Ghosted

[muffymk]

Hi all

Im just so hurt, sad, angry.

My boyfriend ( I suppose he isnt now) has ghosted me. We were together for over two years. I knew he was at a crossroads in his life with his job and kids but he then said that he didnt 'know' about us. He said this over the phone . He came over the Sunday but he was quieter than usual had sex. He told me he loved me in the morning and on Monday night he told me. Since then i have heard nothing even thought i keep messaging him desperately to give me some closure but again nothing. We saw each other nearly every day and this is killing me.

He always came here. I never even knew where he lived or met his kids..after two years. This is like a bad dream and my head keeps spinning. Its like im at some messy crime scene with no key witnesses telling me what happened

I just do not get it. Its like some sort of mid life crisis on where he just pressed this destruct button and blown everything apart

Definely hidding something

I'm so sorry

In the nicest way, you were in a relationship with a man who had children that you never met, he didn't live with you but stayed often, you don't know where he works

What happened at Christmas? Holidays? Birthdays?

I do realise that. He met my mum, brother, kids and friends.

He got to know my whole circle and he never let me in. Maybe those close to him knew this side of his personality and he didnt want me to know

or i was some grubby secret. He considers himself posh while i live in a council house (i pay full rent, work full time) but it was ok for him to stay here

We saw each other at christmas and birthdays x I do know where he works but i am not going there. I wont make a fool of myself. I have emailed and text etc and nothing

But did you ever met his family? Or spend Christmas with him

Because if you didn't I hate to tell you, but there is a high possibility he did have a wife

I feel very sorry for you, it sounds like one hell of a mess

Best thing you can do is stop messaging him in anyway, and I know that will be hard

If he contacts you, you then need to have a very hard discussion with him - about why you haven't been to his house, met his family etc etc

And make sure that is somewhere he won't just charm you back into bed with him.

Even if you want too

As you need to be 100% there is nothing more going on, for your own sanity

No he didnt have a wife. I do know this much.

He spent Christmas here and birthdays. Just feel sick inside

i never met his family. He talked about them but i never met them

He once said that he didnt see the point

did he say he got on with his family - or had little contact with? him not seeing the point in introducing you is a bit of an obvious sign he didn't see this as long-term, unless he didn't like/see his family.

So where do his kids live - with ex-wife or ex-GF? when did they split? any chance she finished it and then changed her mind after 2 yrs and wanted him back (and he didn't want to tell you)?

I feel for you as you have so many questions unanswered I'm guessing you asked him all of these things when together.

I'm sorry for so many questions, it's just hard to try and understand the full story.

It is possible he is just having a "need a space" moment, if he is then give it to him but be strong and get yourself a list of things you want to know before letting him back in.

It must be more difficult for you as you said you have children and after two years they will also have a relationship with him.

The ex wife has a boyfriend and they love over 100 miles away
I dont know if its a 'need for space' he never said. im so hurt by this
What do i do? wait around? i cant i need to know soon

This is so unreal

My hugs and love is with you

He is being an idiot for treating you like this... Oh dear and he must know you have v strong feelings for him. Just know your not alone we are here to support you get through this.

truly understand your very very hurt right now and emotionally vulnerable he is not worth it at all!! Even if he comes back he will repeat it all over again!

what a cruel idiot he is.

He could have at least explained the need for a break or to think about things. Did he just say 'I don't know about us' and hang up? Was he prone to 'cold spells' before even when present?

I can imagine how weird this might feel and especially the way he ignores your pleas - please don't contact as this would just nake it more painful, not to hear back. Just try to breathe slowly and think that your DC are there to focus on and hopefully bring you some joy. You must be reeling but try to do physical things to treat the shock - a walk tomorrow, or some exrecise at home, or just something that will tire you physically - and you must start eating!

i cant move. its like a wave of sadness

Im still here

I need to get over this

1. I never met his children or family
2. Never been to his home town
3. Always criticized me. My family wasnt normal apparently because i have one picky eater and a son who is more into drama than sport
4. That my comments didnt mean much because i do not have a degree
5. That my house was weird because the little spoons go missing ...

But why do i still want him x

It feels my magic has been stolen. I taught him some martial arts and cooking. He went and showed his children. Its like the essence of me was taken

My heart is breaking

Sorry you are going through this. Something wasn't right with him, you will be better off without a man who treats you like that.

when we were together he treated me good x

They always do

Stop messaging him.

He does sound a bit mysterious - can you look up where he lives on the electoral register (do it when you're not as upset maybe).

So he has a thing about council houses & thinks himself above them? But the being anti drama vs sport isn't a very posh thing tbh. Maybe his background is council house & that's why he's hiding it from you.

He's either keeping you out of his life because he has sonething like a wife, or he's a snob & embarrassed by council houses or he doesn't want you to know his background isn't as palatial as he has led you to believe. My money's on the third - people who are confident about their background & social standing don't tend to look down on others - nor do they attach ridiculous significance to things like degrees - but he's sneaky and unpleasant in any case.

Do you know for sure that he is ok? Your relationship does seem a little strange, he he ever done this before?
I wouldnt like the comments about your beautiful family.
you will be ok.

He has never done this before. One minute he loved me the next he was saying how bright he is and he needed to change his life or words to that effect. I asked where did that leave us he said 'i dont know '
But i know he has read the messages. I just want the pain to stop