Do you think he is lying?

[Angry009]

Me and my boyfriend have lived together for 9 months since our daughter was born.
He works night shift and now is saying he can't sleep here as its too noisy.
Although she never crys a lot and is at nursery 3 days.
I said il go to my mums during day so he can sleep but he says no il go to my mums instead.
So basically he goes to work at 10pm and finishes at 7am then goes straight to his mums house.
Comes here 6pm the next day till 10pm then goes to work.
Its like he doesn't live here.
He never wanted to move on really until our little girl was born.
This has only started the last few weeks.
Do you think it's strange?
It's like he is back at his mums place.

I think it's very odd. Do you think he's hiding something & using the noise as an excuse?

I would be concerned that he was no longer very invested in the relationship, yes.

Have there been any other signs that he might want out?

Did you have suspicions before he came up with this idea?
He's either lying or behaving like a mummys boy - either way, not great.

He has moved back to his mum's. Eventually you won't see him in the evenings either. He has opted out of adult life

Do you manage okay by yourself?

Yeah I'm really independent luckily.
Can manage fine with my little girl.
I do everything anyway.
It's just weird it's like it's gone back to how it is was before she was born.
I've walked past his mums today on my way into town and his car is in the drive.
It feels odd.

Doesn't sound good. I wouldn't necessarily assume cheating but it definitely seems as if he wants out of the relationship.

i just think you have been doing nights for the last 9 months and sleeping here so what's changed.
Don't wana cause a argument.

So he's sleeping from 7 am to 6 pm?!

What's he doing on his days off? Is he with you then?

Is he quite young?

I think he has checked out of responsibility

I will add that when my partner, with whom I had a small child, decided to stay the night less often and not move in, he told me he was sleeping at a work friend's house but he was actually living with someone else.

It was pretty horrible.

I hope it isn't that.

Do you wait on him hand and foot? It's easier at his mum's house, no doubt.

What would happen if you asked him if he wanted to move out permanently?

He'a not your DP and is a bad parent to boot. Best off without him.

You are, I mean, he can still pay for and spend time with his DC if you're not together.

You said he didn't want to move on. Was the pregnancy planned? Did he feel obliged to move in? How long have you been together? How old are you both?

He is 35.
Normally days off he takes our daughter to his mums place and she spends time with her and he will watch footy or whatever is on.
Some days il go to his mums with him.

I'm 33 myself so not exactly a spring chicken anymore.
He is a teenager trapped in a mans body at times.
Loves being a dad but kind of hates responsibility

Been together 5 years now.
On and off anyway.
Lots of arguments along the way.
Still no engagement ring :-(

Oh wow, he's a proper man-child isn't he. Does he give you any money at all?

Poor you x

Tbh op if I were you I'd cut my losses and move on instead of playing his daft games.

I'm afraid it sounds to me like he wants to opt out of the responsibility of parenthood. So when you aren't looking after DD, he takes her round his mums.
I'd sit down & have a long think about what you get out of the relationship and how you would like it to be.
If there is no 'give from him, you'd be happier on your own. I'm sure.

To be fair, if your relationship was so on and off did you think a child would help? An engagement ring is the least of your problems - did you honestly expect one? He's not even with you, can't you see that? You seem very naive for a 33 year old. You do realise you're a single mum now, don't you?

Yes he does.
I can't say he doesn't.
He buys our little girl all kinds.
He won't go into town without buying her clothes etc.
He pays the bills etc.
Buys new things around the house.
I just think he likes to come and go as he pleases.
It annoys me that he doesn't come home after work tho.

I thought eventually he would grow up.
Maybe I'm having a bad day and that's why I'm venting.
I don't have the luxury of just walking out for hours on end.
If I'm tired I suck it up and be tired.
I work part time too and there's been times I've went in half zombie.

My opinion, don't tie yourself to this man. It's not worth returning to the arguments. Let him live with his mum, stay as friendly as possible in a polite, not close way, and raise your daughter separately

Meanwhile disentangle any finances you may have together. If you've never had joint accounts, tenancy etc, all the easier

You'll be fine

Well, that is a good thing. He is clearly invested in his daughter's wellbeing, but it sounds like he doesn't really enjoy doing parenting as a couple, with you.

How do you feel about him? Would you be happy to move on - it might make the boundaries clearer if you discussed him moving out properly, and access and so on.