He has struggled always being a perfectionist, but he says his parents are the complete opposite and have always told him to just try his best but he always expects so much of himself.
Just about every entry on the list says the opposite of the assertion that his parents are laid back and casual (my words-as opposite to being controlling perfectionists). Generally this list suggests that the parents are searching for superiority fodder at your expense. This is you being their ego supply. That dynamic will not get easier as time goes on, only worse.
They will watch how you eat like a hawk - pray...
Why on earth would they watch you like a hawk? That is not very welcoming behavior. Looking for faults.
no swearing in front of them.
Do you swear a lot generally? Has he mentioned your swearing before? If so, why hasn't he dumped you already? Having a black and white rules is not the opposite of perfectionist. Looking for faults.
never ever put a glass down on the table without a coaster - it is a cardinal sin
I can get the damage a glass of liquid can do to furniture, but "cardinal sin"? That is definitely not easy going and nice. Bring a house gift: Coasters!
never take any alcohol, even if offered and waved in front of you insistently - IT IS A TEST
The Testing is just rude, presumptuous, and begs the question: What other Tests will be forthcoming?
when you are done eating leave your cutlery at 5'o clock position - dad is very particular about that
Very particular does not match with easy going and nice. Looking for faults. You must conform or you are subordinate.
help clear the table even if told not to and do it as soon as my mum stands up
Even if told not to-This is disrespecting his mom. Does he know this? "As soon as his mom stands up" smacks of you competing with her. Negative impression, not positive.
insist on washing up and do it very well - mum will check everything
Insisting is not good manners, is it? And mom checking everything is not laid back/casual/welcoming. It is establishing a superior posture...which you are not to forget.
wear the gloves for washing up or mum will say you don't take care of your hands and give you a long lecture about the importance of ladies keeping hands smooth
Giving a long lecture? What else will spark a long lecture? She wouldn't know whether you take care of your hands (or how you do it) and to make such an assertion based on one interaction like this is very presumptuous and controlling and grabbing an opportunity to score points at your expense.
do not show me any affection and don't expect me to show you any
Also incongruous-all his protestations about how much he loves you and how much he wants his folks to love you...BUT you've got to keep all that love under wraps. So you treat each other as you would a stranger off the street? What is the parameter there? This is really not going to be good for your mental health.
Don't talk about the environment - dad hates the environment
Hate is a very strong word. Again, incongruous with being friendly and non-perfectionist. I would suspect there is more to this than just a casual aversion to the topic. Is he professionally involved in a company that has had to pay for environmental clean-up?
Make sure you emphatically tell them you don't have a tattoo and never will - I swore an oath to them I would never marry a girl with one.
Are they going to take your word for it or will a body inspection be in the works? And pray tell, what other oaths has he sworn to?
My mother is practically psychic and can detect a lie or falseness a mile away so just be your lovely self, and just forgive my silly list.
Wouldn't this whole script backfire then? She would know that you are presenting a superficial front just to be liked and become suspicious at your motives. After all of this list-to just be your self and forgive the silly list...this is into headfuckery territory now. DO THIS and THIS (on and on)...but no, don't do any of that. There is a psychological split going on there. That would be way way way above your pay grade to deal with.