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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What does it mean when he acts very interested then very not interested?

60 replies

outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 18:12

My new boyfriend acts very interested, extremely interested and then acts very not interested and back and forth.

It's made me feel anxious.

Why does he do this?

OP posts:

Report

SpottyDot · 30/01/2016 20:44

Just tell him that this relationship isn't doing anything for you and you want to end it. He will blow very very hot then, doing everything in his power to lure you back. His ego will hurt.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 30/01/2016 20:52

No don't start engaging in games with him to try to get upper hand. Just block and move on.

pinkyredrose · 30/01/2016 20:58

U know what? Let him tie himself in knots if that's what he wants. Who needs the drama. Don't know about u but I'm too old for games like this! You'll find someone who you know wants to be with you

Ohb0llocks · 30/01/2016 21:03

Block! Who cares if he knows you've noticed. You won't be speaking to him again for him to find out.

Sounds like a giant arse badger. And believe me I've had my share of those.

outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 21:12

I did tell him the relationship wasn't doing anything for me and I wanted to end it. I have done that twice, and as you said he would then blow very, very hot indeed and did everything in his power to lure me back. I tried to talk about it and how it made me feel and it seems like now he just doesn't even respect me anymore because he is worse than ever.

I think blocking him is probably best because of the luring, and I don't want a third time to be dragged back into it and don't want to spend another Sat night crying.

If I block him it will shock the hell out of him. I think he thinks he has me wrapped around his little finger.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 30/01/2016 21:23

Then prove the fucker wrong

forumdonkey · 30/01/2016 21:27

It sounds like you don't mean it but you are going to play the same games? If you are going to finish it you have to mean it and move on. He isn't the important person to convince you are finished, it's YOU

outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 21:32

I don't want to play games at all. I want a normal relationship with someone who cares about how I feel.

I was just left very confused on that issue.

OP posts:

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 21:41

Oh, I didn't mean to suggest that you should play games. Just that, ime, if you notice and ask if there's a problem, they often seem to thrive on it. Blocking them is a good option, too.

SoleBizzz · 30/01/2016 21:43

You need to dump this LOSER. Show him who is boss.

SoleBizzz · 30/01/2016 21:43

It will dent his ego.

outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 21:44

He was very much saying he liked me very much and was doing all the right things and he convinced me that he cared a lot about me so when he started doing it and it was gradual and got worse it took me a while to understand how nasty behavior it was.

OP posts:

SoleBizzz · 30/01/2016 21:53

He seems to be an utter fucked up twat. He is and will mess you up. You care he doesn't. Never will. He will hurt and confuse you like you have never known. Dump him. Be more choosy.

outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 22:02

I was / am very choosy

He didnt act like this at first

Total opposite

OP posts:

SelfLoathing · 30/01/2016 22:21

He didnt act like this at first
Total opposite

But of course. That's how they real you in.

Like any form of emotional or physical abuse the victim needs to be sucked in first.

If the first time you went on a date with a guy he was rude and slapped you across the face, you'd never see him again. Generally people don't end up in physical or emotionally abusive relationship because it was like that from day 1. It's a slow creep.

A bit of abuse. I'm leaving. But I love you darling. Hearts and flowers. A bit more abuse, a bit stronger. I'm leaving. But I love you darling. Hearts and flowers. Next level up abuse. I'm leaving. Ha ha You said that before. I know you won't and who would want someone as pathetic as you. Next level up abuse.

Needaninsight · 30/01/2016 22:25

Means he's a total twat.

I've had my fair share of this type of 'relationship' (pre DH)

Now I look back and realise that they knew I was vulnerable, even when I had no clue I was.

Don't waste another 5 mins of your life. This kind of guy will never ever ever change Get rid asap.

outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 22:58

Devastated. Can't believe I let it happen. I really cared

OP posts:

SoleBizzz · 30/01/2016 23:05

If you continue to see this 'man' you will truly be devastated. Take control and get rid. He doesn't want you anyway.

outlookfoggy · 30/01/2016 23:14

I dont want to continue. Of course I don't. I'm just still quite shocked. I thought he cared about me a lot.

OP posts:

Morro · 30/01/2016 23:21

Caring people generally don't tend to behave like this charmer.
Block him. Don't engage in any discussion about it.

LovelyFriend · 30/01/2016 23:57

Don't waste any more of your time and energy on him. He's messing with you and you deserve better.

Block and move on. You'll feel better for it soon enough

Quietattheback · 31/01/2016 16:51

He's a basket case OP; an emotionally stunted basket case.

He's not capable of loving and caring for you the way you deserve but here's the kicker, you're not loving and caring for yourself the way you deserve either because if you were, you would have ghosted this fucker by now.

He's shown his true colors now and you've seen it, if you stay you are eroding your own self worth which is worse for you than what he is doing. You need to somehow find a kernel of self love and regard and use that as your impetus to ditch the dead weight.

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Resilience16 · 31/01/2016 17:08

Hi foggy, sorry this guy is a knob, and you know that in your heart, right? Walk away now with you head held high. If you carry on the emotional abuse will continue and escalate. Bin there, done that. You deserve better.
Good luck x

SoleBizzz · 31/01/2016 17:29

How strange!!!!!!!!

I have just Googled a restaurant chain and the emotional abusing cunt is a manager there!! Not seen it or heard from it for ten years. His Facebook account also appeared and he is still hanging around with his Mother. Twat.

CheersMedea · 31/01/2016 17:40

enough blow hot and cold men to know these never blossom in to loving relationships.

I think this is true. What happens to these men I wonder? Hot and cold is very much a manipulative, abusive power play beloved of commitment phobe types.

Do they meet someone they are interested in and are 100% hot? Or are they all inherently emotionally abusive - so blow hot enough to get the woman sucked into a marriage and then start having affairs once they have a wife tied up with a marriage and children?

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