The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Battling The Wicked Wine Witch, One Day At A Time!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse, one of the Babes who have been on this lovely, rickety bus called Gerald for some time now!

There's no judgy pants worn on this bus, nor hoking of bosoms!! It's filled with every day life, love and laundry. As simple as that. The rest falls in between.

We're a welcoming, supporting thread, filled with a mine of information from many years of experience, from those who have consumed alcohol day in, day out...hidden the 'habit', the lie, disguised our drinking with many an excuse. So perfected over the years or new to the guilt of drinking more than you think you should.....

Anyway, old or new, lurker or not, come and say hello to us if you feel the need. We'd love to meet you if we haven't already :)

Thank you for reading this, find a seat, hide green opal fruits if you find any, they're like gold dust around here! Aren't they ma!!

See you soon, I hope.

Mouse x

And, if you'd like to see where we all began, sit with a cup of tea/coffee and have a peek at this - the beginning

And our latest thread that will take you back to many others enjoy your read!

Winter you are experiencing what I call the 'Fuck It Button's Revenge'. The day after drinking when all those regrets surface. Try to hang on to how you feel and remember it next time when you play the movie through to the end.

It was hangovers that made me cut right back. I just hated them so much. Hope you feel better soon and manage to enjoy the rest of the weekend x

Just checking in.am OK

Today has been a really good, positive day. Counselling went well (shed a few tears, but was good to get it all out with someone who understands), and had a bit of a game night with friends (truth or dare). I ended up drinking a concoction of orange juice, coke and milk for a dare but at least things seem a lot better now. Still not 100%, but we're getting there slowly I think. Am rejoining slimming world tomorrow (at half 8, sob!) so gonna get back on the healthy eating and move forward I think. I've felt happy ish today, for the first time in ages. I also haven't felt like bursting into tears either which is always a good sign! The counselling was hard in that we talked about difficult topics, but the chat actually helped. I'm writing a diary too and I find that a really good release. Completely off topic, but was furious earlier. One of my flatmates told us that another flatmate (who steals our food, has her bf over constantly etc etc ...) has been openly calling us all boring because we don't go out and drink much. So infuriating!

I hope everyone is ok. I know tonight will be difficult for quite a few people as it's a Friday night so hang in there.

Completely random, but it's been a month since this 'new' thread was started! I remember my first post on the old one, it's mad to think how long I've posting on here, how much it's helped and how far everyone has come. At the risk of sounding soppy, I really appreciate all you kind posters who have supported me, helped me, and also gave me a point in the right direction and one or two truths when I needed it!

On the way to getting totally obliterated tonight, not sure I care though. sick of feeling so sorry for myself it's pathetic. Sorry for another stupidly self absorbed rant.

Hate myself so so much right now

So I went out last night and I'm not sure I prepared myself mentally well enough. I am pretty sure I was ok when I was out but I've woken up this morning with the bedroom light on and my dh in the spare room. Almost annoyed at him but not sure why. Urg.

I remember getting home and to be honest that's an achievement for me but have no idea what happened after that. Will see how dh is when he gets up.

I'm cooking a 3 course meal for my mil today so he better be nice!

Bloody hate the wine witch though, feeling so anxious this morning.

And made huge hug you have done so well and it really does sound like you're on the way to beating this. So so happy for you.

elba hey sweetie. I hope you are ok. Big hug waiting here for you when you get up. I'm a bit blue this morning so we can cheer each other up.

Debating whether to go and see my dh or not. Annoyed that I can't go out and have fun without this bloody stress the next morning. All you sober babes must love not having this sh*t feeling the morning after

And despite everything I am secretly happy that I have an 'allowed to drink' day today (as celebrating Mother's Day) how can I be happy about that when I feel so rough??

Just been in to dh and he was fine. Having that awkward don't want to ask thing though. He's told me how awfully my dd slept though, that's usually his way of hitting me where it hurts.

Hi all - can I jump on? My drinking is out of control, and I'm starting to do it in secret which is scaring me. I've been diagnosed with PND and my youngest in only 7 weeks old, I didn't drink throughout my pregnancy but the cravings now are intense. I've been put on fluoxetine. This exact same thing happened after my first child. I'm too scared to admit to the GP in case they get social services involved and take away my children.

