserve that.. what did I do to you? U changed in an instance. Glad I found out what u were really like early, before I wasted anymore time on you. Date tonight with someone who actually does mean what she says. Good luck Jaffa as believe me with ur attitude and bullshit stories ur gonna need it love.'

I feel really creeped out, I don't know why this has upset me so much. He lives a short walk from my house and knows where I live. I can't believe my judge of character is so way off too, usually I can spot a creep from a mile away!!

Why do guys like this think they have the right to be horrible just because they spent abit of money on a date and didn't get sex at the end? I'm ready to give up on dating for a while as this was so aggressive and unwarranted. He's 38 for god sake!!!

Has anyone else experienced this?

Jaffa (and others), you're assuming that by asking you in for a cuppa that what he was actually saying was "fancy coming in for a shag?" Of course dating usually leads to sex so it is something that people hope will happen at some stage, but we will never know what his intentions were when asking you in for a cuppa. Also that he got upset about how much he spent on you because he was hoping there was a future with you (yes, I'm assuming including sex at some stage). He probably assumed that you were interested in him because otherwise no way would you have let him pay. He saw mixed signals and got the hump.

"I was late and for that I can only apologise. I would have apologised if he had said something along the lines of 'Jaffa, you were late and this was very rude'."
So you're saying you only apologise if the person seems pissed off?! You should be apologising straight away! I hate being late for people so I would've done the following:

Me: [text] sorry, I'm running late, not going to be able to make 7pm. Can we make it later, say 7.45? Is that OK with you or would rearranging it be more convenient?

Then when I arrived "Really sorry I'm late! Got held up..."

Plus it's pointless getting into competitive rudeness RE which was worse, the lateness or his text. You were both rude, but you started it.

Hmmm your not wanting him to meet your children if of course reasonable, but in this case it was mingled with your never wanting to have anything to do with this bloke again, and I can imagine that being hurtful, especially if he is as oversensitive as you say. In your shoes I would have found a way to return the jumper pronto because not everyone has loads of clothes (i don't) and it's never nice to be blown off so you may as well not give the impression that you don't give a damn while you're doing it.

You do find that people who should have received an apology but didn't then become more angry than the original offence seems to merit. I think it's because you've not only caused hurt but you've then caused further hurt by not caring about that either. It's not very nice to be treated like an important first date one minute and a leper the next, especially if he's not the most stable person in the world.I just advocate being nicer, and you might find other people are too.

I think you actually suit the world of old perfectly because you can cut all ties suddenly and ruthlessly. Unpleasant to be on the other end of though. As someone who met my dh that way, can I suggest you don't give out your address so easily next time.

This bloke was from a town near Sheffield (as in 50 miles or so) so don't think it's the same one. That means there are more of them out there

I really don't think being 45 mins late makes me a bad person and means I treat people badly. It makes me a tired, stressed, busy person who was trying to get my children ready and out the house on time but I failed, I didn't even have time to send a sorry I'm late txt because I was trying to sort out the kids.

I was late arriving at my friends house too but she didn't hurl abuse at me even though I didn't text to say I was running late. She did offer me a cup of tea though

That is just nonsense that you didn't have time to text that you were running late. It takes SECONDS.

You can argue that 45 minutes late isn't needing of a text if you like - but don't say you didn't have time!!

And you're comparing again behaviour with a near stranger with a friend! You didn't need to text her because she already knows you and presumably would guess you'd been held up.

He is totally out of order with his message, but you shouldn't come out with some lame excuse of not having time to TEXT!

Did anyone say you were a bad person?

Not directly Lost but you have implied it by suggesting I be 'nicer' and that you would have decided I was 'spoilt' and that I'm 'rude' etc. Sounds like you don't think I'm a nice person because I didn't text to say I was late and didn't return the jumper straight away.

Anyway, I've bored myself with this thread now, I feel all I am doing now is defending being late when I still don't think that warranted the text I received from the creep guy.

Thank you to everyone who has posted supportive/constructive comments. I will certainly not be allowing men to pay for dates, giving out my address or borrowing a jumper ever again

I'm off for a cup of tea

Here ya go, Jaffa

Well, a bad person is thoroughly bad but I don't think you were even aiming for nice where this bloke was concerned.

Jaffa! Join us on dating thread. We are all 100% lovely and we would advised cutting that lunatic adrift before u felt burnt for life. We run things past each other, support, advise, laugh, enjoy eacch other's fleeting successes!!

'Nicer'

Op you laundered and returned his top for him so what if you were late.

I think you've been extremely nice.

I would have posted it back

Plus, he was at home, not sitting alone in a bar waiting!

You should have rocked up wearing it with a couple of egg stains down it and just took it off on to step....

Sorry I'm having an immature morning