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Original poster

Handing down baby clothes but recipient ungrateful

123 replies

elizabennett1 · 28/02/2016 07:36

Hi ladies just having a bit of a vent I guess. I've recently packed up my four months old newborn, 0 to 1 month and 0 to 3 month baby clothes. It was mainly good stuff from next, marks and spencer, m and co, designers at debenhams, as well as some more worn baby grows etc from supermarkets. Some of it had never even been worn by my baby. It was quite hard to do this but I thought I would pass it on to my husbands brother and his partner who are having a baby as they said they wanted any hand me downs going and the clothes were so lovely I didn't want them going to waste.
I do want another child but not for a while so thought I won't hang onto it and she can always let me have some of it back after using it as so much stuff!
However I found it quite hard to hand it over but did so to my brother in law, bags and bags of stuff.
This was over a week ago and she has not been in touch at all to say thank you! I have a little girl and she is having a little girl so I thought she would be really grateful for so much stuff in nice clean condition! But no nothing not even a text!!
She can be a funny girl but if someone had done that for me when I was expecting I would have been super grateful! It's made me regret giving the stuff away now and I wish I'd hung onto it for my next one or one of my more grateful friends. The brother wasn't particularly grateful either but I thought men don't necessarily know how much clothes are etc !

Am I right to be miffed?

OP posts:

phequer · 28/02/2016 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/02/2016 12:06

Second hand baby clothes are not high value item. They may have a sentimentally high value but they are not a expensive gift.

Moses baskets struggle to sell around here unless they are those fancy solid cocoon type ones a normal one will hang around on a selling site for ages if it's priced at a tenner or more.

Huge bags of clothes as in 40 items around here go for around £20 for the lot.
People list next stuff for more but it only goes at higher prices if it looks like it hasn't been used. Joules tends to get sold individually.

You have the bags then people want you to photograph each item and faff about loads.its a huge ball ache.

Switchitup · 28/02/2016 14:10

Phequer I think some people do see it as an opportunity to foist their unwanted stuff on people. When people offered me hand me downs (not often as my dc are the youngest in the family after a big gap) I just gave a polite no thank you, but I can see how you might have been too polite to do so when your younger.

On another note I seen somebody on Facebook this week trying to flog a load of old baby clothes for £150! The picture was just all the clothes jumbled on a bed and it was the usual high street brands. Deluded.

OliviaDunham · 28/02/2016 14:36

OP for what it's worth, if my ILs send stuff for the DCs, I always text to say thanks, regardless of my DH thanking them, it's just polite. It would annoy me too.

ladylambkin · 28/02/2016 15:38

I was given hand me downs for my child and was given so much it overwhelmed me. I the end I didn't even use half of it as it was either the wrong season (my child was a winter baby hers was a summer) or to be honest they were past their best.

BIL thanked you. That should be enough in my opinion

Choceclair123 · 28/02/2016 15:46

Can you just send her a text and say your husband gave her DH the wrong bag and just swap it for a smaller selection of items? Personally I think they sound ungrateful. Whether they want them or not it's not difficult to say thank you is it?! I'm very attached to my baby clothes so don't think I'll be giving mine away.

StealthPolarBear · 28/02/2016 15:54

Olivia does your dh thank your parents I'd they give the dc something?

ivykaty44 · 28/02/2016 16:14

Op I think you held more to the baby clothes than the other person receiving them did and the problem is that they genuinely wouldn't have realised their mistake.

The BIL went home having said thanks and they probably didn't realise the g/f needed to also says thanks.

I agree that a a text from her to also says thanks - as it was a present for both of them, would have been nice.