Elba are you OK? Please check in
claret is dh supportive and understand about your drinking. Can you enlist his help?
made you have made such incredible progress and reading back over the thread is proof of that. Well done, keep at it
nobody how are you doing? How is dh?
cunning you are very welcome. Social services exist to do everything possible to keep families together, not split them up. PND is common and accepted and the fact you have had a history of it( as do I) and have made positive steps to get counselling will be seen as a good thing, not a bad thing. How much are you drinking?
How is everyone else doing? Too scared to try and name check as am bound to miss someone out
I have a whole day to myself - a whole day!!!!!!! I am planning to go and walk on a beach somewhere as my main activity.

Morning All.

Claret, Elba, you need to hold onto how you feel this morning. Was it worth it? It probably wasn't. Next time you reach for 'just the one' or press the fuck it button, put yourself back here. I won't be relaxing and drinking for Mother's Day, because I know it's five minutes of pleasure and three days of 'oh shit', versus, a whole day of lovely, and starting the week without regret.

Sounds easy when I put it down like that . . . It's not, I have woken up with one of the worst headaches I can remember, (oh the irony!), and I would love to give myself the day off and drink until I can't feel it.

Small, sweetheart, what happened? Don't hide, you know you're safe here.

Going to take a couple of ibuprofen, walk the grotty hound (who has already escaped once and had a sneaky run around the field), then I shall get my shredder before going to see Hail Ceasar with DH and DS.

X posted.

Morning Ma is it crisp and cold up there beyond the wall? Looks like a lovely day for a beach walk.

Cunning, grab yourself a seat and make yourself comfy. You seem to have a lot of insight already, but the fluoxetine wont work if you are drinking, I speak from very recent current experience. You need help and support, as Ma says, social services don't jump straight in and break up families. Asking for the help is a sign of strength, and will help you to enjoy your new baby.

Ma a whole day to yourself. A beach walk! Ah bliss. Perfect mother's day (except that's tomorrow I know, but you can have today as well )

I'm off out for lunch with dh, dd and pils. All lovely people and haven't seen dd for a while as she's at uni so will be lovely to linger over lunch and catch up.

Hi to everyone, welcome to cunning and anyone else I've missed.

Joey are you ok? What's happening in your world? Is it the same old, same old or have you gone bohemian and ditched the internet

Hope you're ok, my lovely, do check in if you get a chance, I'm often thinking of you and other babes who haven't been around for a while.

Right got to spruce up and ship out out, see you later xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

(P.S. Claret yes, it is absolutely lovely not having that 'morning after' experience and it's is so worth it. If you can fight of the ww for just a few hours it frees you up for full fresh day without the heavy burden she leaves you with)

Elba I hope you're okay.

Lobster thank you. I did end up having a bit of a lazy day yesterday but feel better for it. Woke up feeling refreshed. Now to get on with housework and work urgh!

I'm aiming for a booze free weekend. Have lots of plans to keep me busy and away from the alcohol.

Hi ma my dh isn't that supportive, he doesn't 'get' it and thinks I should just stop drinking after a couple. Job done. A true non problem drinker response. I have tried time and time again to explain to him that it's just not that easy. I did dry January and struggled hugely but succeeded which was huge for me and he barely acknowledged it. I'm too embarrassed to make a big thing of it though in rl.

We have the odd big discussion about it all (usually after a hugely mortifying drinking episode) but then we just don't discuss it again.

He's lovely and kind and my world but for stuff like this he's pretty rubbish and just thinks I'm being dramatic (until I embarrass him and then I'm awful but he doesn't see it through to actually help me!)

Writing this all has made me sad. Bloody wine.

Morning everyone
So sorry for those of you really struggling at the moment. To those of you doing well, keep at it and keep posting - I need the inspiration.

I had my night out last night. I got the train like I knew I would but at least I made it to the last train home rather than having to spend a fortune on a taxi. I had 1 Bucks Fizz, 1 prosecco, 3 pints of lager, 2 large red wine. I didn't think I was too loud and raucous but i do feel a bit cringey this morning and have been going through my phone for evidence of misguided texts and social media posts of which there are a few. Was able to persuade DH that I'd only had 2 drinks when I got in so then had another a big glass of red. This wicked wine is truly a bitch and I'm so bloody weak.

