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Original poster

Kicking a child

90 replies

WinkyWinkola · 20/12/2006 21:33

I had a call from SIL yesterday, ranting about her mother.

SIL's DS who is 8, was misbehaving and kicked his grandmother. She kicked him back in the stomach. She wouldn't apologise, saying he'd kicked her and he could expect nothing less as a result.

The child (child being the operative word here) has just had open heart surgery 4 weeks ago.

When I told DH about this he said he wanted to hear his mother's side of the story before he made any judgement. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He just says that the child shouldn't have kicked his grandmother and if any child of his did that then he would send him/her to their room. WTF? Missing the point or what.

Anyway, there is no way I'll ever leave my children in the care of someone who thinks it's ok to kick kids, whatever they've done. DH doesn't agree. I think he's barmy. He thinks I'm over reacting. Am I? To me, it's a clear case of Q.E.D. - she's simply not a responsible adult.

OP posts:
crazydazy · 20/12/2006 21:35

Agree with you that it is very wrong.

When we were kids if we ever bit then my Mum would bite us, I really think this was so stupid and remembered even thinking this when I was a child and my little sister did it and so Mum bit her.

Just didn't get it.

TheChristmasArmadillo · 20/12/2006 21:36

Whatever the circumstances she shouldn't have kicked him.

The open heart surgery just makes it worse.

If she and your dp can't see immediately that she has done wrong, I wouldn't leave my kids with her.

Sending them to their room is completely different to kicking them.

FWIW I don't think you're overreacting.

pelvicfloorSNOWmore · 20/12/2006 21:36

I dont think you are over reacting at all.
"My grandma what big eyes you have"
"My grandma what big teeth you have "
"My grandma what a strong kick you have"

Kidstrak · 20/12/2006 21:39

WHAT? i'm shocked that the little one has been kicked, but kicked in the STOMACH. that is awful from a grandmother, but to be kicked in the stomach 4weeks after having open heart surgery(thats sick), i'm gobsmacked to put it politely

JodieG1 · 21/12/2006 08:52

I agree with you and am shocked and what other side is there to hear (thinking of what your dh said). There's no excuse to kick a child no matter what they did, especially just 4 weeks after having major surgery.

Quootiepie · 21/12/2006 08:55

If anyone so much as slapped my child, they would be behind bars quicker than... well, quickly. Kicking a child?? An 8 year old kick wouldn't be overly hard, but an adult kicking a child? If it was my MIL id kick the old bag back (yes, immature, but any excuse ). Im . Two words - child abuse.

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 21/12/2006 09:06

That's the thing - DH says, "There's kicking and there's kicking." He wants to know how hard she kicked him! Eh? As if that's relevant.

I want to warn her, to tell her that if she ever lays a finger on my child (soon to be children), there'll be hell to pay.

We're going to visit there tomorrow. Staying three nights. Great. I'll just have to keep an eye out. DS has swiped at her before when she's simply been in his face too much. I hope she doesn't take that as a reason to even tap his hands in reproach.

OP posts:
Pages · 21/12/2006 09:12

I totally agree with you. I suspect if anyone else had done it he would be up in arms. Sounds to me like he is being protective of his mum.

SchneeBallFight · 21/12/2006 09:15

I wouldn't want my child left with her either.

moljam · 21/12/2006 09:16

oh my god!!!!!i wouldnt let my children near someone who can hurt a child and not see the wrong in it!

JustUsTwoTurtleDoves · 21/12/2006 09:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 09:22

Winky I have some sympathy with your DH tbh. Your nephew sounds out of control - an 8 year old regularly kicking and punching his grndmother? That's pretty bad. She might have just stuck her leg out in retaliation. I doubt that she wrestled him to the floor and kicked the crap out of him. But whatever - you didn't witness it. I would not judge her on this one incident that you have only heard about but on how she has behaved with your children in the past.

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 09:24

Oh I've just read your posts again - your nephew KICKED his grandmother but YOUR son has hit her in the past?

