Step right up, it's dating thread 97

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't half get through these at speed!

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)

So my tinder/POF match turned out to be a freaking psycho. He gave me his number, I texted to suggest a date, he phoned me unprompted, got pissed off that I didn't answer, then went on abusive text rants about how I was like all the 10,000 other women who won't answer his calls. BLOCKED!!!!!

Feeling quite hopeless about dating!

I showed my friend Bee's profile last night, her verdict was that he was gorgeous enough to make her wonder if she's bi, but "self absorbed hipster prick, what were you thinking?!"

Roland, I'd be so tempted to message back (disingenuously) yes, I know what you mean, more fun, I definitely need more fun. It's all fun until you start sleeping with somebody isn't it.

But I'm so determined not to waste unnecessary evenings on these yolo merchants now.

I don't know if Bear will be my friend any more. A couple of times now he has said something that has triggered a reaction of annoyance in me... and if he were the only man like him, I'd shrug. He is just my friend now. But I feel weighed down by the idea that how he thinks is how all men think. I need to take a step back from him, not because I'm pining for him to be my boyfriend, but because his view of relationships (traps to be avoided) and his needs (I need sex now) leave me feeling a kind of anger at society or men or even the women who roll over and acquiesce to a male agenda. I know women have needs too, but I mean, society has swung so far now towwards accommodating men's needs and freeing them from any responsibility, I don't know women can find what they need. So I guess I told him why I was angry. He came back with something bland (what could he say really) about there being a lot going on, and not to underestimate myself. I don't. But I can't change the world and make it a place that serves women's needs more (I'm talking generally here. Not saying women don't want sex. I do. But on my own terms. Not a man's. I think dating, ''courtship'', sex, who contacts who next, who is in the driving seat etc..... it's all in men's hands).

But although I should probably give up, hang up my underwear and don a habit and rosary beeds, I'm messaging somebody who claims to be a gentleman. Hmm.

On the subject of the rudest message, the rudest I ever got was ''do you want to go camping at the weekend in my two man tent, or are you like all the rest of the boring prudes on here?''.

Morning all! Am at home today with a "poorly" boy who seems to have perked up remarkably quicky...

This thread is really picking up speed. Welcome newbies!
I love the clothes talk. My default first date outfit is dark skinny jeans, naice top with a bit of cleavage action going on and boots.

Roland I don't necessarily think that's a bad response. Going into a relationship with pre-conceived ideas can be quite dodgy. Enjoying the moment is good! But you know him best, so trust your guy.

Batshit I've had people ask if I want to be their Sub on OKC. It seems to be the site for it which is a bit odd as you'd think there would be specific sites for that kind of stuff.

three tell us about your date!

Handy Chin up. It's not you, it's them. These things go in waves, you'll probably have a million irons tomorrow. Let a few profile lapse and then start them up again and see what happens.

Jolly Yay for first date excitement! That's how it's supposed to feel, for goodness sake! Just don't start planning the wedding yet...

I was chatting to Tinder guy last night. He seems nice enough but a bit keen which weirdly puts me off. I seem hard-wired to not be interested in the nice guys who like me I think I'm developing the sweet shop mentality myself...always thinking that there'll be someone better just around the corner, which makes me picky about the fact he's balding and punctuates his messages with "x"s. Anyway, it'll be very easy to bitch him, so I suppose that's a good thing...

lol at self absorbed hipster prick!!

handy thanks, so relieved that you all 'get' that I'm not delivering a moose burger by going on a second date with Mr Canceller, a man who I have met only once, and who, when he did cancel, gave me three days polite notice that he was cancelling!!! I'm glad I didn't chase him up back then. My friend hasn't heard of The Theory of Delivering The Moose Burger. Is that Erikkson? Chomsky? No, it's Jolly, that esteemed theorist. One of the many wise people on this thread. --so guilty of dating the thread, i am falling in love,

Jolly, that was an hilarious article. I love the reason why ENTJs are still single. ''You’re single because: You have impossibly high standards and you’d probably just marry yourself if it were legal.

You’ll get into a relationship when: You decide that it is practical to do so, at which point you will assess potential suitors for mate value and propose to the most logical subject."

I laughed out loud at that.

ON the other hand, it says that my type is trying to rescue wounded souls and I'm over that. Part of what I liked about H to begin with was that he had his shit together. Maybe too much.

tanyadm bloody heck, hope you're okay? The bloke sounds like a nutter but at least you found out now rather then later.

Have sent a few messages to guys on POF, have had 2 responses, nothing spectacular in the messages but hoping to at least establish some sort of conversation.
I enjoy a really good chat so it can be difficult when all I get is 'hi how's you?' and then 'what you up to?' and then the conversation fizzles out. Really frustrating.
What's tinder like? have heard lots about it but unsure if it's a site to find a guy to date or a hook up site or what? I don't have a clue sorry! I'm tempted to try it out but want to hear some experiences first.

Will catch up in a bit but Roland what that guy told you is almost word for word what Popcorn (self absorbed wanker) told me.
It is only when I said it was all fun and games until someone gets hurt, that he finally spilled the beans on not wanting a relationship because ultimately he wanted to play the field.
Big red flag if you do want a relationship with him I am afraid, trust your gut! And it has nothing to do with him being into you or not, he is just into himself and being free to take his awesome laid-back persona on as many dates as he wants.

