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Original poster

Do you think he is lying?

80 replies

Angry009 · 24/02/2016 13:14

Me and my boyfriend have lived together for 9 months since our daughter was born.
He works night shift and now is saying he can't sleep here as its too noisy.
Although she never crys a lot and is at nursery 3 days.
I said il go to my mums during day so he can sleep but he says no il go to my mums instead.
So basically he goes to work at 10pm and finishes at 7am then goes straight to his mums house.
Comes here 6pm the next day till 10pm then goes to work.
Its like he doesn't live here.
He never wanted to move on really until our little girl was born.
This has only started the last few weeks.
Do you think it's strange?
It's like he is back at his mums place.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 24/02/2016 13:39

I don't think he's invested in his daughter at all. He buys her clothes as if she were a doll, but he sleeps in a different building and/or palms her off on his mother to avoid any actual parenting.

Original poster
Angry009 · 24/02/2016 13:39

I am still in love with him.
Might sounds a bit cliche but he means the world to me.
I don't know if he wants out and this is his way of doing it.
He has cheated in the past and I forgave him.
That's done now he said it was a mistake and it was just for a ego boost etc.
It's still I fill guilty asking him if I can have a night out.
Even tho I know he will be ok with that watching her.
I still feel niggly about asking.

OP posts:
VoldysGoneMouldy · 24/02/2016 13:46

Being a dad is about having responsibility. If you like you decorate a child with nice clothes, but don't like your life having altered in any way, then you don't like being a date - you like having an accessory.

He is not interested in his daughter, or in you, or in this relationship.

I'd say he was acting like a teenager, but frankly I know better teenagers.

On top of that he has cheated on you in the past.

You deserve better than this Flowers

pickmeupputmedown · 24/02/2016 13:46

Sorry but it does sound like he is checking out of his relationship with you. For your own peace of mind, you will have to sit him down and ask the question. It's great that he provides for his daughter and that will make things easier in the long run if you do separate. I know unrequited love hurts but it's better for you to know now rather than years down the line.

Original poster
Angry009 · 24/02/2016 13:49

I think I've buried my head in the sand for a while.
This has been the catalyst into me wondering what the hell does he want.
One good thing I know he will be a good dad and will put her first regardless.
I don't want my child in a broken home.Reality isn't living up to fantasy.

OP posts:
MrsSeanBean · 24/02/2016 13:54

Go sounds like immaturity coupled with being overwhelmed at the responsibility. He might not necessarily want out of the relationship, but you need to tell him how you feel. Flowers

Badders123 · 24/02/2016 13:55

You are wasting your time.
He has already left you, you just haven't realised it yet :(

nevertakeyouriphoneinthebath · 24/02/2016 13:59

Was your PG planned or not? If you've been together 5 years and you didn't live together before you were pregnant then I suspect he is one of life's serial commitment-phobes who was never going to ask you to move in or to marry him because he was quite happy with things going on forever as they were.

Did you hope this pregnancy would galvanise him into making a commitment? Because I don't think it's worked. Sad

Binders1 · 24/02/2016 14:01

I thought he was about 20! Ask him how he thinks other men with partners and children on his shift cope with it and whether they go off to mummy's house to sleep?! Sounds likes he neither wants to be in a relationship or be a dad. Buying you dd clothes and paying for things and passing her onto his DM when he has her does not make a good dad.

bessiebumptious2 · 24/02/2016 14:02

I do have to wonder what his own mother is thinking, letting him do this. Mine would maybe let me catch up on sleep for a day but no way would it be a more permanent thing if I had a child to consider. She'd send me back faster than a fast thing and tell me to grow up.

I'd be asking his mother what on earth she's thinking in enabling her middle aged son to relinquish his responsibilities. He needs to man up and if he wants out of your relationship then he needs to deal with that like an adult.

Original poster
Angry009 · 24/02/2016 14:04

When we met 5 years ago he was a typical Jack the lad.
Loved the ladies.
I guess I thought after 5 years things would be different especially 1 child later.

OP posts:
VoldysGoneMouldy · 24/02/2016 14:04

He's already shown you what he wants, sweetheart.

