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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What does it mean when he acts very interested then very not interested?

60 replies

outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 18:12

My new boyfriend acts very interested, extremely interested and then acts very not interested and back and forth.

It's made me feel anxious.

Why does he do this?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2016 18:13

Because he is an arsehole

Barabajagal · 30/01/2016 18:15

He's a twat and wants you feeling anxious so you'll toe the line.

Quietattheback · 30/01/2016 18:17

It means he's a douche and you would be better off not investing time in him.

Talcumsoul · 30/01/2016 18:17

He could be either an arsehole or a twat. Or both!

ChubbyPolecat · 30/01/2016 18:18

It means he's not interested but he wants to keep you stringing along cos it's an ego boost for hime

ItchyArmpits · 30/01/2016 18:20

The answer is in your OP.

He does it in order to make you feel anxious.

Ditch ditch ditch ditch ditch ditch ditch....

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/01/2016 18:30

It means run away before you get sucked in and endure lots of pain and hurt..sorry

LionHearty · 30/01/2016 18:42

OP it's really simple: if someone's behaviour makes you feel anxious, or unsettled, unsure of where you are with them, they are bad news. Do not try and figure out why, just ditch and move on. He's not a nice person. Best not to get involved.

Original poster
outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 18:43

So generally speaking it means he doesn't really like me or want anything to happen but he wants attention / sex / ego boost as and when it pleases him without actually investing into getting to know me or getting close?

OP posts:
LHReturns · 30/01/2016 18:48

Exactly what ChubbyPolecat said...it means he's not interested and we have all been there.

poorbuthappy · 30/01/2016 18:49

Means he's a twat who is not worth your time or attention.
Move on.

Original poster
outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 18:53

ok, got it. Thanks

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2016 19:35

so what are you going to do ?

Peevedquitter · 30/01/2016 19:44

You are his will do for the moment and you need to dump him.

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 20:08

That's a technique employed by people who will have no problem being emotionally or physically abusive in time. My Ex used to do it.

Original poster
outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 20:22

Well, he's in a cold phase right now so I texted him and he replied but very standoffish so that was me testing it isn't all in my mind.

I was actually thinking about blocking him and just never talking to him again.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/01/2016 20:27

Sounds like a good plan

Ghost the fucker. It isn't anything more than he deserves.

Let him wonder what the fuck happened (just like you have been doing)

Original poster
outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 20:28

what a prick

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 30/01/2016 20:31

You can do better. Why hang around to stroke this pricks ego whenever he's decided he's got time for you?

Claraoswald36 · 30/01/2016 20:32

Outlook foggy you are correct in your assumption. One of those situations where you say gosh I am worth so much more than this rude behaviour and move on to someone more deserving of your time Smile

Trust me I have tried out enough blow hot and cold men to know these never blossom in to loving relationships. Dp was a blow hot at all times type of bloke and we have a loving, settled relationship. If it ends and I date again I would be hyper vigilant with this blowing hot and cold and I imagine men will tell me I'm high maintenance and I will say yes I am so move along Grin

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 20:33

Pretending you haven't noticed will really annoy him.

Original poster
outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 20:40

he will know I have noticed if he's blocked though

OP posts:
withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 20:41

That'll probably annoy him just as much, to be honest.

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 20:42

Because you'll be in control.