Thanks for that jolly, you've just given me the guts to stop this with him now!

Also his bathroom had a few female type products in it. Two bottles of ladies L'occatine shower gel and a hair masque and hair spray (he's uses gel stuff) I asked him if he had a GF, he said no not at all, my gut says he's lying! I think it's prob a long distance relationship though ie: she works and lives in London and sees him at weekends.

Thank god I found this out now than in another 3 months.

314 we've both hit a low, hey

'Self-absorbed hipster prick' haha! It's the exact description of my stbxh (please hurry up divorce). These men have nothing of substance to offer.

jolly you on a date later - right? Who else?

Winter, I was freaked out last night, but mostly pissed off at his misogynist, psycho nonsense today. I just want to meet a relatively balanced, interesting, uncomplicated man to have some monogamous time and occasional sex with, who doesn't add to my not inconsiderable neuroses. Too much to ask?!

So we have the IDWARs and the SAHPs....

winter Tinder is ok, I find i get a lot of matches and then never get a message. There ARE men looking for just hook ups but I have in my bio that that is NOT what I'm looking for.

I had a date with one guy from there and he was pleasant enough... (no spark though) So it's proof there are 'normal' people on there.

Yeah, I like Tinder. Never had an actual date from it but there are definitely normal people on there. And I like the fact that it's known for being a hookup site cos you can be really frank about stating/asking what you are after.

Thanks honey and born
I have a POF and OKcupid account (I have found POF better than OK surprisingly) but will check out tinder.

I have really lost my dating mojo recently - I split up from a medium-term relationship about a year ago and since then I was out on around one date a week, apart from a couple of one/two month things. I must have met twenty to thirty men last year and almost all of them wanted to see me again, I just didn't like them. Not because they were awful, most of them weren't, but I just couldn't imagine taking things further with them. I am worried now that I am getting too picky.

Having turned down the catch of a man fourteen years older than me (!) and two photoless wonders, I was messaged last night by someone who has distinct possibilities . . . Fingers crossed.

Don't worry Today pretty sure everyone's mojo comes and goes. Yay on the new Prospect!

Glad you are taking the red flag for what it is, Roland. Heaven (and the thread) knows it is really hard, so congratulations on sticking up for what you want! Agree that he is unlikely to be using those L'Occitane products himself..

Winter sign up to Tinder, definitely a lot of fishes to fry there. I cannot keep up, if anyone has a system to sort them, I am all ears.

Tanya talk about dodging a bullet there, he does sound like a complete psycho. Self-absorbed hipster prick... I have a thing for them too.. And I am a bit worried MrTheatre falls into that category (he checks the smug hipster box)

314 I know this article is awesome haha. But I think the author has a bit of a grudge against ENTPs (in other articles she says we are basically undateable..). But then I agree on the "blanking out people that are interested", if that makes sense. Good for you working on your standards, sounds like you are on the right track!!

Bat thanks. I would say wear anything that makes you feel like a million bucks. It does not really matter what you actually wear, it is how confident you look in it. I am going with the fool proof dress tonight and.. lucky knickers (superstitious much?). Need to decide between tan ankle boots (low heel) or black boots (high heel) and leather jacket or cardigan. Basically, sexy or hippie chic??

And yep, Folk I am trying hard not to be planning that wedding. Hard to admit but it crossed my mind yesterday that his parents live really close to my family and how convenient that is. Am a lost cause. Need to focus on red flags tonight, not red wine.

Mwah haha! I've just had the MOST IDWARy message from a guy on Zoosk. I noticed he'd looked at my profile a couple of times, so I looked at his, thought "meh" and left it. Then I got a message from him today, saying he wanted to be straight with me as he could tell from my profile that I'd appreciate that...he's emotionally ready for a relationship but not logistically ready for various reasons. He's coming off Zoosk but has given me his FB profile in case I wanted to chat.

The really, utterly stupid thing is that is instantly 1000% more attractive to me because a) it was a well written message and he kept saying how much he liked my profile and b) he's an IDWAR.

WTF is wrong with me?!

It's OK, I'm over the attraction now! It was just quite funny that he messaged me out of the blue with a "I don't want/can't have a relationship but..." statement, without even any preliminary banter!

I'm also now a little affronted. His message was a bit "I really like you, so would you mind just hanging around while I sort my life out cos I really like you. And did I mention just how much I like you?"

Jolly I'm giving you a very gentle shake, but it comes from a place of love, mmmkay? Wear your lucky knickers by all means but watch out for those red flags too!

Jolly I have a tinder system!!!!

Sheesh I have wanted to share this for so long. I have swipe rules, first message system, first date system. I'm a data geek (psychologist by trade so I love this stuff )

I have 3 dates lined up, 4th date with MrDonut (he always calls me that) & two first tinder dates next week.

Although if MrDonut carries on like last night I might cancel the other two. Remains to be seen if he will run after DTD. Hope not as it was massively fun.

men shmen, I'm out with girl friends later!

I enjoyed the link to the nice top waving. I too wonder what is a nice top. If anybody else wants to link to a nice top, go ahead. I prefer fitted things. Nothing too floaty.

You off out again Waving!? enjoy!