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Original poster

Ghosted

112 replies

muffymk · 06/02/2016 23:46

Hi all

Im just so hurt, sad, angry.

My boyfriend ( I suppose he isnt now) has ghosted me. We were together for over two years. I knew he was at a crossroads in his life with his job and kids but he then said that he didnt 'know' about us. He said this over the phone . He came over the Sunday but he was quieter than usual had sex. He told me he loved me in the morning and on Monday night he told me. Since then i have heard nothing even thought i keep messaging him desperately to give me some closure but again nothing. We saw each other nearly every day and this is killing me.

He always came here. I never even knew where he lived or met his kids..after two years. This is like a bad dream and my head keeps spinning. Its like im at some messy crime scene with no key witnesses telling me what happened

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 07/02/2016 08:42

No one here can make everything ok . You will get over this, it just takes time .

You are still avoiding answering lots of the questions people have asked you, so I think that you know there was something very odd about your relationship. I suspect this man has been using you and deceiving you for a long time - is that right ?

Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 09:10

No

He just came here because i had the kids. He was always here if not he was with his kids every other weekend.

Im not avoiding any questions. He was definitely divorced i know that much
He didnt use me. He did lots of things round the house. Always kind and generous but he had a side to him that nothing was ever good enough. He liked his brands. Everything had to be the best. I even though i love him i always had a feeling of insecurity i suppose x

OP posts:
magoria · 07/02/2016 09:12

When you were together he treated you good. Apart from when he

  1. Always criticized me. My family wasnt normal apparently because i have one picky eater and a son who is more into drama than sport
  2. That my comments didnt mean much because i do not have a degree
  3. That my house was weird because the little spoons go missing ...

Didnt treat you that good did he really?

dhisawanker · 07/02/2016 09:18

Looking back i guess he didnt

Love is blind as they say x

Just hurts like hell at the moment

Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 09:22

opps that was my old name

all my dirty laundry in public x

OP posts:
hesterton · 07/02/2016 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustHavinABreak · 07/02/2016 09:30

Doesn't matter about name change fail OP. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Don't go away if this is a place where you can talk and get some comfort

JustHavinABreak · 07/02/2016 09:31

Brew and Flowers for you

Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 09:35

Just feel so sick on why i choose the wrong people.

I have always suffered from abandonment issues i guess. From my mother having a breakdown and me in foster care for a bit to this x

How do i get it so wrong

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 07/02/2016 09:39

Ok. So he was generous with you, right ?

He stayed at your house all the time, except for the two weekends a month that he saw his kids. You say that he came back on Sunday night, so that's 4 nights a month he was away, so he was staying at your house nearly 90% of the time .

How much did he contribute to the rent /mortgage , bills and insurance costs? What about your food bills? Who did his laundry ? Did he cook the meals and do food shopping 50% of the time ?

Do you have a joint bank account ? How do you share the costs associated with living together ? Does he give you a set amount each month, or do you just divide up each bill as it comes in ?

How often did he watch your kids so you could go out with your friends?

whirlybird42 · 07/02/2016 09:39

Oh op, I'm sorry. But your no 5 did make me smile. If your house is weird because little spoons go missing, I can guarantee that most of us on here are living in weird houses too.
That's the most bizarre reason to pick fault I can think of. I bet when this initial phase passes, you'll think of more examples like this and realise his behaviour was never quite right.
Thanks in the meantime. I know it's shit.

fastdaytears · 07/02/2016 09:46

The little spoons thing is bonkers.

I'm so sorry about all this. Do you have any support IRL? Anyone you can have come round today to take your mind off things?

What about his stuff? Surely he'll need to come and collect that at some point? Does he have a key?

Kr1stina · 07/02/2016 09:56

I forgot to ask about coucil tax - is is his name on this ? If not why not, since he lives with you nearly 90% of the time ?

Please tell me that you've not been claiming any benefits based on being single when you have a partner who lived with you ?

You need to get in touch with the council and get his name removed and apply for the 25% rebate . You will need to give them his new address. Or is it his old address, I'm confused . Where does he live for the two weekends a month he is not with you - I assume with his parents or his ex ?

Why don't you get in touch with his family if you want to know if he is ok ? I wouldn't personally ,but I can see that you are very worried . Is he active on Facebook or Twitter - that would show you he is alive and well ?

Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 09:57

I just feel sick x

How do i get it so wrong

Abandonment issues here. My mum was put away for a while and i ended up in fostercare. Alone for long periods of time. I pick great friends but then i pick the wrong men. Ones who have addictive personalities and fickle.

I just want a life -not too much to ask

OP posts:
Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 09:59

I do not claim benefits. Unfortunately i work full time for a living x He pays council tax where ever he is living. I pay full council tax as my son is 18

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 07/02/2016 10:01

That's good, the last thing you need now is to be in trouble for benefit fraud .

Can you tell me how you and he have been splitting the living expenses ?

Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 10:03

He came here around 8 in the evening until he has to go to work.
He stayed every other weekend and he would get the shopping
He paid for a lot of things but not actual living expenses x

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 07/02/2016 10:10

So you have in fact been paying all the bills and living expenses for this " generous " man. Do you do his washing and cook him meals as well ? What about the housework , does he do half of that ?

tingon · 07/02/2016 10:13

Did he keep his clothes at yours muffymk? because I don't think it sounds as though he had another home.

Kr1stina · 07/02/2016 10:13

what about washing ? Who does that ?

I'm not asking you these things to make you feel bad BTW, I'm trying to get you to analyse what's been happening and decide if it was in fact a great relationship with a generous man.

Because it all sounds very odd to me and definitely not normal for a couple who I live together .

Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 10:17

He didnt live here. He stayed. So no i didnt do his washing.
We had some banter, watched a bit of telly then bed. Played games etc

So i never did his washing and we cooked every other weekend

And apparently you are meant to fill the dishwasher from back to the front-so he says

OP posts:
Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 10:18

He stayed here. He still had what ever he had where he washed his own clothes etc

OP posts:
Original poster
muffymk · 07/02/2016 10:19

Im going to work now so i will check in later ... i havent vanished x

OP posts:
Kr1stina · 07/02/2016 10:23

You see muffy, when someone stays with you 90% of the time, that's what most people call living together. They share chores and living costs .

I think you have ended up in a situation where he gets all the benefits of a live in partner but none of the costs and responsibilities . Rather than you sharing things 50:50,he acts like he's your guest. So if he makes a small contribution ,you think he is generous .

I can't understand why you don't know where he lives and have never met his children or any of his family . Don't you think that's weird ?

FredaMayor · 07/02/2016 10:27

OP, it seems to me that your Bf has come round to feeling that you aren't good enough for him, basing that on the things he has said, not introducing you to family and his absences. Could he have met someone else and has told himself that he must break it off with you even though he has strong feelings for you?