Morning all - like ma, I'm not going to try to name check everyone because there are too many and anyone missed out might feel neglected. Welcome to cunning and well done to winter though.

My pattern has always been to be completely happily sober for a period of weeks or months - or, in one instance, two and a half years (I was hypnotised that time). During these times I do not think about alcohol, aside from how much better life is without it, do not crave it at all, have an increased quality of life, almost feel invincible. Then "something" happens and down, down I go. My periods of relapse have historically lasted between one day to two weeks - I haven't had one for some time and actually try not to keep count of the days in case I feel jubilant and as if I have something to celebrate. I have no qualms about going to pubs and ordering a pot of tea, or of friends drinking around me - my dark drinking started at home, alone, when DD was in bed.

What I've been unable to do is identify a common "trigger" that sets the relapse off. I was talking to someone about this last week and he recommended a guy called Terence Gorski, who apparently has written at length about developing a relapse prevention plan, on the basis that when we break a period of sobriety, there is a whole pattern to it and having a drink is the last stage in the pattern. I attach a link which I hope works.

www.tgorski.com/gorski_articles/developing_a_relapse_prevention_plan.htm

I appreciate that this may not be for everyone but it's where I'm focussing some of my energy at the moment.

Wishing all a happy and sober weekend.

Aww Claret I find it really helpful to come here and 'verbalise' the things I can't say in real life but I know what you mean about it making you sad. It's putting it down in black and white that makes the realisation hit you.

I hate things like Dry January. It brings attention to my drinking with adverts everywhere about it because I've got no hope at the moment of going a month without drinking. I can't even manage a day at the moment and moderating started well but is not so good this week. I find myself making awkward conversation with shop ladies about having a dinner party or something but the rest of my trolley doesn't look I'm shopping for a party so they must know it's just for me

I think it's a MASSIVE deal that you managed Dry January.

I hate news items about alcohol misuse and things that are relevant to me - you know, middle aged people drinking more and that kind of thing. It just leads to my DH and DC staring at me and me awkwardly swigging from my glass flicking through my iPad pretending I'm not watching the tv.

Hi everyone. to those people struggling today. The WW really is a bitch!

claret - I hope you're ok. Doing dry january is a huge achievement, well done to you. Maybe it's time to sit down with DH and talk things through properly? I know you probably don't want to, but it might help. At least then he'll know what you're going through and how to support you.

welcome cunnning and well done. SS won't take the children away - they try everything possible to keep families together and ro support you, they're there to help not to judge.

Ma and faire enjoy your days, they sound fab!

Bicylcle please don't feel you're weak because we all do it and know how easy it is to slip back. Don't beat yourself up, you're doing brilliant just by saying you don't think your drinking is right, it sounds corny but that really is the first step. Good luck to you and keep posting.

I've been to slimming world and gained all the weight I lost (grr!) Back on plan though. Parents are coming down in a bit so will be nice to give mam presents, see the parents, go for a meal and walk the dog. Going shopping too (they buy me a shop when I come down which is nice of them). I'm going to have a strongbow when I'm out, but I'm going to stop at the one. It'll be nice to have a drink and a chat, and because it's with a meal and with parents I'll be ok to control myself. I'm definitely not stressed anyway, so I won't over do it. Then I'm going to come back and get on with an essay that's due on the 17th (don't give us very long do they?) One of my friends is having a tough day of it (anniversary of her uncles death) so I'm trying to give her her space while letting her know I'm here for her as well. She's shut in her room atm, but when I'm out with my parents I'll text and ask if she wants anything from mcdonalds (the restaurant we're going to is near there).

Tis indeed cold and blowy beyond the wall, but lovely to be out and about for once. Trying to clear my head of work issues, not very successfully.

Wow that looks beautiful ma. Reminds me of Ireland.

Has anyone gone to the GP to ask for help with their drinking? What sort of help do you get? I've already been referred for counselling due to the PND so not sure what other help they can give. Drugs that take away the desire to drink would be nice though!