Why don't you text and ask if she liked the clothes?

jaxxie35 · 28/02/2016 16:15

Dear OP
You did a very nice thing......not only did you lovingly care for and launder all those lovely baby clothes.......you passed them on to family to use even though you obviously cherished them and felt they were a huge part of your babies life.......I have read some of the responses on this post and wonder if I have stepped into an altered universe where people find it acceptable not to say thanks for something.....its just RUDE!! I was brought up with manners......and yes she should have acknowledged the fact that you did pass on the clothes for her baby.....you have probably saved her a small fortune...which she will discover herself when she goes baby clothes shopping!!!!! If indeed she is feeling as though you have 'overwhelmed' her with such generosity she could always return them.....you are certainly not being unreasonable to expect a grateful thank you text or a phone call..........try not to let it worry you too much.....it is probably nothing personal against you...they maybe do not understand how hard it was for you to part with the clothes.....tuck this one away for experience....have a nice day x

newyear16 · 28/02/2016 16:16

To be charitable to the sil, if she has a newborn she maybe so preoccupied with the baby that she doesnthVe time to think, never mind text her thanks
We wereeeally, really hard up when we had our first dc and I was gratwful for any hand downs offered. I found it v difficult to part with my firstborn clothes and still have a few items nearly 20 years later. Ive only just free cycled the pram, high chair and cot bexause I doubt any future grandchildren will use them

newyear16 · 28/02/2016 16:18

Jaxxie I couldnt agree more with your post

Focusfocus · 28/02/2016 16:29

Not sure why it's down to the woman to do the thanking and why you aren't expecting a thank you from either parent? Would it have to be a thanks from SIL or would know form the dad do?

OliviaDunham · 28/02/2016 16:54

Stealth yes he does.

StealthPolarBear · 28/02/2016 16:57

Maybe dh and I need to up our game then.

madwomanbackintheattic · 28/02/2016 17:08

This is all a bit boggly. I have handed over literally hundreds and hundreds of items of baby clothes, kids clothes of all ages. I don't think I've ever had, nor expected a specific and articulated 'thank you' at all. It had never occurred to me to expect one. As far as I am concerned, giving stuff away is to get it out of my house as it is no longer (or not currently) required.
Thinking really hard, people probably said 'oh cheers' and threw it in the back of the car.
Then later, if I see baby or kid wearing stuff, I'd be chuffed that it was getting some use and I had done a nice thing.
Life is way too short to get upset over this stuff. Keep the items that have special memories and happily send the rest on their way to make some other families life easier. Then get on with your own life and enjoy your wee dd. don't waste time ruining your own life by angsting over an expected level of gratitude.

AStreetcarNamedBob · 29/02/2016 05:29

I suspect if OP had given the clothes directly to SIL and she had said thank you, the OP WOULDNT have started a thread about the ungrateful BIL who hasn't text yet

This whole thread is a horrible example of wife work expectations and I feel sorry for the SIL.

NerrSnerr · 29/02/2016 06:28

Bil said thank you, that should be enough. We got given hand me downs from friends and we thanked when they were given and we thanked them again after the birth with a card.

Focusfocus · 29/02/2016 06:47

This is happening due to -

Feelings about the clothes
The SIL figure being always apt for critique
The usual sexist expectations that the wifey in the couple is the one to deal with presents/thanks/invites/all such wimminly wimmins matters.

cavedescreux · 29/02/2016 10:26

Agree with all the PPs about "wife work"... SIL probably has no idea she's done anything wrong!

Focusfocus · 29/02/2016 16:17

The op isn't coming back perhaps...

AStreetcarNamedBob · 01/03/2016 06:42

The op didn't enjoy nobody agreeing with her that's why

Cabrinha · 01/03/2016 08:18

Absolutely spot on Streetcar - no way would OP have started a thread if BIL (the actual blood relative of her baby's father) hadn't sent a thank you when the clothes went to his wife.

A text from her would have been nice. But the thank you is dealt with on the handover.

Also... going to sound like such a snob now... a baby outfit from Next is no big deal. Have you seen the pennies that huge bundles of Next clothes go for on eBay? It's sentimental to the OP, and saves a fortune on buying new. But it also let's the OP have a clear out and the market value is really really low.

wallywobbles · 01/03/2016 08:30

I think you will get to the stage when you are thrilled to see the back of the endless clothes small people produce.

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