Someone called the police for DV

[DragonsCanHop]

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

[toastyarmadillo]

You are doing the right thing xxx stay strong and above all else stay SAFE xxx

[LeaLeander]

to you and your daughters, OP.

Remember, miserable as it is now, you are setting a great example for your children. They will know how to extricate themselves from a bad situation thanks to your strength. You can take pride in that.

Does your husband have family, parents? What would they say if they knew he had taken all the money and left you and the girls with nothing?

Good luck.

[gruffaloshmuffalo]

Oh my days OP. I'm so sorry it's rubbish. You're doing the right thing

[Lweji]

Please report him for the financial abuse as well. That's what he's doing by emptying the account.
Then explain to the bank and see what you can do about it.

FWIW, the same happened to me and I had to rely on my credit card until I got paid the following month.

You should also arrange for benefits and child maintenence ASAP. See if you can get emergency benefits for this month.
As he's left you incapable of feeding the children, it will also count as abuse towards them.
Finally, I'd make sure the schools are aware of what's happening and help directing you towards support in relation to the children.

[OurBlanche]

He has shown you that he will continue to isolate and control you. How does he think you and his kids will manage with no money? Answer is he doesn't care, but it might just persuade you to let it go and ask him to come back.

Get all the external help you can access. Don't let your DDs bottle it up and not talk about it. Show them it's OK to be upset, to talk about how they feel, to ask for counselling and a neutral voice.

Good luck, stay strong.

[Lweji]

It might be worth texting him that taking all the money is abuse and unless he repays most of it you'll be reporting it to the police and SS.

[Pipistrella]

Oh, bugger, I was wondering about the money side of it and nearly said something earlier, as in protect your account but I didn't because I didn't know how it might be possible.

In the end it might be for the best because imagine if he had tried to get money out and found himself blocked, somehow, how angry he would have got and probably turned up again kicking off.

The bank should be sympathetic. Speak with them as soon as you can.

There's so much for you to do - I'm sorry, I hope you don't feel too bossed about...it must all be so overwhelming.

Your dd sounds brave and helpful. Did the police mention changing the locks? I think that would really help you to sleep.

[PacificDogwod]

I am late to this, but am glad that this is the beginning of a better life for you and your DCs.

He is stealing from you and his children - please report the bank account clearing to the police.

Love and strength to you

[skyeskyeskye]

OP. He is a total shit for taking the money. What a selfish bastard when you have children to feed. I don't know if you get Child Benefit or WTC, but if you do, make sure that you get them put into an account in your own name if they aren't already. You don't want him taking this money too.

Also, if he is gone for good, then ring WTC asap to start a sole claim as they will only backdate it for a month, so make sure you do it within a month of him going, if you see what I mean. Also ring the council tax to get the 25% sole occupant discount.

Can you give us some history? You say that you don't know where this came from, has he never behaved like this before? You say that in the police questionnaire you put that you haven't left the house on your own in a year. Does he stop you going out? or make it difficult to go out?

I am sorry that this has happened to you. Keep posting, you are getting great support .

[Stumbletrip40]

i agree he's abusive. Normal people don't leave their wife and children without money in any circumstances. Please do also report him for that.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

DragonsCanHop

just know that a lot of people on here are rooting for you, and will keep watching this thread- so please keep posting

I am sure you are so tired and overwhelmed- and for everything its baby steps- tonight you need to look after yourself and the poor DD

xxx

If you are receiving benefits and have been in a DV situation you might be eligible for legal aid you know - see here
www.gov.uk/legal-aid/domestic-abuse-or-violence

See some useful links
To find out whether you are eligible for assistance from the Community Legal Services Fund (legal aid), you could contact the Community Legal Service. The website has a legal aid calculator, which will advise on eligibility. They are available on 0845 345 43 45, 9am - 5pm. The website is available at www.legalservices.gov.uk/civil.asp.

The National Centre for Domestic Violence is available on 0800 970 2070 (24/7). They also have a website at //www.ncdv.org.uk. This is a specialist service for non-molestation orders and legal advice.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I'm so sorry that this has happened. Everyone is right, he is financially abusing you and the children too. I suggest you ring the police and ask them what to do. I'd be inclined to not text him at all. He isn't going to suddenly, start behaving correctly. This man is no longer your emotional husband, he is your enemy and you need to see him as that. Read the script.

[DragonsCanHop]

I haven't text him since that first one this morning telling him to leave us alone and the one when he was here trying to get in (I told him the clothes were in my car boot) I won't text him again, I can't face it.

We claim no benefits due to him being a high earner, me not so much on my own but still £24k per year.

I know nothing about benefits or what there is or what to do first. I'm inclined to leave the money thing now, we have a weeks shop in the house and I have £100 and I don't want to do anything to cause him to react. I think silence my end is best for now.

I'm totally wiped out, it's such a shock, I've written it all down step by step plus what's here I'm going to make sure I never let what he did slip from my mind. This isn't what it was meant to be like.

I will start looking at those links this evening once DC are in bed and I have to do some work from home to catch up on today and I'm not planning on going in tomorrow.

We work for the same company (didn't meet there or anything like that) so I can't tell anyone there.

[DreamingofSummer]

Dragons

I'm late to this thread but simply wanted to send you my support. You are doing exactly the right thing.

There's no reason at all why you can't tell the people at work so they can support you - if it's a big company you can speak to HR at least.

Stay strong

[Pipistrella]

Do you think you will be safe from him at work?

[HaveIGotAClue]

Shouldn't the OP already be in receipt of child benefit?

Also OP - do not tell your workplace. Yet.

Remember this. You are an independent woman. You have your job. He will have to pay maintenance. Ring every number on that sheet. They will call you anyway (from a private number). Accept every offer of help - emotional/legal etc.

[Pipsqueak23]

Late to the thread.

What a horrible thing to have to go through and for your DC's to witness.

Hope you get everything sorted soon and are able to move on from this ordeal and make a new life for yourself and your DC's

[LurcioAgain]

Dragons - coming late to your thread because I've been at work. God what a shit, and well done for standing your ground and getting the police involved.

I totally agree with you that you shouldn't text him about the money. From now on all contact should be via solicitors. But do at the very least go into the bank tomorrow morning, if nothing else to arrange some finances to pay for solicitors' fees. And do inform the police - this is financial abuse, really clear, obvious and extremely serious financial abuse - and it needs to be logged with them, both to help them build a picture of the seriousness of his behaviour and the fact that it's escalating still further, and also because you will need this as evidence in the divorce.

You are a brave and strong woman. (And - I offer this up in the hope of setting your mind at rest a bit - depending where you are in the country, you may find you can muddle along on 24K just about okay - my take home is not much more than that, and with the help of tax credits for childcare, I get along okay).

[Theendispie]

Have posters H is a high earner so they may not get any child benefit. She will however be able to claim this now.

You have had some great advice, I came late to York thread just wishing you these best and make sure you keep all the texts he has sent to you.

[magoria]

Look into any financial help you can get child benefit, council tax reduction.

Get a new bank account and get your salary paid into there as soon as possible.

I think you should tell your HR if you work for the same company and you now have the police involved.

[Veritat]

Get on to Women's Aid tomorrow about good local solicitors and contact them as soon as possible to protect your own and the children's financial position and to keep him away.

Has DD2 made a statement to the police? It sounds like she should, especially as he was making threats directly towards her.

[Andthentherewasmum]

What a tool.

Well done you for setting your children a great example of strong boundaries.

Whoever called the police did you a massive favour in the long run.