Someone called the police for DV

[DragonsCanHop]

"D"H exploded last night in front of the children over something really stupid (DDs) phone going off when we were sleeping.

He slammed doors and shouted at the children making them all scream and cry, I jumped up to defend them, told him he can't slam doors and talk to them like that. I got in between him and the bedroom door frame and he pulled me out of the way.

He was up in my face sneering at me, he called me all sorts of names and threatened to push me down the stairs, he was yelling at the top of his voice and I was telling him he had to go down stairs at least so I could settle the DC.

Eventually he did but only after yet more name calling with a look of disgust on his face.

I settled the youngest easily (told her it was a bad dream) and eldest came in with me and it all calmed down.

Next thing I know there are 2 policeman at the door, someone had heard him and called 999.

They wanted to arrest him but as it's not happened before and I'm still not sure why he did it I told them he didn't hurt me and I didn't tell them about him threatening me. They said they would log it as a disturbance after completing a DV log sheet.

He messaged our daughter this morning after leaving for work and asked if she called the police. We didn't reply.

I messaged him and told him to find somewhere to stay, we need time apart he replied no and then asked if I was throwing him out over a stupid call on our DDS phone.

I haven't replied and I've left my mobile at home, he keeps calling my work phone.

Please tell me I'm not making too much of this, I feel like I can't make a choice of what to do from now but I know he can't be happy and I've not been happy for a while either but never expected anything like this, he hates me.

[flanjabelle]

Yes definitely pack him a bag. do not engage with him at the moment. The situation is too volatile. He is in a desperate position of trying to force you to accept his behaviour and I can see it getting very ugly. He wants to you let this go, allow things to continue, so will try to bully you into submission. Do not engage. Speak to WA and get some advice on how to proceed.

Please do not teach your children that you don't care enough to protect them from this behaviour. You clearly love them, please think carefully about what message you will send if you accept this and continue your relationship with this man.

[WhatTheActualFugg]

You're welcome dragons. Virtual hugs being sent.

[Pandopops]

He could have pushed you down the stairs & your DD might hav, had to ring the police to say you wernt breathing anymore.

You are doing the right thing x

[Veritat]

Presumably your dd can confirm everything that he said? I must say, the fact that he suggests you were in his face when you were standing in DD's doorway demonstrates that he's 100% in denial of the seriousness of his behaviour.

[Lweji]

There are two witnesses here. You and your DD. He knows this and is shitting himself. Which is why he is trying to gaslight you and putting it in writing.

[flissy1969]

The police will put you in touch wih OUTREACH who have very well informed women working for them, they will quickly and discretely advise and SUPPORT you. Maybe you just dont have the strength right now to make these difficult decisions or you are doubting your own judgement but they will help prepare you for when the time comes - they understand. LOOK UP THE FREEDOM PROGRAM BY PAT CRAVEN and contact OUTREACH through the police. LOG all incidents - you will need them later if you have to apply for an occupation order.

[Lweji]

Who did call the police? Was it your DD, or did the neighbours?

[DragonsCanHop]

It wasn't my daughter, she is nearly 14 by the way although she did threaten him with it at one point. It must have been someone outside the house.

Deep breath, bag is packed and in the boot of my car, I haven't messaged him yet.

I've sent a message to a friend asking if DDs can go there after school just waiting to hear back, I just need some time to myself for a bit to try and work out what to do for the best, this is crazy.

Bit pissed off with the receptionist at work but that can wait. I've locked myself in the house with keys in all the doors incase he tries to come in and now need to make those calls, I'm scared.

Sorry, I know you have said it before but everything is moving so quickly and I'm not keeping up. Shall I ring 101 with the ref number? Or WA?

[3WiseWomen]

You need to ring both but start with 101.

You can do that!

[Marchate]

Police first, with as much detail as you can remember

[Akire]

Your doing great, it's perfectly normal to be scared it's a situation you don't expect yourself to be in. Ring 101 should get someone to ring you back. Ring WA maybe after police just to discuss how you are feeling and practical support. We are all behind you.

[coffeeisnectar]

Call the police and tell them you want to make a formal complaint against your husband.

You sound very scared and you can't deal with this alone. Get him charged and out of your lives. He will hopefully have bail conditions put in place so he can't contact you and ask if that can include the dc as he's already embarrassing your oldest.

[coffeeisnectar]

Harrassing not embarrassing.

[DragonsCanHop]

I'm in a que to speak to 101 I can't believe I'm doing this I'm struggling to keep it together

[Rainbowlou1]

You're doing brilliantly and we are all 100% here behind you x

[keely79]

You're doing the right thing and are being really brave. It's important that your DC know that this sort of behaviour has consequences and is absolutely not acceptable. The fact he is showing no contrition for how he acted is really concerning - threatening to push someone down the stairs is far beyond a normal reaction to a row.

[DragonsCanHop]

I've done it. I called 101 and they are getting someone to call me back. The window cleaner has just turned up and scared the life out of me, I'm a nervous wreck, how has this happend. I should be in work in meetings and I'm cowering in the toilet of my own home.

I honestly can't press charges on him, I need some space to think. I could be sick

[lincolnshirelassy]

Op you're doing the right thing. You can do this and you must. I've been there. It won't get better, he's an abuser. But you can give your girls a great life away from this awful man and start afresh. I really feel for you. Hugs.

[Jitterybug]

Thinking of you Dragons well done on everything you have done so far. You are doing a fantastic job and showing your DC that no one has a right to treat anyone like your dh has.

[Goingtobeawesome]

You can press charges but that isn't the point. You need to ask yourself why you think you can't. He's not better than you, he doesn't own you. Value yourself like I know you value your children.

You've made a really good decision by calling 101. Make the right decision by having him charged.

You CAN do this.

[Lweji]

Why do you think you can't press charges?

[Lweji]

BTW, if someone else called the police and they heard the threats, then it shouldn't matter if you press charges or not. The police could still decide to pursue it.

[catlover97]

Thinking of you Dragons - stay safe, you're doing all the right things. You will get through this

[GiddyOnZackHunt]

Once you've told the truth to the police then it means you'll be on much for
rmer ground if he tries to get into the house tonight. Hopefully that will make you feel safer in the short term.

[keely79]

Do what you can now. You don't have to press charges this time, but by telling the police they'll be on notice and there will be a pattern of behaviour if, god forbid, there is a future incident, which could strengthen your case if you did want to press charges.