If your father left you to die [Trigger warning for addiction/alcoholism added by MNHQ]

[WildeWoman]

By leaving you to die, I mean 'she's an alcoholic, what can you do'.

And you later found out that he may have been complicit in welfare fraud..........

Would you report him?

OP I think that the way you phrased the following is very telling...

As to why I ended up homeless?
I was temping, job ended, I got a chest infection, couldn't look for work, drinking during the day took off, rent didn't get paid - ass ended up in a park.

Your other posts are all very I/me focused, your sentences mostly start 'I'. Yet when you describe how you ended up homeless, it's 'drinking during the day took off' rather than 'I started drinking during the day', and 'rent didn't get paid', rather than 'I didn't pay my rent' (because you spent the money on alcohol, presumably). There's an abdication of responsibility there - the daytime drinking took off on its own and the rent just somehow didn't get paid. You need to face up to yourself and stop blaming others for your situation. Stop the bitter histrionics about how you're so hard done by and then you might find the strength to stop drinking. There's a recovery phrase, isn't there... poor me, pour me, pour me another drink.

Op you are absolutely delusional due to the fact you are still very much in the grips of alcoholism.

My stepfather has been an alcoholic since his very first drink at thirteen. Hes been alcohol free for four years after being told his liver was failing and if he didn't stop he'd die. That was enough and he hasn't touched a drop since.

I feel so sorry for your family and what you are putting them through but especially your child. You are a grown adult your father doesn't have any responsibility for you. You nearly dying was all YOUR doing NOT HIS!

Two of my aunts have died in the past week of cancer. YOU, neither my stepfather or any other alcoholics have any similarities between cancer victims. My mother's a functioning alcoholic, she goes to work everyday she drinks about four/five cans after work everyday, her father too was an alcoholic. There's absolutely no way I will allow myself to go down that path. You do have a choice to stop. You choose not to. Its called willpower and determination.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster, I wonder if the early responses came from people without first hand experience with alcoholics. It is a rational response and I think the reason why so many who love an alcoholic stick around for so long. Everthing inside screams "but you can't abandon them". Truth is, the point comes where you have to and protect the truly vulnerable who have no choice, the kids of an alcoholic for instance as a previous poster did for her friend's kids.

I am glad this thread turned around

Some of the early responses are massively enabling and minimising.

I would like to ask some of those who commented, particularly at the start of the thread...

Those posting at the beginning of the thread I think were writing in total ignorance

To be fair, if any normal person read:

He left me to die homeless. My siblings intervened. My father maintained his view that any money spent on me would be wasted.

They would think what a terrible father. It's the addition of the word alcoholic in the opening post that completely changes the meaning.

The whole reason I have found this thread therapeutic is that I could talk about alcoholism to people who understand. Not normal people who have no clue and no understanding, like everyone I know.

A good example from early-thread is this post:

I think your Dad may be a grade A asshole, and I hope it goes from welfare to Revenue, but what do you mean "this shit about enabling"?

I don't think I could find a single sentence that sums up the ignorance more than this post.

Yes, people who have no direct experience of making the heart breaking decision to detach from an alcoholic loved-one are lucky. I am sure no one was posting maliciously.

The thread is becoming slightly repetitive now, I seriously doubt op is going to come back and reassure us that her dd is alright. Unfortunately hundreds of thousands of people love an alcoholic or other addict - it is a grim existence.

... I should add that there is nothing wrong with being ignorant on the subject of alcoholism. I wish I was ignorant on this topic. I wish I too didn't understand why the alcoholics father refused to fund housing. Sadly for me, I understand all too well.

Exactly Fate

When you realise that what the OP meant by 'he left me to die homeless' what she many was 'he refused to give me money'.

And when you think about why any parent might refuse point blank to give their child money when they are clearly on their arse, the pennies start to fall into the slot.

What she meant, not many!

Some of the early responses are massively enabling and minimising.

which the OP probably loved as it confirmed she was right.

As soon as I see addiction I also see someone who manipulates events to make themselves look like a victim of those around the

The situation is more like

'I asked dad to give me some money so I could take this fantastically paid job. He didn't believe me and wouldn't give me more money as he knows I will just spent it on drink again.'

But the op, being an addict and great at manipulation, changes this to 'dad was happy to see me die on the streets and wouldn't help me get my life back together'

I have no idea wether there was actually a job for £140 per day. But I wonder how many lies she has told him to get money before this

I commented early on this thread and it definitely wasn't through total ignorance. It was from experience sadly.

The £140 a day job was likely to be too good to be true. Most people when talking about a potential job talk about the salary. Eg: £24,000 a year. The only jobs i know that are quoted as a daily rate are usually bullshit and never ever end up actually providing that income. My guess is OP was probably being preyed on by some scammy company who would put her on commission only as self employed and of course being desperate she wasnt able or willing to see that. No doubt her father could see it straight off from her description and knew it wasnt going to be what she thought so didnt waste his own money facilitating her being scammed and returning to the drink to console herself when it all went wrong.

Quite honestly, having grown up around alcoholics, I wouldn't have believed her.

Neither would I have thought she was being scammed. I would have believed she was lying.

Since her siblings intervened, I assume she now has this £140 per day job. It still didn't solve all her problems.

Wildewoman, I really hope you are both physically & emotionally in a better place right now. But, if you want to make the comparison from an, essentially a life choice to no choice, that is up to you.

But, you have never had cancer & those that have experienced both (either through loved-ones and self) are telling you different.

Take heed.

This thread has hit a nerve with a lot of people... That's no bad thing to have a platform to discuss such a rotten illness that affects so many.

One thing I know from personal experience is that an alcoholic, living one day at a time in a healthy recovery is GRATEFUL.

Grateful to have owned the past and those harmed, and to strive to make amends to those people.

Grateful to be one of the lucky few who somehow managed to break free from the illness - for today.

Grateful to be a balanced human being and a useful part of society once again.

That takes work, doing as you are told and not thinking "you know best" or quoting lines from books or statistics.

But most grateful alcoholics do this quietly, it's those that are still sick that are still fighting the world and everyone in it, looking in the wrong place and blind to it.

What a real shame that is....

Quite honestly, having grown up around alcoholics, I wouldn't have believed her.

Neither would I have thought she was being scammed. I would have believed she was lying.

Yes, very true. They'd probably heard a variation on that story so many times.

Ah i saw that thread. Didnt realise it was the same poster. I dont really look at names.