And you would go crazy if she "taps his hands in reproach" ?

Sounds like there are some behavioural problems here that need addressing by the parents. Personally if I thought that my 8 year old child was likely to kick or punch his grandmother, I wouldn't leave HIM alone with her.

DetentionGrrrl · 21/12/2006 09:36

in the stomach?!

was he on the floor. or is she an agile old thing?

she sounds lovely.

pantomimEdam · 21/12/2006 09:36

hang on, swiped sounds like a toddler not like an older child.

Amazed that she kicked him back but would be interested to hear her version of events - can't imagine where each of them would be for this to happen.

JodieG1 · 21/12/2006 09:37

I didn't see her say her nephew punched his grandmother or the word regularly anywhere. Teaching a child that responding to a kick by kicking them back is hardly responsible or adult and let's not forget all the emotional problems that her nephew will be facing after undergoing open heart surgery such a short time ago.

Also she didn't say her son had hit his grandmother. I wouldn't tolerate anyone hitting my children for any reason, noone has the righgt to hit anyone else and that's what we teach our children. They learn from example as well as talking to them and explaining. Children also have personal space that needs to be respected and sometimes the only way for them to get that space is by demanding it because they don't know any other way to get it as they aren't developed enough to properly understand.

belgo · 21/12/2006 09:40

kicking in the news

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 09:42

No I had thought that the boy "kicking" his grandmother was the same as the boy "swiping" his grandmother but obviously these are two different children.

If I was her I would have a very heavily lavendar-scented hanky in my pocket and cover it with spit and SCRUB THEIR LITTLE FACES.

Can't WAIT until I have grandchildren.

Socci · 21/12/2006 09:49

Message withdrawn

Original poster
WinkyWinkola · 21/12/2006 09:52

Who said the 8 year old nephew hits anyone regularly? I didn't.

And even if he does (which he doesn't), that still doesn't justify hitting a child back. Ever. Or maybe it does in your world, MorningPaper. I feel really sorry for your future grandchildren!

The nephew is off school and the grandmother had come round. They were in the front room. SIL was on the telephone. She said it was like separating two children in a schoolyard.

Yes, my DS is 20 months and they do at that age take swipes and lash out what with the terrible twos approaching and all the frustration that goes with it.

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 21/12/2006 09:58

Have you or DS discussed this with your MIL. Perhaps her version of events are radically different.
I simply can't imagine a sane adult kicking a child in the stomach, particularly one who has recently had open heart surgery.
I think if it were me, I would insist DH gets on the telephone straight away to discuss what happened.
And if it is true, then I would not stay with her, TBH.

Caroligula · 21/12/2006 09:59

Why didn't she call the police if she's that bothered about it?

TBH there is either something else going on here (it wasn't a proper kick), or the woman is demented and needs a short sharp shock. If it was a real kick to a child who had had OH surgery, I would have had no hesitation in calling the police just to make the old bat realise the error of her ways. Something like that could kill him, that's not an overdramatisation.

What a bizarre family it sounds if you don't mind me saying so - grandchildren hitting their grandmother? Eh? I sometimes think I've led a very sheltered life.

Mumtimes2 · 21/12/2006 10:01

IT IS ASSAULT

Sorry for the caps, but I get really angry with people who thinks its OK, even legal to hit children, when it is, in fact, assault.

The grandmother probably wouldn't consider kicking an adult.

As with all children, there are better, more effective ways to teach children that violence is not acceptable. Eye for an eye, never taught anyone, anything positive.

morningpaper · 21/12/2006 10:01

Winky your SIL's story doesn't quite add up - now she had to SEPARATE them?

IF I had an 8 year old who KICKED his grandmother then it would be HIS behaviour I would worry about first. But I do have elderly parents - certainly not ones who could kick him back in the stomach! (she sounds rather agile!)

Socci · 21/12/2006 10:03

Message withdrawn