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Original poster

If your father left you to die [Trigger warning for addiction/alcoholism added by MNHQ]

522 replies

WildeWoman · 29/01/2016 01:05

By leaving you to die, I mean 'she's an alcoholic, what can you do'.

And you later found out that he may have been complicit in welfare fraud..........

Would you report him?

OP posts:
RivieraKid · 29/01/2016 21:53

Nail on the fucking head, delusion - better than i could have ever expressed it. Thank you x

Offred · 29/01/2016 21:55

I think what you are basically saying garlic is that they have to fully accept that they are an alcoholic! A person addicted to alcohol. A person who will have to work hard to wrest control over their lives from alcohol addiction.

Is that right?

GarlicBake · 29/01/2016 22:00

Well, yes, Offred Grin Step 1 from a random site. Random quote from same:-

"Perhaps my whole life is a mess, or maybe just important parts are a mess. I admit this and quit trying to play games with myself anymore. I realize that my life has become unmanageable in many ways. It is not under my control anymore. I do things that I later regret doing and tell myself that I will not do them again. But I do. I keep on doing them, in spite of my regrets, my denials, my vows, my cover-ups and my facades. The addiction has become bigger than I am. The first step is to admit the truth of where I am, that I am really powerless over this addiction and that I need help."

What you said, too, Delusion, in spades.

FATEdestiny · 29/01/2016 22:20

I think what you are basically saying garlic is that they have to fully accept that they are an alcoholic! A person addicted to alcohol. A person who will have to work hard to wrest control over their lives from alcohol addiction.

Oh right, we are long-passed that stage. My bother fully accepted he was an alcoholic years and years ago. He uses it as a badge of honour in fact. It's his simplest excuse for his next drink, because he's an alcoholic.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster · 29/01/2016 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 29/01/2016 22:24

Yeah, I'm not sure sticking with step one and never going on to wanting to change, deciding to change and taking steps to change is helpful!

FATEdestiny · 29/01/2016 22:32

OP sounds at the same stage as my brother. Alcoholism is an excuse to carry on drinking. OP has had no issue with fully accepting she is an alcoholic throughout her posts, but with no intention to change.

DelusionIsEntirelyPersonal · 29/01/2016 22:34

Thanks ex-addicts, obviously it's much easier to understand the mind-set of an addict when you've been there (and conversely easier to say STOP YOUR BOLLOCKS).

I completely understand where the children of addicts on this thread are coming from.

HOWEVER, it would be helpful I think if this thread stood, because I do think wilde may benefit in hindsight (I hope so and even if she doesn't there is much here that is useful to others).

I was a Poly-user, primarily alcohol but anything else that was going - YES PLEASE, and used underhand methods to get ANYTHING that was going that would fuck me up.

I read some of the Dry threads and the Brave Babes threads years ago and still do, and I have a huge amount of respect for the women on those who help each-other, But there are so many women who join them worried about their two bottle a week habit (I'm not saying you shouldn't be worried about that BUT at the time I had a MASSIVE booze problem, with a multi-drug problem too) - I felt I couldn't post - my problem was too extreme.

When the world has gone dry for a month and is struggling after the Christmas excess and you'e struggling not to cram ALL the 15mg codeine tablets you nicked from your mother...

There's a difference.

GarlicBake · 29/01/2016 22:39

He uses it as a badge of honour in fact. It's his simplest excuse for his next drink, because he's an alcoholic.

Yeah, I met many of him at meetings :( Poor me, I have to drink because ... anything will do. They haven't accepted it, though, have they? It's just words being fed them by the addiction.

One guy's favourite 'excuse' was tinnitus, FGS Hmm It didn't matter that other people in the room also had tinnitus - ours wasn't tinnitus, or it wasn't as special as his tinnitus. Could be his alcoholism, her crappy dad with the flukey sheep, his wife doesn't understand him, her soufflés always sink (I've actually heard this), it's meaningless. It is not a reason. The reason is the addiction that has taken over your thoughts.

GarlicBake · 29/01/2016 22:42

Delusion, I quite often have to have a word with the box of codeine/valium too!

Are you in pain? Is it unbearable? Would a couple of ibuprofen do the job?

Well then Wink

FATEdestiny · 29/01/2016 22:45

there are so many women who join them worried about their two bottle a week habit...