Being a single parent really is fine. I know the stigma is there, but so many of us have done it. And in reality, you already are.

ImperialBlether · 24/02/2016 14:10

Maybe he needs a shock to make him grow up. How you react now to his living with his mum (the big bloody baby) will determine what happens to your relationship.

Katemustsew · 24/02/2016 14:13

Look into your heart, is he there for you?
Being in a relationship with a child, is not just about being there for the child. It is a partnership, if you are to last you have to asses weather you are both on the same wavelength , in regards to what a serious committed partnership is. Paying the bills is good , but spending time together , investing in the well being of each other selflessly is better.
I know this sounds a bit hippie.
I was in a relationship at 33 ,desperate for a baby , I ignored my inner voice and got pregnant. He was "happy" but not really invested. I knew that it would be me that would have to take the lead in everything , job , responsibility etc I did not want that ( he would be along for the ride), I wanted companionship, commitment a grown up relationship a proper partner. I left . He chose not meet his son until he was 9 months old. Failed to even turn up to register birth. So his name is not on birth certificate.
Have a long cold look at what you want. From life and from the father of your daughter.
Good luck

Duckdeamon · 24/02/2016 14:16

You should have got out of this terrible relationship years ago, and should do so now. Why have you put up with all that shit? Do you want to continue to do so?

Loving him isn't going to make him a decent partner.

He can financially support and spend time with his child whilst living separately.

Duckdeamon · 24/02/2016 14:17

This bloke isn't likely to change given the history.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 24/02/2016 14:22

You and your dd deserve better than this.

If he really loved her and you he would want to live in the family home. Your home isn't his. His mummies house his his home.

He basically buys you off to get you to STFU. What time does your dd go bed? What real quality time does he spend with you both? When he comes to yours does sit in his arse or does he help with chores, bath baby, feed baby, wash pots? Does he eat a family meal every evening or does mummy do his tea?

Wake up. You might love him but his priorities are not you and dd. He doesn't want to live with his child and his partner.

Do you claim benefits for living as a single mother , does he pay proper CS or does he give you just enough money to keep you quiet and in your little box.

I brought dd1 up for 15 years as her father was crap. It was tough but millions of women do it.

Don't settle for this shit for you and dd

Secretlove · 24/02/2016 14:22

How can you say he will be a 'good dad' and will put his daughter first no matter what? He spends most of his time asleep, working, or watching the football. Plus he has now left you. That is not a good father or partner.

Original poster
Angry009 · 24/02/2016 14:23

Il be honest I was massively broody.
Had been for years.
I do love him and thought he would knock the teenager behaviour on its head but alas no change.
He works hard 50 hours a week so is always knackered.

OP posts:
Chocolatteaddict1 · 24/02/2016 14:24

What he is doing is keeping you sweet so you don't meet anyone else

Chocolatteaddict1 · 24/02/2016 14:27

My Dh is always knackard and he does 60+ hours a week but he loves us and wants to be part of our family unit. No way would he leave - for sleep Hmm

Original poster
Angry009 · 24/02/2016 14:27

No once he moved in we changed the tenancy to both our names.
Like I say it's only last few weeks he is complaining of not sleeping properly here.
I think I've never had a proper realtionship apart from him so I don't know what's right and wrong.
I don't want to get agg with Him and be a nagg but at the same time I think if it wasn't for our daughter would he be here with me at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angry009 · 24/02/2016 14:29

Yeah he does bath and feed her.
Plays with her etc.

OP posts:
Chocolatteaddict1 · 24/02/2016 14:31

Trust your gut. You both deserve better.

if it feels wrong it probally is. When your in a good healthy relasionship you will know it. It feels safe, loved and secure.

tma1968 · 24/02/2016 14:34

i would love it if my man child husband went back to his parents house and popped in now and then!! my life would be more peaceful, less chaotic and we would get along much better. hes worked away so i speak from experience. i think we all spend far too much time worrying about how our lives "should be" instead of what works best. if its help with your daughter that you need then thats different and then you must negotiate times that he has her etc. i personally would just hang the latch and see how things pan out. hes giving you money but expects nothing in return....winner winner chicken dinner i say!!!