Man does not want cheap sex

[Cloverene]

Just after a bit of advice really, as struggling to understand what has happened here and why;

I met a lovely guy through a charity club. He is mid 30's, very intelligent and not super sociable. I was interested in him as a friend, but as the weeks/months passed, I began to grow attracted to him.

At the very onset, he kept telling me I would make a wonderful girlfriend and pursued me slightly. Always looking to talk to me during our charity events. I never heard from him much in the evenings/weekends, and he would always decline weekend catch ups. I would often invite him for drinks etc as at that stage I saw him as a friend, so when he declined, I didn't think anything of it.

One weekend he became very keen to meet me for dinner. The time wasn't right for me, so I had to decline. Fast forward a few weeks and we end up at the same pub, drinking. He insisted on coming back to my place after. At this stage, I still wasn't really interested in him, but he is attractive and I wanted sex.

We talked a lot at my place, but when it became time to do the deed, he declined and said he will only do it if in a relationship.

I was quite astonished. He ended up going home. He has now gone semi NC with me.

Under normal circumstances, I would just move on. But I think this guy could be the one, so I am feeling slightly flat about what to do, if anything? It is unclear to me what has happened here?

[Fatrascals]

Yes, I think it's time you chalked it up and moved on.
You've waited months before you've worked out that you are interested.....he's forgotten all about it no doubt by now.


Your thread title is so bad it's hilarious.....I actually thought it was a joke. I think you should realise that there is actually something very attractive and normal about a man who doesn't want "cheap sex" rather than something puzzling about him.

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Sounds like you both wanted different things at different times.

Your confusion and ideas around cheap sex seem to be setting up a dynamic of attraction which is based on disrespect and not actually being very nice to each other.

I'd question why you want to create this dynamic?

I don't think you should beat yourself up about this stuff. But I do think it might be good to have a think about why you are wanting to create this dynamic.

Be nice to yourself, and expect others to treat you nicely... and of course, being nice to others follows on :)

[Heatherjayne1972]

Let him go. If he's meant to be in your life he'll pop up again.

[Cloverene]

For anyone interested, I did a bit of soul searching. Really thought about my actions and what happened between us and the subsequent behaviours.

Started to do some digging too as when I re-read some of the messages he sent, something clicked that I didn't see as clearly then.

To all those posters who said he was attached...you were right. Turns out he has been in a 2 year relationship with another woman. Guess he felt too guilty to do the deed!

[Destinysdaughter]

Well thank God you didn't have sex with him then! The being Unavailable at weekends was a massive clue but not always easy to put 2 and 2 together when you're in it.

How do you feel about it all now?

[BlondeOnATreadmill]

He's not that into you. End of.

[TempusEedjit]

Just goes to show how people can put on a nice front in public that hides the real them. Your "lovely guy" was obviously not so lovely after all!