Oh God I know what you mean. And like you, it means no disrespect whatsoever to these types of problem drinkers. It is just when you are dealing with something so different its on another planet, it's hard to relate.

I'm not even recovering alcoholic myself (or even a child of or partner of an addict), so I am more removed from the situation than many. But I sometimes read the Brave Babes and the Dry threads for support and information, and I just cannot relate at all.

The drunk we are dealing with is 20-40 units a day. Its not a competition and no one needs to compare on a scale, but there is a whole difference to the woman worried about her glass of wine every night.

inber · 29/01/2016 22:55

Well, I find this thread curious to say the least. The Op is a single mother with an 11 year old daughter, where is the child when the OP is close to death living on the streets?

Some serious BS going on here.

Offred · 29/01/2016 22:57

TBF the homelessness thing could have happened ages ago.

DelusionIsEntirelyPersonal · 29/01/2016 22:57

garlic No it wasn't that hurty, Or was it?

And FATE I was 160 units a week at my worst (plus any street or prescription drugs that were going). But I wasn't the worst - 160 is lightweight compared to some)

IT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT THOUGH.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/01/2016 23:02

Wow, this thread changed direction quite a lot. I am glad so many posters recovering from addiction have come on to this thread and put their experiences and points of view.

Thanks for all of you for being so open, and also to all the people who have explained their side of it, being a relative of an alcoholic.

inber · 29/01/2016 23:03

It was last year Offred

TheCrimsonPleb · 29/01/2016 23:13

I had a MASSIVE booze problem, with a multi-drug problem too) - I felt I couldn't post - my problem was too extreme

Same. Mumsnet has so much to offer. So many boards for this that and the other but no space for discussing coke/crack/smack/opiate addiction. I wonder why that is?

Offred · 29/01/2016 23:19

Not naice and middle class enough? Grin

In reality I would hope it is simply because it's a minority of people? May well be a significant minority and clearly there are people expressing a need for it but I do think the middle class wine drinkers are much more common. Public health are all concerned about them at the moment, so I just suspect that there are many many more in that situation...

FATEdestiny · 29/01/2016 23:21

Why is it TheCrimsonPleb?

Offred · 29/01/2016 23:23

Maybe the good that will come of this thread is that people feel empowered to start a 'multiple/serious addictions thread' or something along those lines?

TheCrimsonPleb · 29/01/2016 23:24

No idea Fate?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/01/2016 23:27

Thecrimson - I was going to say, why don't you ask for a board for it?
And then thought - well maybe it would go like this thread, with lots of people who are relatives of addicts coming on to say how awful it has made their lives; and maybe also it would have people evangelising about their own recovery (not saying anyone on here has done that) and berating anyone else who won't try their way; and maybe it would have too many addicts finding comfort in the company of other addicts and justifying their continuing use.

These are all the negatives I could think of - on the positive side, it could be a wonderfully supportive board where posters manage to find the strength from others to start their own process of recovery.

But you could still ask.

TheCrimsonPleb · 29/01/2016 23:28

Really no idea? That was a genuine question.

FusionChefGeoff · 29/01/2016 23:42

I've just stayed up way past my bedtime reading this. I am a recovering alcoholic and I could see from the OP and definitely the message she sent her Dad that she is no where near recovery. It is embarrassing to remember that level of self-centredness and dramatic histrionics which used to consume me and everyone around me.

But I am well today, and many thousands of alcoholics are not drinking, today.

We have accepted we are powerless - we have surrendered and have stopped fighting a battle with alcohol. I can't control it so I have to go to any lengths to ensure I won't pick up that first drink. I have slowly used the program of AA to start the life-long process of learning how to think like a normal person and making sure that I live a good and positive life.

I do hope the OP keeps trying to recover - it sounds like she has given up and that, for whatever reason, she was not ready to listen to the recovery messages at the time.

Keep coming back, OP. Keep trying as so many thousands of recovering alcoholics have succeeded, there's nothing stopping you from trying again.

TheCrimsonPleb · 29/01/2016 23:46

Could be a great support Thumbs. I just think it would have already happened by now if it was a go-er. The thought of mothers using/trying not to use street/prescription drugs might be a bridge too far for this forum. There are other places online to take these problems to of course.