you know I've been living in my MIL"s house for over 2 years .... well I 'm moving out. Just me

[sunnywong]

that's it really

After yet another vicious row, yelling and roaring and swearing and screaming at me and this time hurling my camera to the ground and smashing it in front of the kids with MIL yapping away in the background, and that was from DH because "I wind him up". I have finally realised that I am not going to live here anymore and I 'm getting a rental property around the corner as soon as I can.

I don't want to split up from DH, I still love him and want to be married to him, but he has to choose which woman he wants to live with. Me or his mum.

I have the money to pay for rent now as I am working a couple of evenings a week as a chef and I know DH will help with all expenses.

The only thing is the kids. I haven't quiet thought it through. I told the big one, 5, that I can't have Daddy shouting and yelling at me anymore and that the reason we shout and yell is because it's too crowded in MIL's house so I was going to get a place of my own and the yelling would stop, Of course he cried and I told him it wasn't his fault and that I would still be around all day every day, which I will, just that at night I would go to my own place like all the other mummies (and daddies) had there own places and he could come and stay with me any time. Does that sound like I've effed with his mind or was it right to tell him? I expect he will do half the week with me and half with Dh and MIL if DH decides to stay with his Mum (my's boy). I do aim to be around all the time and be full time carer for ds2 who isn't at school yet.

I feel tremendously relieved that the root of my sadness and depression is coming to an end and I don't really know what will happen between me and DH but I think he has to step up to the line and choose which woman in his life he is going to live with

What do you reckon?

Pruni?! You on the plonk already??

Awww stoppit the lot of yer

I think calling MIL to apologise has helped me regain a shred of what ever it was I lost,

thanks again for all your advice, especially the short and sweet - don't leave your kids - don't know what I could have been thinking. DS1 isn't too headfucked he changed his mind about what PJs he was going to wear and I said "see everyone can change their minds, and there is no way in the world I would ever walk away from you.

MIL left an enormous xmas ham she baked, so I will eat that til I fell sick now

thanks for all the help xxxx

living with in laws or parents fro any length of time os VERY stressful

dh and I had to live with my parents fro 4 months just after dd1 was born whilst we waited for naval housing in the area

it was fine and dandy fro about 5 mins but then the stress of the situation started to cause arguments between dh and I.

Hope you are feeling better now and get something sorted soon

I just cannot type for properly lol unless I really think about it

I think you did well and I am glad to hear that normality will resume...However, everyone should now be well aware of how hard this is for you, and to what measures you feel you are driven to.

I hope it has helped matters in the long run.

Happy Xmas SW!

Of suzyfloozy!

I do hope that this is what the lovely (yet incredibly silly) MrWong needs to shake him up to appreciate what a wonderful wife his has and how he needs to be a total man!

FWIW... I think you're doing the right thing.

Missed all this. Suzy- it sounds a nightmare, even though it's all calmed down now. I;d really struggle with it. Fingers crossed for your extension soon (and make that private, accessible only with a key, right from the begining). When I liived in Japan all sorts of people would just let themselves in my front door. Finding the postman standing in my kitchen was the final straw and I started locking the door even though it confused them all. I think I would find MIL having free access to my things, worse than a postman coming in uninvited. However lovely the mother in law.

I'm sending extension building vibes.....

(PS we swear at each other in rows as well- me in particular).

Oh Wongster.

I am so pleased I found this when there has been a resolution.

Stay strong,you are a wonderful person and TBH a bleeding saint to have put up with the situation for so long.

Much love
LGJ

Ah......... things have moved on! Good

I really hope that you are able to survive till the extension is done babe. Rant away whenever necessary!

Oh suzy, how miserable, but thank god you've decided what you have. It sounds like the very worst parts of living with stepchildren but without the responsibilities and so on that make it bearable, so I do understand the bit about provacy, totally. I am glad you are staying though- I think your boys might have found it very hard to fall asleep knowing that you were about to leave, and it could have set up all sorts of problems for them. I do understand how necessary it is for some sort of separation. I hope the extension is finished very, very soon

Suzy - glad you have got it sorted out for now

However, I do think that your DH owes you a fu**ing great apology TBH.

Don't send him any signals whatsoever that make him think that he can call you a fat fucking bitch and act like a complete yobhead in front of your children.

No extension no matter how splendid can compensate for your children growing up thinking this behaviour is okay - and possibly that goes for your behaviour too at mentioning it!

I think you have made the right decision for now SW. Personally, I would not have recommended leaving your children with MIL and dh either. I have sometimes had rows with dh in front of MIL when she is staying with us and I know how awkward the dynamics of that situation are. But my gut reaction has always been to cluster my children around me, not leave them to MIL and dh.

Hopefully your dh will now see how desperate your situation is and will work with you to provide a compromise. Don't let the momentum fade - make sure a proper conversation on this subject occurs sometime over the next few days.

Oh and merry Christmas to you btw!

thank you everyone for your support and advice

I am really quite overcome.

We will sort it out, I will stop being a drama queen over xmas and dh is sorry he broke my camera, I think we were both pushed to extreme lenghts today. We always explain we were wrong to yell at each other in front of the kids and do a public apology too. I think they will turn out OK, but they may be the ones mugging you for small change for crack coccaine in a few years, who knows.

I knew you were living with MIL but had no idea you were finding it so hard - I am totally in awe that you have managed so well for so long - I definitely couldn't do it.... hope you all have a happy (and peaceful!) Christmas...

lol Suzy, I'm sure they'll be FINE! Happy Christmas

LOL, I'll just avoid Australia so Wong kids can't mug me for crack cocaine.

Happy christmas Suzy, glad it's all sorted.

Oh suzy, i am sorry you were all pushed this far and so relieved that all issort of back on track again. Maybe some of those famous wong brownies all round to cheer everyone up?

Hi SW

Sorry to hear you're going through this but glad you're reaching some resolution. FWIW when we first came to Germany 3 years ago the idea was to live with the ILs at first. I lasted less than a week for all the reasons you talked about (principally lack of privacy) and decamped back to the UK until dh found us suitable accomodation which he did sharpish. So I think 2.5 years really is beyond the call.

Why is Christmas so stressy? It's mad isn't it?

Hang on in there and have a fab 2007 - new home, nice job - things are going to be so much better for you.

hello

We will hang on in there, I do so want to make it work for all sorts of reasons, not least i want to make the extended familiar cross culture thing work and also we would be living mortgage free, and that's a big plus. It will be so great for all of us when it happens.

I really really don't know how I could even have contemplated going somewhere with out my kids for one second.

Franke, tell me about German Festive Breads please, or have you had enough of them?

Well, there's Stollen.....

We've just had a rather nice walnut baguette.

Sauerkraut bread anyone?

I can't think of anything specifically festive we've had in the bread department. But I'll have a word and get back to you. Bakeries are about the only shops open here today (no Sunday shopping here) and they're heaving.

The main festive bakery fare is all the cinnamony and gingery biscuits covered in chocolate. Pfefferkuchen and all that.

ooh goody - it's been sorted

sending big positive extension vibes - that really will be a good solution

Suzy, just seen this. You are one fab woman. I take my hat off to you for calling your MIL and apologising - I doubt many people would do that.

The fact that both you and your dh are prepared to admit your mistakes and apologise to each other and the dcs says to me that this will work out.

Have a manly slap on the arm

Suzy, only just seen this. What a horrible situation for you. Wish I could offer you wise and helpful advice. Glad you can comfortably give vent and also receive support here. Have always loved your sense of humour. Let's hope it can carry you through this shit time.

Blimey Suzy.

Totally agree with Miaou's post.