Hi gang. Freezing cold here - listening to Weekend Women's Hour debate on Menstrual Leave. Posh women getting very, very cross with each other.

Elba How are you ? Please check in so we know you are OK. Can we help?

Claret your thought pattern after drinking sounds remarkably like mine - how are you today? Hope your in-law meal goes OK. My in-laws are not at all lovable so meals with them are usually an ordeal but you sound an angel for cooking a big impressive meal with a hangover...

Ma lovely beach. Big hugs to you - hope the walk helped clear your head. How are you doing health-wise, feeling any better? Have they any ideas why you keep getting infections? I went to my GP last week for a repeat prescription and to moan about weight gain and get a thyroid test, and then somehow got on to the subject of peri-menopause and bleeding patterns and now have to go to the gynae unit for an endometrial biopsy. I wasn't expecting that! As someone who would beg for gas and air before a cervical smear I am terrified - and that isn't even thinking about the results. Bit scared and having immature reaction of wanting to bury head in sand and not go for appointment when it comes in.

Special big hugs to you. You have done so well coming through the detox with everything else you are going through. How is your DH too? Don't underestimate what you have achieved and how far you have come. You might feel you are struggling through, I see someone brave, loving and determined who is succeeding despite really difficult times and making progress. I wish I could come over there and hold your hand and see you through it all xxx

Made have a lovely time with your parents. It will do you the world of good to see them. I used to love it when I was at Uni and mum and dad would visit and buy me a nice meal. Especially when I hit a rocky patch with flatmates (which I think happens a lot!) They always bought me a shop too. Hahaha, only time I ever had M&S food in. Mum also used to send me money through the post with her letters (no emails or mobile phones then!) and ended every letter with 'PS enc. £5. Buy some FRUIT.' I always bought fags and booze. I still have all those letters now, a precious memory of her - they still make me smile, she was very funny. Anyway, you are doing brilliantly Made, and you also sound very kind and thoughtful, the way you are thinking of your friend. If you were my daughter I would be very, very proud of you and I bet your parents are too x

Lobster, Bicycle, Cunning, Faire, Sweet, Winter and anyone I have unintentionally missed, love to all of you and hope your weekends are working out as you like - whether moderating, going AF or whatever. Seem to be a fair few struggles on the bus at the moment so sending out supportive thoughts. Am going to go and make dinner now. DD just in from shops with secretive bags (thinking Mother's Day presents )

I hope you all have a good Mother's Day tomorrow whether seeing your mums or being spoiled by your kids or both. For those like me who have lost their mothers, a special hug and some and be kind to yourselves xxx

Hi all. So last night was a write off and have wasted my day off today, not even dressed yet. Have a full weekend off and just wasting it, feel like I'm going round in circles at the moment. Need to sort myself out! GP on Monday but scared to admit how much of a mess I am. Embarrassingly I ended up drunk calling the Samaritans at 3 this morning, which has to be a new low!!!

Sorry to keep being so negative, not quite sure how I've ended up becoming so self absorbed. But thank you all for your support, I hide things in real life and have to keep up appearances so to speak so no one really knows what's going on.

hope I'm ok ish I guess, thank you. You are all helping by being lovely and giving me a place to offload. Sorry if I caused anyone to worry. You have my sympathy for the gynae stuff too...I'm also terrified of anything like that and sobbed the last time I had to have something done. But surely the anxiety of not going will ultimately be worse than getting it over and done with?

claret big hug for you too. Hope your feeling a bit brighter. And don't underestimate dry January- that is a massive achievement. ma that looks lovely, I live on the coast and should really take advantage of it more often. Hi to everyone else too, won't name check in case I miss anyone.

Hey hope. They didn't see anything wrong in my bladder and the procedure wasn't as bad as I had imagined, other than being fairly vigorously swabbed down by a burly chap called Andy with a cold cloth!. I have to drink more water, lots more water up to 3 litres a day. Still on antibiotics though.
Going back up the coast tomorrow to a gentler beach which mum can walk on and we will have coffee and home made cake while sitting on the dunes all wrapped up! Then dh and Ds will come back and my weekend will be shattered.