Someone called the police for DV

[DragonsCanHop]

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

[Pipistrella]

Very well done so far. Talk to the police first - tell them everything. Don't worry about charges or not at the moment. Just put the information in their hands - at least then it is fully on record, even if you don't press charges this time.

Then talk to WA and your dd's school to make sure they are aware and can support her. She might be very frightened.

You will get through this. He is an arsehole and has no place in your home.

[DragonsCanHop]

I've told my friend and another friend is having the DC over after school.

It doesn't feel real. I just want to cook dinner and sort homework and be normal and then I remember it can't be normal again.

He has stopped messaging me now and I'm all locked into the house.

Thank you so much you have no idea how much it helps being on here right now.

[Pipistrella]

it's the only way we have got of trying to ensure that you and your kids are safe from this crackpot. So it goes both ways

[DragonsCanHop]

He came to the house. I've called the police. Thank god I had locked myself in properly. He was pounding o the windows so I text him that his things were in my boot.

He has gone and I'm waiting for the police to arrive

How did this happen, at least that part, the waiting is over, I thought he was going to smash the window.

[Veritat]

You really can press charges, Dragons, and you need to do so, not least so as to protect your children. But in any event speak to Women's Aid about getting an injunction.

[Pipistrella]

Oh bloody hell. Ok, he's got his stuff, he's gone for now. Make sure you tell them about this, too.

He's such an entitled wanker isn't he.

You are doing extremely well xx

[mcdog]

My heart is breaking for you :( what an awful horrible nasty man he is.

Keep strong, you're doing brilliantly.

[Lweji]

I've been there and you are doing well. Hopefully he'll get the message and stay away.
But probably not for long. I do really advise you to get yourself legally protected. Meanwhile, and you're still on time to do it today, if you have the means, do change the locks on the house. You may find that he will try again to gain access when you are out.

[Lauren15]

Do you have friends or family who can support you Op? You really shouldn't be doing this alone?

[WhoTheFuckIsSimon]

The scary thing is that he doesn't see the situation is due to his behaviour. He thinks it's the phone calls fault.

[Lweji]

It's also typical.

[DragonsCanHop]

He just sent a message

"Sorry, 8 work shirts, no jeans, no shoes (there are trainers in the bag if he looked properly) nothing but work clothes that's fair"

I've thrown the rest of the contents of his wardrobe in a bag and put it in the garage. I'm starting to feel really angry and oh so hurt, he hates me and couldn't give a toss ofter 14yrs of marriage. My heart is broken

[starry0ne]

I have been in similar Op...Next step was to sleep in garage then pay for a hotel we couldn't afford to make me take him back... To be honest it worked however I ended up in a refuge as things escalated...

It will feel very surreal.. Big hugs

[DragonsCanHop]

I have no one, no family and only school mum friends, I can only tell two of them and they have their own lives and DC,
how pathetic is that.

[Fionajsd]

Thinking of you xx

[Miffytastic]

(((Dragons)))
Have had any joy with womens aid, or another or local DV organisation? most places will have a helpline and someone you can talk it through with and let you know about local support.

You can do this, we're with you x

[girlinacoma]

So sorry OP, you are doing brilliantly sweetheart. You are doing absolutely the right thing. Keep yourself and your daughters safe, that's all that really matters.

Would your eldest daughter back up your statement to the police?

[Barmaid101]

Stay strong! You can do this!

[Morasssassafras]

You have us. You have women's aid. You have the samaritans (it's not just for people feeling suicidal). You have your mum friends. You have your gp. You will be amazed and heartened at how many people can, and will, support you through this time. You can do this.

Have the police been yet? How did it go?

[Lweji]

And you have the police. They should be on your side.

They were prepared to arrest him last night.

[fohamy12]

Stay strong, lots of brilliant advice on here. You are still in shock of course, try and think of it as the beginning of the rest of your best life.

[Lauren15]

Forgive me for saying this but I can't help suspecting that the fact you have no family and feel you have no friends makes your dh feel he can treat you this way. You cannot allow him to push his way back into your life because you feel you have no support. You have all of us for moral support and the police. It seems one of your neighbours called the police last night so clearly they are looking out for you. You need to let your neighbours and close mum friends know what is going on. I know what you mean when you say they have their own lives but that doesn't mean you won't be there for you if you're alone and scared. Please stay strong. You can't bring your dds up to think this is a normal relationship.

[DragonsCanHop]

The police have just left and DC are home.

DD2 hasn't said a word and gone straight upstairs DD1 was more vocal about it all, she is angry and confused. Apparently she heard him say, I can put you on your fucking arse any time I chose to and never forget that.

I answered the DV questionnaire last night but it was late and I wasn't really in to doing it so they asked me to do it again and the no family and friends thing kept coming up, and how jealous he gets and how I haven't been out of the house on my own in over a year.

I didn't know it but they said he is emotionally abusive and they are going to speak to him today under caution.

I have to see a solicitor asap (how!) and they are warning him it's best to stay away for now.

That's it, it's over. I popped to the bank and he has transferred all the money out into his personal account so I with Drew £100 and it will push us into a non existent overdraft and that is now all we have. And that is all he cares about any of us.

I have some contact numbers to call whic I will do when the DC are not around.